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Original poster

Addressing Overweight DC (who are old enough to know better)

70 replies

EveryonDanceNow · 04/08/2025 08:59

For example if they are overweight due to bad eating habits and lack of exercise how often do you point out that they are overweight?

For example how often would you say "you have a pot belly", "you'll get health issues" , "you look pregnant"?

Or do you address it more tactfully or not at all?

OP posts:
Needspaceforlego · 04/08/2025 09:00

Do you think your children are stupid do you think they don't know they are gaining weight?

Sirzy · 04/08/2025 09:01

If you do it at all then it has to come from a proper sit down “I’m worried” conversation not from snide remarks.

They will already be aware so you have to ask yourself what your hoping to gain?

Helpmeplease2025 · 04/08/2025 09:02

Reverse?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weight management
LordEmsworth · 04/08/2025 09:03

At least four times a day. Make it clear you're really disgusted by them.

StrawberryCranberry · 04/08/2025 09:03

You have a pot belly or you look pregnant - never.

Addressing it with respect to possible health issues - this could be ok if done sensitively.

How old is the child and do they live with you?

Gmala · 04/08/2025 09:04

EveryonDanceNow · 04/08/2025 08:59

For example if they are overweight due to bad eating habits and lack of exercise how often do you point out that they are overweight?

For example how often would you say "you have a pot belly", "you'll get health issues" , "you look pregnant"?

Or do you address it more tactfully or not at all?

I should hope you'd only have to say it once or twice before they cut you off for being toxic.

Hdpr · 04/08/2025 09:05

Depends on the age of the child. I have a 14yo and we do talk about it and talk about healthy choices and the need for more exercise. It has to be said or they would just get bigger and bigger, which is unhealthy. It’s very difficult to get the tone right.

arcticpandas · 04/08/2025 09:08

@EveryonDanceNow First of all:She KNOWS she's overweight. If you point that out it will only make her feel worse about herself and she will comfort eat even more.

What you can do: boost her confidence in general focussing on the qualities you appreciate about her. Suggest taking up a physical activity together. Ask her if she's ok. Tell her you love her.

OneNeatBlueOrca · 04/08/2025 09:09

EveryonDanceNow · 04/08/2025 08:59

For example if they are overweight due to bad eating habits and lack of exercise how often do you point out that they are overweight?

For example how often would you say "you have a pot belly", "you'll get health issues" , "you look pregnant"?

Or do you address it more tactfully or not at all?

Leave them the fuck alone.

I had a whole childhood of my mother saying of you eat that youll get a fat bum, you'll get a spotty bum (wtf?!), you're getting fat etc. It just sets up a life time of food issues.

She was buying the food she told me would make me fat. Are you buying it? Make better food choices if so.

Aspanielstolemysanity · 04/08/2025 09:10

EveryonDanceNow · 04/08/2025 08:59

For example if they are overweight due to bad eating habits and lack of exercise how often do you point out that they are overweight?

For example how often would you say "you have a pot belly", "you'll get health issues" , "you look pregnant"?

Or do you address it more tactfully or not at all?

It depends...
Do you want a close relationship with them or are you happy to be someone they just contact occasionally out of duty (if at all)

minipie · 04/08/2025 09:11

How old are they?

Adults - leave them alone, they’re adults

Children under your roof - where are they getting the unhealthy food?? Do you buy it?

Mean comments are never going to help but changing what you buy and the example you set yourself might

WhereIsMyLight · 04/08/2025 09:11

I suppose the answer is how much do you want them to spend in personal trainers, the diet industry and therapy when they are older to sort out their disordered eating?

Helpful things would be everyone puts their phones away for the day and you go out as a family and exercise (walking, wakeboarding, cycling - loads of great family exercise activities). Getting them involved in meal planning, shopping and cooking. Finding them an exercise they love that they want to commit to. Supporting that exercise as much as you are able and realising it might not be running but it might be kayaking or skiing. Get them focussing on their body - how it’s easier to move when not carrying extra weight. Not how their body looks but how it feels.

Also, if they are old enough to know better that implies teenagers and there can be some temporary body changes due to puberty. Don’t create a lifelong issue out of a temporary body change.

gavisconismyfriend · 04/08/2025 09:17

Is this a reverse?

TorturedParentsDepartment · 04/08/2025 09:27

LordEmsworth · 04/08/2025 09:03

At least four times a day. Make it clear you're really disgusted by them.

Hi mum!

SleeplessInWherever · 04/08/2025 09:32

My mum used to comment on my weight, and then I developed an eating disorder that spanned most of my teenage years.

I lost weight though!

Didn’t keep up with the ED beyond around 22yo, so I do also have fairly fluctuating adult weight. I’d tell her firmly to fuck off now.

Glowingup · 04/08/2025 09:37

I would probably go a bit further. Maybe use the term “disgusting fat slob” and tell them nobody will want them. Definitely at least ten times a day, more at the weekend. Perhaps make elephant or pig noises when they enter the room. That will teach them I reckon.

Horseapples · 04/08/2025 09:38

Model healthy eating. Don't buy really unhealthy foods. Encourage them to do a sport they enjoy, finance it and drive them there if need be.

Tell them how gorgeous they are. Enjoy their company.

TheGoddessFrigg · 04/08/2025 09:48

I guess it depends on how awful you want your future nursing home to be....

( If they are old enough to know better, they already know that they are putting on weight(

Ineedanewsofa · 04/08/2025 09:59

You should fill the cupboards with loads of unhealthy processed snacks, cook them only tinned/frozen foods (or nothing at all) serve them up massive portions and force them to finish it then tell them they are getting a pot belly, look pregnant etc while simultaneously shaming them if they try to finish eating when they are full but leave food and/or try to make healthier choices (fruit is very expensive you know!)
Bonus points if you do it whilst living off Rivita, cottage cheese and wine but still being overweight yourself

Aspanielstolemysanity · 04/08/2025 10:10

Another good technique is to buy your slim daughters in law really nice gifts of expensive clothing and jewellery each Christmas and birthday and just get your own (overweight due to steroids) daughter a scarf or a plant in a pot.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango2023 · 04/08/2025 10:13

We don't point it out. DSS complains he's fat. We offer ways to help him. We provide healthy well balanced meals and tell him not to snack on crap. Plus we have in the past offered to pay for sports clubs/gym memberships and encouraged him to get out on his bike/walking. None of which he is interested in.

NimbleDreamer · 04/08/2025 10:23

My mother who is very thin used to make comments that I've put weight on on my stomach and things like that when I was 9st 12 (I'm 5ft 3) and framed it like it she was only concerned. This was until my dad god bless him had a big go at her and told her to stop saying things like that and that there was nothing wrong with me. I've always had a naturally curvy figure but I'm now 11 and a half stone and would give anything to be 9st 12 again with my apparently big stomach.

My point is don't say anything as this will only upset them regardless of whether your comments are justified or not. If they want to lose weight then they will take steps to do it themselves and shaming them into losing weight isn't the way to do it.

CoraPirbright · 04/08/2025 10:32

It’s a tricky one but I think Horseapple’s approach is the very best.

My mother hammered me about my weight from about the age of 12/13 and, looking back, I was absolutely tiny! I have therefore always considered myself fat when I was absolutely nothing of the sort. I am extremely lucky not to have developed an ED frankly although I suppose the constant worrying about being overweight when perfectly normal is, whilst nothing like as serious as an ED, something in a similar vein.

I swore I would never do the same thing to my dd and so didn’t say anything to her when she was steadily getting bigger and bigger. I just told her not to worry and that she was beautiful. She has now lost the weight of her own volition and is proud of herself. I am relieved because I was worried about the health aspect but I am so so glad that I was not the root cause!!

Model good habits and dump all the junk from your cupboards. At a young age, weight loss is easier. Do you have a dog? Could you pay them to walk it?

Original poster
EveryonDanceNow · 04/08/2025 19:05

Young adult working DC, living at home with us.

They enjoy a good meal out with friends.

Weight has been steadily increasing year on year.

Started in first year at university and has increased since. They don't go to the gym or do anything sporty. I cook healthy meals at home.

BMI is 28 and I'm worried.

DBro was like this when younger and now has a heart stent.

OP posts:
user9637 · 04/08/2025 19:07

do you have family meals together? Cook together to make healthy food? It’s a lifestyle. Once you get that right weight will go

make sure sleep habits are good too

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