Responding to “mansplaining”

[Whitehorses67]

Do you have a useful strategy?

I think my being middle aged and visibly disabled has brought it out in spades and every other man I meet makes it his mission to give me the unasked for benefit of his wisdom on the bleeding obvious.

I just tend to say oh really and see how far they will go whilst inwardly laughing at them but sometimes I get fed up and would like to have of a good way of shutting it down without simply saying shut up you arrogant twat or similar.

But they literally do not hear you if you dirán up and say ‘yes I know’. I was with my tenant (female) a builder and chippie (males). There was an issue with the floor threshold. I suggested a common sense solution which seemed pretty obvious. The guys were talking through it as if it was a complex issue, explaining to us women why this that or the other needed working out etc. Finally one of them hit on the exact solution I had mentioned five minutes earlier. Both looked at us as if they had solved the problem of the decade. Me and my tenant just looked at each other in disbelief and I said ‘didn’t I just say that’? The men had just not listened to me and still could not acknowledge that I had figured the issue out at the start.

Thank you for mansplaining periods / pregnancy / childbirth / breastfeeding / perimenopause for me, I don't know how I would figure it out without your valuable experience.

Thanks, you must know so much more about this than me given all those periods you've had / babies you've given birth too.

Thanks ds (15) for explaining how to park, they must've forgotten that bit when I did my driving lessons and passed my test 25 years ago.

How on earth did I manage to change the channelbefore you came along and cleared up that mystery for me...🙄

It's almost like I'm not qualified to read a map ds (I am a geography teacher and have been teaching kids to read maps for 25 years)

To be honest, most mansplaining is coming from my teenage son these days. Most adult men take one look at my face and my tone of voice and think better of it.

That was what I was coming to say

It's pithy, cant be mistaken and usually ends any silliness

Just say I know at regular intervals.

He'll learn!

To be fair, most teenagers think they know everything...

Teensplaining can be either gender in my experience!

I get it a lot at work
and tend to remind them that they are paying me for my expertise, not the other way around

and "thank you for mansplaining so well"
works

Far too many "sorry"s. No need whatsoever to apologise for yourself to a mansplainer. Why would you?

This is very true, almost teen dd is learning very fast 😫

It wasn't really mansplaining, but in the same vein.
I got a flat tyre and took my car to a well known tyre fitting company. The fitter came out to have a look and came out with the ancient joke- "it's only flat at the bottom, it's ok at the top".
I said "Oh that's hilarious, I've never, ever heard that joke before" (in a very sarcastic tone) and he looked embarrassed and carried on the conversation as though he hadn't said it.

They literally don't hear it though, as another poster made clear upthread.

"Thank you SO much. I would never have known that otherwise". Then walk off briskly.

I mess about with DH and say, “ thanks for ‘splaining “.
He tells me to fuck off and we both laugh.
I am quite a grumpy old, sarcastic woman, but I’m not sure I say it to anyone “unknown” IYKWIM?

Me too - I usually had to remind the business owners that they were the ones who engaged me, a freelance professional, to do their accounts for them because I knew how to do it and they didn't.

I think it’s pretty obvious they are sarcastic “Sorrys”. I expect the tone of the response says everything you need it too.

I usually tell the man how clever he is and if I'm feeling particularly sarcastic I might ask which university he attended.

My husband loves 'no shit Sherlock'.

All of the suggested responses seem quite rude, to me. Is there really a need to belittle someone and make them feel a fool when they're usually genuine in their intentions to explain something?

Surely, if it's a subject you're already an expert in, you can quickly interject and let them know that you don't need any explanation from them?

If it's a common-sense thing, it's possible you might learn a different point of view. Best to just smile and say "oh yes, I think the same as you" or "yes, I agree."

You misunderstand "mansplaining"

It is done to belittle women.
It is not done in good faith.
It is sexist.
It is entirely different from genuine engagement with the point.

Some of these responses and how they are being suggested to be done are straight to HR complaints.

Not when I am a hired in external contractor.

They hire me in.
They insult me.
I speak clearly.

This

I just say it. "I hope you're not mansplaining me John"

Or my favourite "what makes you think you can mansplain me on xyz, which is something of a specialist subject of mine?".

Usually they're rally apologetic and haven't realised they were doing it.

This but add "mansplain means a man explaining something to a woman because they think we dont know simple things, incase you didn't know" 🤣

Hello Lisa