Parents talking about changing their will because I'm widowed

[Blanketwrap]

Widowed several years ago and I'm financially independent. It's not so they can take care of me, it's because they're worried I'll remarry and their money will end up with my new DH/his DC, rather than their DGC.

So, whilst they'd always planned to leave their money to me and DSis, now they're talking about leaving directly to GC.

I have never felt I have a stake in their money. Whenever they worry over inheritance tax, for example, I tell them the best way to avoid it is to spend it! If it did come to me, I'd probably use most of it to help DC anyway.

However, I'm feeling hurt by this. It's not that I want the money, I live a good life and don't need it, genuinely hope they live such a full and active life that it's all spent, but it cuts that they don't trust me not to put my DC's interests first.

I guess this has come about because I'm have been seeing a man for the last year or so, but I've made it clear to him, and to my parents, I have no intention of marrying, for exactly this reason (to protect my own assets for DC).

I know there's nothing I can or should do about it, but it's shocked me how upset I am about this.

Well they did inherit, but a few thousand, rather than the life changing sums we're talking about now. It probably paid for my wedding tbh!

Seems sensible to me- they could leave it to you, you remarry, you die -someone unrelated gets to decide what happens to their money.

But that could have happened if she wasn’t a widow! Her DH could have ended up with the lot and passed it on to a new spouse if OP died after her parents but before her DH. Why wasn’t this a consideration then? Why is it only now she’s single that there are concerns she won’t do what’s in her children’s best interests?

Also they could die…she inherits…6 months later her dh dies and then later she remarries…same situation! It’s not something you can ultimately protect against.

same goes for the grandchildren…they could inherit, get married, buy a house with proceeds and after 15 years get divorced…half of the money is gone in divorce.

it’s a stupid theory…

@BlanketwrapDM left it to DC and grandchildren equally. So 5 grandchildren and 3 DC - so 1/8 each. That way no judgement and yes, one of DC is a widow.

I suspect the whole thing is prompted by a recent discussion with a solicitor or friend about IHT etc, not only because OP is widowed but also because the DGC are all old enough to inherit directly. There would have been no point in this amendment before the DGC ages had been reached.

I think it’s a good idea to be honest as you don’t need the money anyway, I’d feel differently if you weren’t financially stable yourself, but I think it’s sensible to protect the GC money.

It removes any barrier should you decide you do want to get married, that money is safe from any joint pot.

I can see where your parents are coming from, there are so many threads on here where mum/dad has remarried and kids have missed out and I can’t imagine many of those adults went into it thinking that would be the outcome.

I wouldn't mind if my PIL did this if my husband died but I would be very upset if my parents did it. I am not actually in favour of skipping a generation/young adults inheriting a big sum. Maybe a gift to the grandchildren and residual to the children feels different. It is partly because my sister is childless so it would be very uncomfortable but also because it would feel like I am not trusted. I also agree that I would rather my parents had spent as much as they could and enjoy it.

@SheilaFentiman How you split an estate in a will is irrelevant to IHT. The estate is eligible or not. Care fees could eat into it substantially.

Adult grandchildren often need money waaay more than their parents. If parents don’t need it why not split it up? Dc with no dc probably don’t need it anyway. No bank of mum and dad for them! Even if they got a decent amount, who do they leave it to? Grandchildren getting a decent cut means they become fiscally secure much earlier.

my dm has made a will with a percentage for grand children and a percentage for us offspring, seems fairer

@TizerorFizz to clarify, if the DGP Will is varied by OP, then the money passed to her DC by that variation would not be subject to any IHT on OP’s estate because that money would not have been “owned” by OP. It was probably clearer if you read the post I responded to.

Have a good evening.

I’d suggest talking to them about it. Are there any “heirlooms” that they could leave to you and your sister as a sign of their love for you (doesn’t have to be valuable, just meaningful).

Seems sensible to me. It's their money, want it to go directly to their DGC - this is their decision to make. There have been many threads over the years on MN where children from a first marriage have seen their inheritance going to a step family because wills werent altered or whatever- this way, you don't have to worry.

@SheilaFentiman Well yes. The op would only pay IHT if her estate exceeded the relevant limit on death. If the grandparents leave it to grandchildren and the estate exceeds the relevant limit, the remaining grandparent pays on death . Give it away 7 years before death - no one pays!