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Original poster

Experiences of giving a family member a loan

113 replies

BlueHug · 29/07/2025 22:50

Does anyone here have experiences of giving a family member a loan?

I don't want to go into too much details. A close family member and his partner asked me for a loan. I wanted to help. I have an online account with revolut so I topped that account up with funds.

They said that they don't get paid for another two weeks.

I am very anxious now that maybe something might happen where I maybe I might not get this money back.

The partner is foreign and using some other things. I witnessed the shopping and I just think if they needed a loan from me surely maybe they could have shopped around for more better value. Like spending 85 pounds on a cutlery set when Tesco or Asda would have more better value.

I am just anxious that maybe I won't get this money back.

OP posts:
TorroFerney · 30/07/2025 12:14

Op, I wonder if you may fall into what financial services may deem as a vulnerable customer? Did you have to fib and say the money was for you to get it approved? Yes stop the card, you are focussing on the wrong thing though, if you give money you can’t police what they buy so forget that. Do you feel able to draw up a payment agreement? If not it may be an idea to speak to the citizens advice bureau or even to revolut?

SheilaFentiman · 30/07/2025 12:18

Op, there is no point dwelling on what they bought. You agreed to lend them £2k and they are spending within that £2k. Yes, the some of the spending could have waited until payday, but they are not thinking about it like that.

Contact your brother now (by text if you prefer) and say that you need to stop the card as actually you reconsidered and £2k is more than you can afford, because you had to borrow that money yourself. Tell him
that the balance so far is £1.3k (or whatever) and that you will need that all back the day he is paid as the loan carries interest.

beetr00 · 30/07/2025 12:20

BlueHug · 30/07/2025 12:13

I'm not judging how they spend it per se. Apparantly they have a cash flow issue until payday and I think some of the purchases could have waited. I think the spending could have been a little bit better. Over 80 pounds on cutlery. That could have been better.

Show quote history

I'm totally with you @BlueHug you are absolutely correct they could have been more prudent.

But... they're spending YOUR hard-earned, and obviously dgaf!

Interested in this thread?

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General money
Lennonjingles · 30/07/2025 12:22

Nobody should have access to your cards. Put a stop on the spending, it isn’t essential, surely they can go without until they have the money to spend on what they want. We loaned relatives some money as their car broke down and couldn’t afford a new one and they had 4 children so needed a car. They repaid it several years later, nothing extra just the amount, we thought we would never see it.

BlackCatGreyWhiskers · 30/07/2025 12:24

I would lend money to my family members because I trust them. That said it would still depend on the circumstances, if I didn’t think they were financially savvy and were wasting money on non-essentials whilst simultaneously asking me for a loan I wouldn’t.

I don’t think you’ll see that money again OP. What have they committed to in terms of repayments?

Agapornis · 30/07/2025 12:25

Block that card now, and text them to say you've realised you can't afford more than £1k, which is all you agreed to. Is there anything in texts? That counts as a contract. Remind them that it needs to be fully paid off by the date of their next payday.

Re One saying they have foreign bank accounts and cards so they will be hit with charges, bullshit - they could easily have set up their own multi currency Revolut account.

Never ever lend money you can't afford to lose.

HereForTheFreeLunch · 30/07/2025 12:26

Please stop the card. Does it have a 2k limit?
Can they go over that?
And you need something in writing.

Lafufufu · 30/07/2025 12:27

Cancel the card in your name RIGHT NOW
😱

BlackCatGreyWhiskers · 30/07/2025 12:28

Did they even say what they wanted it for? Why couldn’t it wait until payday?

SkintSingleMumm · 30/07/2025 12:30

Op, ring Revolute now and say you need to cancel the card. Put a freeze on the account immediately.

tell the two leaches that your circumstances have changed and you can no longer lend them the money. Ask that they refund X amount they've spend on X date when they are paid.

R0ckandHardPlace · 30/07/2025 12:31

SkintSingleMumm · 30/07/2025 12:30

Op, ring Revolute now and say you need to cancel the card. Put a freeze on the account immediately.

tell the two leaches that your circumstances have changed and you can no longer lend them the money. Ask that they refund X amount they've spend on X date when they are paid.

Edited

You can freeze the card instantly in the Revolut app.

VoooooooooooV · 30/07/2025 12:32

You can freeze the card right now. You don’t even have to tell them you did. You can just pretend there is a problem with the card.

SkintSingleMumm · 30/07/2025 12:33

Do it now via the app then!!! Fgs do something! Your stress levels with this op must be through the roof!

BySassyGreenPanda · 30/07/2025 12:37

Many years ago I lent a boyfriend some money 'till payday'. When payday came around he spent it all and I'd have to wait until next payday. Rinse. Repeat....

He gave me a fiver (!!) a couple of times towards it. I'd had enough and made him write me post dated cheques that I banked every month until I got it all back. It was dreadful.

He could easily have paid me back in full that first payday but clearly never intended to have a 'lean' month. He chose to leave me living in my overdraft for months instead.

I was disgusted. I couldn't imagine pulling a trick like that. Needless to say he never got another penny.

NotEnoughKnittingTime · 30/07/2025 12:37

Transfer all the money out of that account and freeze the card. Why are you waiting?

OzMumOf3Boys · 30/07/2025 12:39

I would never loan money. To anyone

Terrribletwos · 30/07/2025 12:40

You've just given them free money...cheeky feckers! Freeze the card on the app

MyDogHumpsThings · 30/07/2025 12:40

We lent money to my husband's sister to help her pay some debts as she was saving for a mortgage. It was fine, but we completely trusted them and it was savings - not a loan we took out on their behalf. I would not lend anyone money for setting up their house - go to a charity shop and get some plates and cutlery for a few quid if you're just waiting 2 weeks until you get paid! That's appalling.

dogcatkitten · 30/07/2025 12:42

Don't lend money to family unless you would be willing to give it, that way you won't feel so out of pocket if they don't pay back. Taking a loan out to lend to someone else seems crazy, it implies they have no credit and can't get a loan themselves. It sounds like a lot of money to cover a couple of weeks till payday, how much do they earn if you expect it back immediately? Cutlery and a duvet could easily wait till payday, would you even take out a loan for yourself to pay for stuff like that?

Bumply · 30/07/2025 12:46

Ouch

I’ve lent my ex money in the past. Sob story that he’d lose the house and not be able to have the children over and his credit rating was so bad he was being offered stupidly high interest rates if he extended his debts.

I did it twice.

First was because he was waiting on probate for inheritance from
family member, and I did eventually get paid back, albeit not with the promised interest.

Second time he started out paying me back monthly at agreed amount, then stopped with no notice just a few months in.

Never got that money back.

Third time he asked and said when his pension comes through he’ll pay me back everything he owed me.

I politely declined.

I only loaned money because I had it sitting in a savings account with no set purpose and it made me feel good to be in a position to do that. I knew there would be a risk of not being paid back and that although not happy that he reneged on second loan I didn’t let it affect eg how I talk about their Dad to my children. I didn’t agree on the third request because I’m not a sucker.

Never lend money you can’t afford to lose.

Turnups · 30/07/2025 12:49

BlueHug · 30/07/2025 11:48

Should I do some damage control and put a limit on the card and try and recoup some of this from them before they spend hundreds more?

Yes!!

ComfortFoodCafe · 30/07/2025 13:05

Block the card now. Dont let them spend anymore you need to do damage control. If they ask just say you said you needed 1000 and youve gone over that im worried you might struggle to repay me or just say the loaner company has stopped the card.
You will be very lucky if you get your money back, many of those purchases could of waited.

Mrsttcno1 · 30/07/2025 13:07

I would accept you’re never going to see that money again OP

Lavenderandclimbingrose · 30/07/2025 13:20

BlueHug · 30/07/2025 11:52

Yes

Show quote history

Right this is the first thing.

  1. text them and say - Hi brother I’m just try to work out my budget for next month. As you know I’m not a high paid person and I need to balance my income and outcome. You said you wanted to borrow £2000 (which I have done for you by taking out a loan) and that you were going to repay me in two weeks. Can I just check are you transferring it by BACS on or before 14 th August as I need to ensure that my rent / mortgage is covered and no interest to pay on the balance as it is cleared. Can I also confirm you said you were paying it all back in two weeks- can I just confirm the entire lot will come in one payment so I can keep an eye on it and make sure it is received to the right account. Do you have my bank details
  2. Wait for a reply and hopefully he will say ‘ yep paying the lot in two weeks’
  3. once you have your answer at least you have something in writing that you can take to a court - get him to acknowledge it and that it is a loan by text
  4. Cancel the card. And report it missing.
  5. then if they question to card not working ask them to return it - hopefully by text. No one should be using your bank card without permission - look at your bank terms and conditions you can not lend your card to someone else to use - if they query it say ’the bank might it clear to me the card is mine and anyone else using it would be fraud so the card stays with me. If you want something text me and let me know
I hope it works out.

I once lent someone £500 not a lot but enough for me as a single parent, they said they would pay it back. They didn’t.
I was breezy and knew I had a problem but texted ‘Hey Suse you know the £500 I lent you on the 1 st August that you said you pay me back by the 30 th August can I just check you are on track to do that?’ She replied she was struggling - I offered two payment one in August and one in September she said ‘Hey lovely I’m a bit short this month’, back and forth - in the end I gave her a letter, deadline and then went to small claims court - but I got it back because of the text evidence.

good luck

Maddy70 · 30/07/2025 13:35

Never lend money to anyone

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