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Original poster

Experiences of giving a family member a loan

113 replies

BlueHug · 29/07/2025 22:50

Does anyone here have experiences of giving a family member a loan?

I don't want to go into too much details. A close family member and his partner asked me for a loan. I wanted to help. I have an online account with revolut so I topped that account up with funds.

They said that they don't get paid for another two weeks.

I am very anxious now that maybe something might happen where I maybe I might not get this money back.

The partner is foreign and using some other things. I witnessed the shopping and I just think if they needed a loan from me surely maybe they could have shopped around for more better value. Like spending 85 pounds on a cutlery set when Tesco or Asda would have more better value.

I am just anxious that maybe I won't get this money back.

OP posts:
Willow150 · 29/07/2025 23:38

You won’t get it back. You’ll probably get a couple of small payments towards it followed by a whole host of excuses.

I’d consider the money spent on a lesson learned.

mumda · 29/07/2025 23:45

BlueHug · 29/07/2025 23:27

They said that they dont get paid for another two weeks. That's all I was told.

Show quote history

Assume you'll not get it back. How will you manage the debt.

Make sure they know you expect it all black by a certain date ... Did you discuss repayment?

.

tinyspiny · 29/07/2025 23:50

You don’t loan money to family or friends unless you can afford to not get it back .

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General money
SkintSingleMumm · 29/07/2025 23:59

Do they have your revolut bank card? If so, cancel it to stop them spending anymore

mondaytosunday · 30/07/2025 00:08

That’s insane to borrow money to lend to them!
But you lending the money doesn’t mean you get to choose how they spend it.
I have borrowed from my family and they have borrowed from me, but it has been just a very short term cash flow issue and in both instances repaid within the month. A friend asked me for £1000 when she was setting up her business. I gave it to her, fully aware that I most likely would not get it back.
When the two weeks passes ask for the money. And never do this again.

Newmeagain · 30/07/2025 00:27

BlueHug · 29/07/2025 23:22

There's something in my gut feeling this now. I didn't see it at first though. I think there is flippant spending. 85 pounds on a cutlery set when Amazon has some for 30 or 40 pounds. I think there could have been some better savings. That's all.

Show quote history

Not Amazon. A trip to Ikea. Incredibly good value. £10 for a good quality cutlery set.

smallsilvercloud · 30/07/2025 00:28

Why couldn’t they get a loan themselves through the bank? most probably because they have bad credit rating or can’t afford the repayments, why would they need it when they can apparently afford it in two weeks, seems off to me. I hope you do get it back but don’t do it again.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 30/07/2025 00:52

It is too late for the advice now but they do say you should only lend what you are willing to give.

Perhaps you need to talk to your brother about the repayment - how and when it will come in. (I would suggest that you ignore what they spent it on.)

Stinksmum · 30/07/2025 06:53

I lent my cousin £600 - they were crying they couldn't pay the mortgage. Never saw the money again, they had some very creative ways of not paying me. Turns out they've done it with a lot of family and friends. Sadly, I'll never lend money again no matter the sob story.

DilemmaDelilah · 30/07/2025 08:35

I would NEVER take out a loan so that I could lend the money to somebody else. They should take out the loan themselves. However, it's done now.

I did lend a family member a substantial amount when they were in dire straights - but I was aware it could be a very long time before I got it back and if they were made bankrupt I might never get it back - so I asked for something of value, both financially and emotionally, from them to keep as surety. It was something I knew I could sell if I needed to - but also something I knew they wouldn't want me to sell. It took about 6 years, but I did get all the money back. However I still have the thing I had from them in safe-keeping as they don't have anywhere to put it except in storage. I don't actually want it, never did, so it's just put away in a cupboard. The only difference is that it does not belong to me.

Steelworks · 30/07/2025 08:42

I can tell you’re having second thought, and with good reason. Two thousand pounds is alot of money, a month’s wages for many people.

You need to take positive action now to get the money back. Don’t wait two weeks, but get the direct debit set up to pay it back. You can set the payment date for the day after payday. Also, make sure it’s a decent amount I’d actually say £200 + a month.

if you’ve set up a loan, you’re also losing out as you’ll have interest to pay.

burnoutbabe · 30/07/2025 08:49

i have lent a sibling money. £10k.
but I had it in savings. We drew up a formal document of the loan and repayment plans that we both signed. It was to pay off credit cards for work done on house ahead of a remortgage when current deal ended (when mortgage was a low % of equity)
so a fairly safe deal. And I had the ultimate threat of “telling mum and dad”. Even though we were in our 40s.

R0ckandHardPlace · 30/07/2025 08:51

I hear you OP! My DB was in 10k of credit card debt and couldn’t afford to move out because half his wages were going on interest payments. I paid them off on the condition he didn’t get into more debt. He got himself a little flat (all good!) and when I went round to see it, I noticed a brand new Smeg coffee machine, kettle and toaster in his kitchen.

I was absolutely incensed that he’d run up more debt immediately to buy ridiculous expensive items that he could have bought for less than one fifth of the cost.

6 years on, he’s still not paid me back fully. I get the odd £50 here and there when he remembers. I’d never do it again.

Bjorkdidit · 30/07/2025 09:13

Well obviously there's a good chance you won't get this money back. And borrowing money on their behalf was foolish, hopefully it won't bite you in the arse.

Have they said how they plan to repay? Do they have your bank details?

Message them your bank details and say 'here's my bank details so you can pay back the £2k I lent you when you get paid on x date'. Save any response. Hopefully they'll add something about planning to pay you back, that proves it's a loan not a gift.

Unless they respond positively, talk to them. Make it clear you need the money back and that you need to know when/what the repayment arrangements are.

Tia247 · 30/07/2025 09:21

What is the interest on the loan OP? Can you afford to pay it if they don't? How long have you taken it over?

I'd be worried OP, really worried tbh.

Dearg · 30/07/2025 09:28

I think the issue with lending to friends or family is that they don’t take the debt seriously, as they would if the lender were a bank, credit card or the local loan shark.
So you are always going to be last in the queue for the payback.

Please tell your brother that you took out a loan and tell him the interest you are paying, then get a payment plan from him which covers both, so you are not out of pocket.

There will be a lot of excuses, but be strong, or be prepared to say goodbye to your ££.

MNpenisadvisor · 30/07/2025 09:31

Why would you loan money without a set repayment agreed in advance?!

TizerorFizz · 30/07/2025 09:33

You needed to draw up an agreement about repayment! I’d never loan anything to family but I’d give to DCs.

PullTheBricksDown · 30/07/2025 09:37

So they couldn't wait two weeks to furnish their house? A likely story. Sorry but I think you've made a mistake here and it's now about damage limitation. I get what you're saying about not wanting to touch money in the bank, but given that you'll be paying the interest on the loan, I would use the other money you have in reserve to pay back the loan you took out, and then work on getting your brother to agree to realistic repayment in instalments so you can replace your savings.

Ilovemyshed · 30/07/2025 09:54

Never lend money you need back, especially don’t borrow money to lend. Sorry.

If they could not afford it then they should have saved or begged/ borrowed or searched on free sites.

I expect they will “struggle” to pay back.

Richiewoo · 30/07/2025 10:26

Im sorry op. Im afraid you probably won't see that money again. Ive lent money to my sister and her husband. I didn't get back. Now I don't lend money. Its a tough lesson to learn when you trust someone.

UrbanFan · 30/07/2025 10:30

Don't lend if you can't afford it and frankly don't expect it back.

Definitely don't borrow money to lend to someone else. You might as well write it off right now. I hope you have learnt your lesson about this.

Once you have given it how it is spent is nothing to do with you.

Pedallleur · 30/07/2025 11:00

Dont worry, experience tells us they will be back. But your refusal to be an ATM will be taken as an insult so they wont pay it back.

Turnups · 30/07/2025 11:07

No point in telling you now that it was a mistake, and having lent it to them I don’t think you can stipulate how they spend it.

However, I would tell your brother in writing (text?) that you’re sure he understands you can’t afford to lose this money, and you’d like a concrete proposal NOW of how and when he proposes to repay you. You could frame it as "to stop me worrying about how I’m going to manage the repayments on the loan I took out for you" if you want to soften it a bit.

Michele09 · 30/07/2025 11:12

Why did you take out the loan not your brother?
Surely the loss of interest on your savings would be less than the interest added to the loan?
Have you added the cost of the interest payments to the repayment costs and agreed a time schedule based on the length of the loan ?

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