Do your teens swear af you?

[SilverliningHunter]

DD, 16, is generally a good kid. She works hard at school, has hobbies and a part-time job and a very active social life - parties/trips away with friends.

She’s just finished her GCSEs and I’m finding her behaviour at home increasingly challenging, it is just us and she’s estranged from her dad so we don’t get much of a break from her.

She’s not openly hostile but she often doesn’t do her small list of chores despite saying they are done when asked. They are not done. Eg dishwasher not emptied etc.

And, worse imo, she’s started swearing at me. Not all the time but she’s told me to fuck off and ‘oh look she doesn’t fucking answer’ that kind of thing. I find this absolutely gobsmacking that she has the audacity to do this when; for example, I’d picked her and her friends up from a party at 1am at the weekend.

So, do you have a zero tolerance approach to swearing? I’ve told her that she won’t be allowed to attend the next thing she is looking forward to next time she does it.

Are my teens difficult, rude and very frustrating on occasion? Yes

do my kids ever talk to me in the way you have detailed? Absolutely not

Not all the time but she’s told me to fuck off and ‘oh look she doesn’t fucking answer’ that kind of thing.

Nasty not just offensive

My children range from their 30s down to preteen.
They never swear at me.

Difficult, annoying absolute PITAs but they have never sworn at me.

No, they would never. Sorry, your daughter is disrespectful, I would stop doing anything for her benefit like washing, ironing, pocket money, etc.

My teens swear around me. Worth the understanding that it’s just a word, and they are becoming adults, and’si swear myself at times.

swear AT me? Never. And there would be severe consequences if it ever did happen. I’m not precious about swear words used in general. However I will not be disrespected and likewise I wouldn’t swear AT them

They swear, my son does a bit. But AT me? In frustration or anger? Absolutely not and I wouldn’t allow it. I’d be slapping down sanctions so fast it would make their heads spin.

My son is now 22 and daughter 19 and I have never heard them swear, either at me/their dad or in general conversation, even if they are repeating something someone else said they will say “the f word” or spell out/rhyme the word.
however there are some “swear words” that we don’t really class as swears - bloody, shit, hell, etc, so I have heard those, not directed at me but in general like “bloody hell look at that” or “these things are shit”, I don’t mind that.

No lifts nothing.

Swearing at you! Vile..

I have 4 in their 20s I have never heard them swear we do not swear. It's not something we do. I hate it

I've got 3 kids and they've all sworn at me..but only the once.
I made it absolutely clear that it was totally unacceptable and I would not ever have them swear at me..ever..
This was in a loud, firm clear voice telling them next time they ever swore at me there would be consequences..
Did this disrespect only just start op?

Mine.doesnt swear at me. He wouldn't dare

What consequences is there for being spoken to like that OP? It needs stamping on immediately.

No. My teens (17 and 19) swear, but they have never sworn at us. Not once.

Ouch that must hurt op. Try and come down hard on it so it doesn’t become her go to.

@gamerchickI cancelled a sleepover but it was only loosely planned so it didn’t feel impactful tbh.

@Marylou62Yes, it has been a recent thing. And the general disobedience- ie lying and saying x is done when it isn’t and she’s had alllll day. So disappointing and infuriating.

DC1 (15) has sworn at me in the nastiest, meanest way on multiple occasions, like really let rip, going waaay below the belt, cursing appearance, personality traits, dead relatives -anything to wreak maximum emotional havoc.

DC2 (12), like most people's DC, would never countenance swearing at anyone or anything, not even a piece of sharp lego underfoot.

DC1 is autistic and the swearing and cussing only happens very specifically when there is a transition to something unknown or unexpected underway and they're panicking. They also swear at their dad, assistant, sibling and friends in those circumstances. Otherwise, just like DC1, wouldn't say boo to a goose. But onlookers don't know that and blanch when overhearing DC1, no doubt judging us harshly. I was coaxing DC1 into an appointment the other day; they were crying their eyes out, hyperventilating and spitting expletives, but holding my hand and taking one step at a time toward the door. It's rough, and I occasionally flinch at the more crude descriptions of my eye-bags or the sound of my chewing or whatever DC1 conjures in the moment, but I can't take it personally and have given up trying to 'correct' it with consequences.

My kids are all adults now so maybe I'm out of touch but I would remove her phone and all availability for social media..
I would come down so hard and make it absolutely clear that this stops now...

This.

My da is nearly 21 now and he’s sworn around me in context but he knows if he ever swore at me there would be consequences.

He also knows when he’s gaming online and I say enough of the language the swearing around me has reached too much and reins it in.

We have a 16 year old just finished GCSE, yes they swear but like that at me, god no, not sure why, probably because they know that one second word said at me like that would result in half a day's lecture, many fun things cancelled, basically their life would be miserable for an unreasonable amount of time.

Casual swearing is one thing, but not AT people, not being offensive, rude and nasty. I'm 46, I have never sworn at my parents (in fact I think I have only sworn in front of them twice in times of extreme tension!) If someone swore at me at 1am then they would't be getting lifts from me for a while...

Eldest now am adult swears , swore at me once and once only before I gave them what for and haven't since.
I'd be stopping doing everything for them that's for sure.

Nope my adult children have never sworn at me. The occasional swear word moaning about something is ok as long as it’s not regularly.

I am in my 50s and my swearing could make a sailor blush. I swear in front of my parents a lot ... but have I ever sworn at them? No. It's a respect thing.

Has she never shown any of this type of behaviour before? In my opinion this kind of base level disrespect doesn’t just come from nowhere.
My teens would only ever swear at me once and the look on my face would be enough to prompt an immediate apology. They have know since they were old enough to back chat that I don’t allow it. They can disagree with me, they can argue with me but they do so in a respectful and reasonable manner. Any rudeness is shut down immediately. I am their mother, not a mate.
We have fairly heated disagreements but they would never dare to tell me to ‘fuck off’ or use such a condescending, sarcastic tone. In return I try to listen and accommodate if at all possible. I pick my battles sometimes and recognise that they are the world differently to me. I give them space to comply in their own time if appropriate. Some things are non negotiable but some can be flexible.
They can still be bloody and lazy and annoying!!

At age 15 and above, I don't have an issue with some swearing in general conversation, company dependent (not in front of teachers/ great grandparents etc.). There's no way I'd allow them to swear AT me, that's abusive and disrespectful.