Partner violence

[Sandandsea123]

I dont know what to do. My partner went out for the day yesterday and last night rang me in an awful drunk state; telling me he’d hit someone and they were on the floor, and he left before police came. He sounded quite gleeful about it. We had to rehome our dog because he was getting violent to him and he goes out his way to scare the cats. He’d never hurt us; I just don’t even want him coming home. But I love him and the brief bits of time he does help are amazing. But will the police find him and this have repercussions?

Well done, it can be so hard because he's not always bad and then abusers are so great at manipulating you that they're sorry and then they do it again. Did the police charge him with anything? Or have the released him pending investigation? I'm imaging they referred it to SS as well.

Well done OP please move on and don’t take him back under any circumstances no matter what he promises, he’s already shown his true colours

So he’s financially abusing you by taking your bank card. I am so glad you got away from him with your kids and cats because he’s dangerous. DO NOT ALLOW HIM BACK.
@Sandandsea123

I had an ex who once came home late one night drunk saying he had hit someone in the street and they were on the floor and they ran off.
He also became more and more aggressive towards me in the relationship. I remember he dragged me around the house once by my ankles. He used to lose it very easily.
When I tried to leave him he had me against a wall with a large knife at my throat and once I’d escaped he smashed the house up. He also threatened to kill me for a long while after.

Just because he may not have physically hurt you yet doesn’t mean he never will.
And just because someone hasn’t punched you doesn’t mean they’re not abusive.

He could change, for a while, then he'll step it up even further. Domestic abuse escalates. I never thought my ex would hit me until one day he did. I called the police and never looked back. DC and I still have trauma.

Well done op. I can’t really imagine how hard it is, but you have done it. Do try the women’s aid people.

and he isn’t coming back until he can prove things have changed

How will he prove that?

Well that was quite some update.

Glad you managed to get a locksmith at such short notice on a Sunday.

Well to be fair, that's how lock smiths work. Most people don't plan in advance to have a lock issue.

@Sandandsea123

No you didn't write the correctly, what you meant to write was ' and he isn’t coming back. ' full stop.

Either way she's wasted an absolute fortune if so.

I'd give it less than a week before he's back, 'proving he can change'.

I call bullshit that he’s left, locks changed and that’s that. No way.

From someone who has been in your shoes, has got the T-shirt and scars to prove it...

You do not love this man - you are scared of him. There is no love, you love the idea of a relationship, so you have settled for including this person in your life. This horrible person is violent, abusive and sinister. You do not owe him space in your life.

Do not allow him back. Of course he will prove he's changed - they all do, but they don't change. THEY. DO. NOT. CHANGE.

Do better for your children, do better for yourself and call the police and tell them he assaulted someone.

Went for on he'd never hurt her to gone and locks changed. We all hope that's happened.

She’s probably made him dinner whilst he was an AMAZING Dad and held the baby for half an hour

Sounds like you're well suited to this piece of shit. Any mum who doesn't put the welfare of their children first is an embarrassment and quite frankly doesn't deserve children. They are witnessing and being harmed by his behaviour. The fact he could have killed someone and you don't seem bothered makes you sound like a psychopath. You stay with this vile guy but hand your children and pets over to the authorities first so at least they stand a chance away from you both.

If he has your bank card then cancel it and ask for a new one. Great news that you made him leave as it worried me as he sounds a violent man.

Please don't let this slimeball back into your lives! There is a better life for you and your DC beyond this, I promise.

You are deluded and that’s very dangerous. He’s a cunt. How could you love such a “man” , you had to rehome your poor dog and you’re scared for the cats , yet you “ love” that sort of a man? Sort yourself out OP!

The “until he can prove he’s changed” sentence shows that you are unfortunately still choosing this man over your children when it comes down to it. The fact you’re leaving the door open and are clearly hopeful he’ll come back means you aren’t willing or able to adequately safeguard your poor children. I really hope your older child confides in someone so that SS can get involved and give you some parenting classes / counselling / ultimatums you’ll take seriously. Your poor kids.

You literally have no guarantees.
He is violent to animals to others to you (once).
Don't wait for the time he injures you.
He takes your bank card.
It will only take that 1% to kill you. Why risk it?

You are willingly with someone who goes out of his way to be cruel to animals? And is gleeful about hurting others? What is wrong with you?

Jesus op. He sounds a right catch. Get rid. He will hit you and kids given time. Live a drama free life fgs! Stay single

I changed the locks myself; it really isn’t hard! I went and got a new barrel lock for each door and just changed them. My dad brought me up to be handy; anyone who thinks they need a locksmith needs to just watch a YouTube video.

both my girls and my cats are fine. My dog is happy as anything in his new home, and tbh; I didn’t really have the time for him so he’s better off.

he’s still not here; his friends did tell me the “hitting” thing was him being drunk and silly, he didn’t actually do it. I spoke to the bar/club and they confirmed nothing happened and if I want to go in see cctv of him leaving I can.