It would be weird, wouldn't it, to contact a man I like more than five years since I last heard from him?

[wallflowerchild]

He's a man I used to work with. I always liked him and I think maybe he liked me too.

I've seen people on MN say that if a man really likes you he'll always make a move, however shy he is. So that suggests he didn't like me.

But, we worked together and he was an over thinker, always second guessing himself. I can imagine him panicking that it would be sexual harassment in the workplace if he asked me out and I said no.

But then, even when we stopped working together he didn't. But neither did I. We both still work for the same company but different branches so we never see each other.

I'm worried that if I get in touch now after all this time it'll look like I've just run out of other options and I've finally got around to him. But I never had any other options, I just never had the courage.

For all I know he might not even be single anymore.

I was wondering if I just send a breezy "Hi, long time no see, how are you?" type message and then depending on how/ if he replies ask if he wants to meet up, would that be weird?

We always got on really well and I miss him.

It's weird, yes

It isn't that weird if you like him. Shoot your shot as they say. The worst he can do is blank you or say no thank you. As long as you won't dwell on it if he fails to respond to one message, do it.

Oh well. I'll just have to move on then.

I'd maybe test the water with a link to a news story or something that made you think of him. I mean, about a subject you talked about not a link to a dreamy looking bloke. But you might have to search for something to do that. Otherwise it's obvious you're getting in touch because you're thinking about him, so more risky, even though you are getting in touch with him because you're thinking about him 😄

That's what I thought, the problem is I know I'm likely to dwell on it.

Too much time has passed for it to not look at least slightly odd. He may be happy to hear from you but if it turns out he liked you all this time but was too scared to do anything about it, then he's not going to make great relationship material. It was a long time ago anyway, if he did like you he's probably moved on.

Not weird to drop him a friendly line. And using his response just go from there. An old colleague from two decades got in touch the other day - we didn't fall out it was just that we were working in NHS commissioning when everything was changing and we ended up in different places. Was really nice to hear from them. You'll get an indication as to how he feels from his response, but after all this time I wouldn't be making romantic overtures until you've established some kind of a friendship first.

Do a bit of online investigating, see if you can find out whether he is single or not first.

In all honesty it is weird that you've left it 5 years and think it's because he's shy and an overthinker, but if you're both single, why not.

Ok in which case don't. Fully forget he exists. Because the likelihood of him being 'the one' is massively slim to zero.

Go for it. What have you got to lose.

If he doesn't reply noones going to know you contacted him and you're not going to run into him at work

OK, so most people seem to think it's too weird.

I was always just hoping that something would happen at work that would make our paths cross but it never did.

Nothing wrong with getting in touch with a colleague after years!

I do it semi regularly. And I’ve had a few colleagues getting in touch after not speaking for years.

I worked in an industry with lots of contractors and short term Projects so have lots of former colleagues.

none have been looking to start something romantic ( and neither have I)

saying this OP because it will NOT be weird to get in touch with a colleague you were friendly with.

no need to start with declaring undying love! Just get back in touch as an old friend and see where it goes. If he likes you, he’ll be happy to reconnect too.

He’s not interested.

If he was he would have contacted you.

Remember OP, mumsnet is full of people who don’t answer their door when the doorbell rings!

It is not weird to get in touch! Go for it’

if he fancies you, he’ll just be glad you got in touch
if he doesn’t fancy you, he might think it’s a bit weird, but if he never sees you, what’s the drama?!

I wasn't planning on declaring undying love!

I was hoping that we could exchange a few friendly messages, and then I could say something like "if you're ever free and want to meet for a coffee and a proper catch up let me know."

And then hopefully that would lead to a few meet ups as friends and see how it goes from there.

just do it

Sorry OP - didn’t think you were planning to do that!

just the way people are reacting to this would make you think you were.

what you are suggesting is completely normal,
and if it turns out he’s married or whatever, you can just play it down

Go for it!! Good luck ☺️☺️

@wallflowerchild well I don’t think it’s weird! Only weird if you had odd intentions like a nosy ex or something. I think it’s quite romantic actually. It’s been 5 years and you still hold a torch for him so if it were me I’d just bite the bullet and go for it. I don’t do social media and can’t be arsed snooping on him to see what his ‘status’ or whatever is. I would just be honest and say you realise this may seem weird and a little out the blue but you’ve been kicking yourself not keeping in contact with people you got on with and as life’s short, rather than procrastinating further about it you’ve decided to just contact him and say hello! Then just take cues from what he replies - if he’s with someone, no doubt he’ll include that in his update and I guess you can move on or if he’s still single well then the balls in your court to perhaps steer the conversation to how you want. Either way, it’s unlikely you get hurt or outright rejected this way.

Go for it, what have you got to lose ??

Go for it, it's not like you have to face him every day if he says no/doesn't reply
Yolo

If you've been thinking about him for 5 years and not seeing anyone else, that's a bit weird, tbh. You've likely built up a whole fantasy around him and I'm wondering if you're avoiding living in reality by having this guy in your head.

It's probably a bit weird. But dont ask dont get. If he doesn't respond you are in exactly the same position as you are now so what's to lose?

Go for it OP. Ifes too short! What's the worst that could happen? He doesn't reply?

If you don't contact him, it might well be one of your deathbed, what ifs / regrets. Do it.