It would be weird, wouldn't it, to contact a man I like more than five years since I last heard from him?

[wallflowerchild]

He's a man I used to work with. I always liked him and I think maybe he liked me too.

I've seen people on MN say that if a man really likes you he'll always make a move, however shy he is. So that suggests he didn't like me.

But, we worked together and he was an over thinker, always second guessing himself. I can imagine him panicking that it would be sexual harassment in the workplace if he asked me out and I said no.

But then, even when we stopped working together he didn't. But neither did I. We both still work for the same company but different branches so we never see each other.

I'm worried that if I get in touch now after all this time it'll look like I've just run out of other options and I've finally got around to him. But I never had any other options, I just never had the courage.

For all I know he might not even be single anymore.

I was wondering if I just send a breezy "Hi, long time no see, how are you?" type message and then depending on how/ if he replies ask if he wants to meet up, would that be weird?

We always got on really well and I miss him.

I've not been constantly thinking about him for five years.

I've been busy, my DCs have had exams, I've been studying as well as working, my dad's been ill, my house has needed a lot of work. I've not really been in a position to start seeing anyone until now.

Why not contact him - just a brief chatty hello, like you might send any former colleague. Nothing to lose really, as long as you don’t invest too much in it.

Fair enough, nothing to lose by contacting him. Hope it works out

I would say go for it. You have nothing to lose. Good luck!

Uch ignore all that twaddle about men making the first move. Sometimes I've made it, sometimes I haven't. Personally, if someone I liked, platonically or otherwise, popped up after a few years then I'd be chuffed. You've got nothing to lose - hope it works out for you :)

A lack of confidence is at the bottom of all this isn't it? You didn't have confidence to talk to him at the time and now your confidence to try is being knocked by people on here saying that you shouldn't get in touch. Be bold!

What's the reverse of faint heart never won fair maid? Give it a go, you will never know otherwise. See what might be there and if it's nothing then you've lost nothing have you? Let him fade into the woodwork.

Can you think of a shared interest/ something you talked about that you could use as a 'I saw XX and it reminded me of when we worked XXX and I wondered what you were up to these days?' Is there a mutual colleague/ band / something you can come up with to start the chat so it feels less like you are clutching at straws?

If you never see him around, then it's not going to cause awkwardness if you try and it doesn't work out. So you may as well give it a go.

a). it's not weird at all - as you said -life got in the way - I doubt think that's unusual.
b). there's no reason to believe that he would have made a move if he had been genuinely interested - there can be a lot of inhibiting reasons.

I have occasionally give through my old emails tidying up, I e. deleting things, and come across people I haven't heard from for ages.... and I've just popped off an email saying exactly what I was doing. IME people quite like to get an email out of the blue. Only a week ago I sent an FB message to the husband of someone I have been unable to track down - I knew they divorced 25 years ago - I went to the wedding - it barely lasted 5 years and I didn't know him well at all but I had a great exchange with him... I was not expecting him to tell me that he had no idea - they lost touch soon after divorcing and have had no context since, so my search for my old friend goes on... but, you see, it's not unusual to reach out after a long time. Life is short so just do it.

OK!

I'm going to go for it!

Not tonight though.

Friday night doesn't feel like the right time to randomly get in touch with someone after all this time.

Maybe tomorrow afternoon?

Yep not tonight as it's Friday night and people are often out/drinking and you don't want it to come across wrong. Tomorrow 2pm - go for it then - you have nothing to lose, you really don't!

After some snooping to see if he is obviously married I would get in touch with saying you want to catch up for work reasons or because something reminded you of him.
Let us know what he says and we can work out if he is interested!

However if he is shy then it might need a bit of probing!

Life is short. Why not, at worst he might think you fancy him, and will probably be mildly flattered.

Really weird.

It’s absolutely lovely when people you liked but lost touch with, get back in touch.

Do it! The worst that could happen is that he doesn’t reply, and you can cope with that. The best that can happen is it all works out and you live happily ever after : )

Besides, you both sound like highly sensitive over thinkers so you already have loads in common : )

Do it! You have nothing to lose and something to gain.

It is fine to contact him as long as you do it in a friendly, not a declaring your love way lol. My husband many years ago, got a heartfelt card, and a whole letter inside it saying how much she regretted it not working out with them (ex girlfriend, only dated 3 months) And how if he was up for a reunion , she would not say no. We had been married 3 years at that point, he has no social media and they had no mutual friends, as she had never met them, that she could have got our address from, only the old fashioned phone book had our address, and it clearly had G&L Our last name. If it had only said G our last name, I would have not have been so angry! So, if I were you, I would send something out to contact him, but keep it friendly and say what others are saying, things like, you were thinking of old work friends that you have lost touch with and wondering how he was doing in life. If he is single and wants to contact you after that , he will. If it turns into your love story, you can confess later why you reached out

Yay I'm so glad you've decided to go for it :)
I hope you get a date together soon :)

Do it, The worst that can happen is he turns you down or blanks you, and if that happens then so what?!?

Do it!!!!! What do you have to lose? What might you gain?

Another one here who thinks you should go for it 😁
Best of luck!

I would not.

I would, I have, earlier this year, someone I'd last seen in 2002. I found him on LinkedIn and said something like, "Hi, Don't know if you remember me, but I went past where you used to work and thought of you, and wondered how you atre- looks like your career is going well."

He replied back, "Of course I remember you!" I found out he's married with a daughter, and his career is going well. We just chat on LinkedIn from time to time, and I have not said, "blimey, you've developed a bit of a beer gut in those years," but it must be said, I thought it... he's still lovely though.

Go for it. Good luck

Message sent. 😮

Good for you @wallflowerchild - regardless of what follows I hope you can take this smidge of confidence and use it again and again - life is so much more "alive" when you learn to make decisions, take more risks and open the doors to more opportunities (imho) - don't be a sensitive orchid your whole life, be a dandelion - grow anywhere and everywhere! 😀

Go for it op, good luck I hope all ends positively.