What would you tell your 20 year old self?

[BertieRosie]

Or what would you go back to change, if you could redo it?

Give less of a fuck about what people you don't really know think of you. If they don't like you being you then who cares?

Have a bit more sex and lots more fun, dance all night at least once a month, travel even more, do it, go!

Leave the bloke you're with, he was alright for a year but you can do better (and you will!)

You are doing a good job. Despite all your self doubts about your marriage and your children you are well loved. Project 50 years and find yourself financially stable, children, grandchildren, in-laws and a DH who all love and respect you.

Stop giving so much head space to your dreadful mother, step well away from her because she is bent on destroying your happiness. Sop thinking that you are not good enough.

Get therapy to discover that you are not the worthless person your mother says you are.

This is more a me thing, don't know how applicable it would be in general but, do the things that you enjoy. Don't feel like you have to keep trying things that aren't working again and again just to please other people.

Travel, experience the world, don’t tie yourself down so young, there could be so much out there you are missing because of it, find a different career.

Don't get married.... it's not worth the pain. Travel more while you have the money, energy and time ❤️

All of this!

But also, in my case: contrary to what you've been told, employers don't want someone with a classics degree and no "old school tie". So no point sticking out a gruelling four year degree course surrounded by sneering public school arseholes, unless you think that sounds like a fun way to spend your late teens and early twenties. "But I'm already halfway through, and maybe things will get better?" They won't, plus it's 1997 and property will never be this cheap again. Drop out, head north, get any minimum wage job* and do all the extra shifts, and do yourself a favour and get on the property ladder. There won't be another chance unless you move abroad, and from 2020 onwards you probably won't be able to do that either.

*Yes, I know the NMW only came in in 1999. I would have also told my 20 year old self that New Labour did a much better job than she anticipated, unless you're someone stuck in the rent trap (or an Iraqi).

PS if I'd followed that sage advice, I wouldn't have had my DC, which would have sucked. But I'd have appreciated a heads up about how the world really worked, as opposed to how I was told it worked!

To appreciate your mum a hell of a lot more because your time is limited and precious ❤️❤️❤️

Don’t get involved with a friend who would eventually go on to be my husband - he’s an abusive twat.

Stop drinking to cope with my trauma.

Move to uni rather than stay at home and focus on the course.

I couldn’t even start. It would be too painful.

Raise the bar - higher, much higher!

That I am not and never was the problem.

Find a job, any job, and leave uni. You're going down the wrong path and getting in with the wrong kind of people. You can get back into education later

Stop with the fomo! You’re doing well going your own sweet way.

Interesting that these threads always divide into those who wish they had gone to university versus those who wish they hadn't, and those who wish they had cherished their parents more versus those who regret keeping in contact with them at all. (Very different parents, one assumes.)

do the things that you enjoy. Don't feel like you have to keep trying things that aren't working again and again just to please other people.

Hell yeah! It was around this time that I figured this out for myself, but I still had a certain amount of shame linked to choosing classical music recitals over grimy and deafening nightclubs filled with drunk rapey men. Those clubs don't seem to be a thing for students any more, unless my DC have just fallen in with an unusually sober crowd!

Stay home more, learn to bake, embrace your own company, enjoy the countryside, hug more animals, read more books, look for kindness, don’t be afraid to walk away from an idiot.

Don’t take that job after graduation - go to London to study.

Don't give that man you don’t even like a moment of your time.

Be picky. Don’t date any man who asks you. Know your worth.

Similar, cultivate more hobbies that don't depend on other people and take notice of things like the seasons changing and little details that make you happy.

This will be the best 10 years. The job will be amazing, the place you live fantastic, and the friends you make will be some of the best you’ll ever make. They’ll still be your ‘tribe’ 20 years after you’ve all gone your different ways and meeting up with them will be unmissable for all of you, and an annual highlight.
So take time to really appreciate it and enjoy it instead of worrying about the things you aren’t doing. That stuff will come so really enjoy the now.

Do the law degree you can really do it. Believe in yourself and distance your family they really are toxic.

Start thinking the term 'weird' as a badge of honour, because you're going to carry on being called that... but at least the 'weird' things (like enjoying your own company and interests) make you happy!

Also, stop listening to your family. You do not HAVE to stay at university, doing a course that you have no interest in, nor should you have been pushed into doing your A-Levels. Quit while you're head and go and do the course that you wanted to do, at the college that you wanted to go to when you left school. Your family put you under a lot of pressure that will almost break you one day. On the bright side, things will be easier when you move out.

Yes, you're going to be the one who breaks tradition and moves out of the 3-mile radius of your entire family. Even better, you're going to move out of the village and not feel guilty about it. You might inspire some others to do the same.

Be bold and brave, because life is what you make it. You only get one life, so make it as happy and as interesting as you can!

Don’t get married at 21. He’s a nice enough man but you really are too young.

Take more notice of financial matters, pensions might not seem to be important at 20 but time moves quicker than you realise.

Force your step brothers to do more for their mum. Caring for your dad with dementia will take its toll on you. Sliding into becoming your step mums carer is what they expect. Stand your ground sooner. The end result will be the same.

You’re right, these people are toxic. You don’t have to tolerate them. Don’t worry, the one is coming to save you and change your life in the most amazing ways

Stay out of debt and invest even a little bit each month via an index fund.

Don’t get married (and definitely don’t get married twice). Stop thinking you’re fat.

Don’t get married and don’t have children because your life will be curtailed and your options limited whilst the sperm doner will carry on as normal and then skip off into the sunset.