Are certain sacrifices worth it for more siblings as adult?

[ChitterChatter1987]

If you are part of a close family unit with
2 or 3 siblings, but there was not lots of money or house space growing up, would you say trade offs such as holidays in UK instead of abroad, sharing bedrooms,more split of parents attention etc were worthwhile sacrifices for having the benefit of more siblings as adults?

Also if you have 3 or 4 children now but these things apply, are the sacrifices worth it or do you or they feel that they miss out not having certain privelidges that more money can bring, or having to share their parents or other siblings with each other more?

My DH is an only and really felt it when his parents were elderly. He had nobody to share the burden with.
I only have one sibling so I can't say if more would be better. But I do feel pleased my DCs have cousins, we are more or less on the same page with things like elderly care when needed etc.
Edit: we didn't go without as children but we also didn't have as many little treats as a lot of my friends, though I think this was partly fear of us being "spoiled" and partly that they scrimped to pay their half of school fees though we had bursaries.

I am from a large family that not only meant we were poor financially we were deprived of time. In my entire childhood I had one day where it was just myself and my mother

@ChitterChatter1987I presumed you already have more than one, which you have confirmed. The discussion is different if you are talking about stopping at one child or giving that child a sibling, and many people would respond differently had you asked that.

Not quite what you asked but as an adult I wish I had more siblings and almost regret only have two children because of how I feel now. It’s easy to say now though I suppose.

I kind of didn't and don't want to make the conversation all about my individual situation though, or for it to be a 'should I have another child' post....just interested about the impact of multiple siblings going through life in close families with positive relationships, and if having them makes up for other material sacrafices people may have had (hence mentioning that I was wondering about the experiences of those who have more than one sibling)

Completely agree with this — it’s not just the lack of money for ‘nice to have’ things, but the lack of time and attention from parents.

I see many people who choose to have another child so one child doesn't end up being alone with the elderly parents, but another consideration that I've seen is often a sibling, especially if they end up having no family of their own and/or have no decent funds end up being a burden to their own siblings. That's also something I've seen play out alot. And hate to say it but the more kids, the more chances of one of them ending up in that situation, usually not everyone ends up successful

Why is that? Is it because you lack something in the relationships you already have with them?

I'm one of 3 and we are very close as adults. Speak most days, holiday together meet up regularly. My childhood was great, we shared bedrooms and did camping holidays etc.
i also have 3 children. It's bloody hard work and expensive! Never enough time for anyone!

Interesting question.
I am one of 3 and I get on with my sisters.
We weren’t rich, we always had enough food though, and I didn’t feel we were poor, but we didn’t go on foreign holidays or go out for meals, or big extravagances, and I remember my clothes were often hand-me-downs.
I would say mum had enough time for us all, but things were different then, I don’t think parents in those days were as involved with their children’s lives as parents are now. She wasn’t neglectful though.

I am glad of my sisters, they have both been supportive when I have needed it. We don’t see each other very often, or even chat on the phone that much, but we do get together as a whole family a few times a year. I like that my DCs have cousins, I think it’s good to learn to rub-along with people not your own age / interests.

Also it has definitely helped with elderly parents being able to share the burden. But I think we are all quite caring people.

Like others have mentioned, I always know that if there was a crisis my sisters would be there for me. I wouldn’t be without them.

Friends come and go but you always have your family.

From the posts on here it seems that in large families it isn’t necessarily the material things like no foreign holidays or sharing rooms that caused an issue, but where parents had lots of children and were neglectful and didn’t have enough time for everyone that was the problem.

I also have 3 children. Their personalities are very different but as children they have always got along well enough. But we have enough money to do occasional foreign holidays, meals out, extracurricular activities. So none of them have gone short of anything, although we definitely couldn’t stretch to private education!
We have always tried to make time/money for all of them and their individual interests, so I hope there isn’t any resentment when they are older.

I don’t know if they will get along as adults, I hope they do.

I’m an only child and definitely think a sibling is important, and am really feeling the lack of a sibling now I’m an adult and parents are getting older. I wouldn’t have more children then I could afford to give experiences to though, and also save for their futures.

The more children the merrier. Definitely worth the sacrifice, particularly if you are wondering about having a second child. I had more than that and also pleased I did.

Nope. DH's brother keeps himself to himself and his wife hardly talks. They have two adult DC now. So my DC have never really known their two cousins. They were never interested in getting to know our DC. Their loss 🤷‍♀️ We tried but they made excuses not to meet up. Their youngest is autistic and still mentally a three year old so we feel that's got a lot to do with it. Our eldest is same age as their youngest.

I’m so jealous. I’m one of 2 and my brother and I are no contact as we really don’t get along. It’s made me feel lonely as an adult. I would have loved to have had sisters.

I’m glad I have siblings. We get on fine. Our kids get on really well and still enjoy hanging out as older teens.
I have 3 and although we may have had to make some sacrifices, I’m glad they have their own bedrooms. It seems that they really wanted and benefited from that. I’m sure they would’ve coped if they’d had to share but I’m glad they have their own privacy because that’s what they wanted after sharing when they were young.

One of 4 here, all very different people, we live near to each other and see each other in passing at our parents' but generally tend to use our parents as the common news source for each other and use the family what's app for silly messages. So we're not super close but always just 'there'.

The only 'stuff' I missed out on growing up was fancy trainers and holidays to Florida, we were fed and clothed, but the joy of just one shared joke with my siblings about our shared memories more than makes up for it.

The point about cousins too - I had loads growing up, was great to mix with kids that had very different lives to my own but still had a common reference point in our grandparents.

i grew up poor, I have one sibling and we are not close. I see her a few times a year. My dad is one of six and never sees any of them except weddings and funerals. I have 3 dd and they are all close , see each other several times a month and message most days.

One sibling was more than enough for me.

I come from a large family and I wouldn't exchange anything for anyone of my siblings. Mom ran a tight ship, but we all knew what was expected from us. We all pitched in. There was even a chore inspection at 6pm on school days.

We absolutely loved going to the park. Our holidays, we spent in the local park or a slightly further away park. Or a random cousin house (with mom permission). But we were content with what we had.

To be honest, my older brother gifted me an all expenses paid for trip last year. We went there together and he had spoken to my sister beforehand so she could provide childcare while we gone.

It gave us the opportunity to talk about our childhood. Our perspectives were so different. It was a very interesting trip.

The cousin thing is probably cultural/generational too. My cousins are all very close and as a result we have fostered the relationships with our children. DH side of the family not so much. I'm closer to my cousins than my sibling and ditto for them

I am the youngest of 3 and my parents definitely over stretched themselves financially. We didn't share a room but money was a constant source of tension/worry, no foreign holidays, no expensive hobbies, my sister went without braces (technically for cosmetic reasons, but her teeth were bad).

My god it was worth it though, I love my siblings dearly and we're good friends. I don't know where I would be without them. My sister is looking to buy a house in my area and I am thrilled, we want to share childcare and for our kids to grow up together.
Sadly though maybe this comes from childhood trauma, our parents were deeply and unhappy complicated people, always gaslit us. My siblings and I literally only have eachother for emotional support, other people just don't understand.

My DH is the youngest of 4, financially his family they were very well off, wonderful holidays, each has their own room, expensive hobbies/individual trips for all of them, each had a car. I find it so sad none of them are close. His two sisters are NC, they can't stand eachother. He dislikes two of his siblings, the one he does like he still doesn't really talk to, and only see one another twice a year.

I just wish the family was bigger really! Maybe it’s because I don’t have a huge network of non-family so if I had more family I’d have more people in my life. Also looking forward towards parents getting older it would be easier if there were more of us perhaps.

I am the eldest of 3 and have 5 dc (planned 4 but 5th was a surprise who happened because the waiting list for a vasectomy was long and the pill didn't work). I complained about sharing things at the time and not being allowed to get a lift places if it clashed with my sister's piano lesson and having to go home from weddings etc at 8:30pm because my youngest sister had to go to bed.

However i think growing up having to share and compromise has helped me in the long run. I have been with dh for nearly 24 years which i think is fairly unusual at our ages.

With the dc we are always aware that they didn't choose to have 4 siblings. We don't have much money but most of what we do have is spent on them. We always make time for them individually.

That's fair. My immediate family is quite small and Christmas is boring!

Yes I think it crosses my mind more at Christmas tbh. We’re brainwashed to into thinking everyone is having these huge family Christmases.