Why was your pet an arsehole today?

[VioletsandDill]

My cat just jumped up on and plonked himself in the middle of our Scrabble game, cleaned his nethers for a bit, then jumped back down, knocking the letters about. Good job he's cute.

Probably to punish me for 15 minute late dinner today.

My dog dug 2 crater-like holes in the back garden, set off a Mexican wave of dog barking during what had been a very pleasant evening outdoors, jumped on to my partner’s lap on the sofa administering a hefty doof in the balls and then proceeded to fart repeatedly (long, squeaky, rancid) throughout a tense episode of Handmaids Tale. I’ve told him he’s a bad boy but his expression tells me he knows he’s the goodest dog in the land.

Clawing the sofa (see my thread)

Jumping on the worktops and eating left over bits of cake

Causing cat hair to be all over the place

Knocked over a lamp

One of my cats wiped her bum on my bedsheets.
Another cat managed to hide a dead shrew in the drawer with the tablecloths
They all smell of dead rodent now and need to be washed.
Thanks.

Cheeky cat repeatedly diving in the recycling bin to eat plastic (why!?). Knocked over a vase of gladioli, spilling water all over the wooden window frame (mothers voice ‘water stains never come out’ resonating in my head).

Dog repeatedly farting while sleeping next to me.

This was also a low drama pet day to be honest.

Took her (dog) out at 7am across the fields. She dashed into the bushes and waded through a stream because she'd seen a deer... promptly disappeared for 10 mins after said deer, returned (she never catches anything!) and then couldn't work out how to get back across... idiot animal.
Eventually after much whimpering, she found her way across back to me.
She is a pain😆

My Podenco has slept all day because it's so hot then noisily demanded walks and play from 8pm - 1am.

Cat stayed out until 12.30 and well past both of our bedtimes because I tried to catch him when a dog was running around on our road and he likes to chase them. He consumed many Dreamiest in my efforts to get him to come inside for the night.

One of my cats has a habit of stealing pens. He kicks them all over the house.

Most end up under the washing machine.

One cat decided to ski across the hall carpet after taking the worlds stinkiest dump. 💩
The only upside is he now has a sparkling bumhole that looks like polished crystal.

Second cat barfed a sloppy hairball up behind the kitchen door, which dragged somewhat.🤢

NDNs cat turned up on our step when we got back from the supermarket demanding I feed her.
Facing fully east, the low and bright sun with 😎 on and a prick of a DH who didn't open the boot lid fully and a meowing not my cat distracting me meant I walked into the edge of the lid.🤕

Rolled in what appeared to be decaying whale blubber on the beach.

dog is tried to jump over into next doors garden. She has already done it and we extended the height of the wall with trellis and prickly plants. Really hoping she doesn’t crack it and we have to extend again.

Toasty Boy Cat has decided that as a black cat the best place to sleep is in direct sunlight in our west facing garden.

He's being absolutely adorable and lovely and perfect in his current favourite spot in the middle of the rug where the two fans have been pointed to create a mini vortex of air movement.

However;

5.05am. Informed DP that needing to use the toilet was irrelevant where there was an empty bowl in the kitchen.
5.35am. Took umbrage at DP coming back to bed and decided to escalate to Management that the Catering Department was slacking. At high volume.
5.37am. Submitted further complaints because Management also needs to use the bathroom when she is so rudely awoken after about 3.4 hours' sleep.
5.41am. Informed Management that Catering had failed to provide any sustenance whatsoever and a fresh bowl and food were required immediately.
5.43am. Confirmed that Management is a fucking imbecile because she didn't understand the shouted directions to where the last tin of cat food had been placed by Catering.
5.45am. Redecorated the kitchen floor with 45% of the cat food.
5.47am. Pissed off 45 sparrows by taking a dump underneath the tree where they roost.
5.49am. Notified a new cat in the neighbourhood that even though he has exactly zero chance of being able to climb up there, the back wall was his and anybody walking on it was going to be murdered horribly. Next time.
5.49.5am. Fled from Management coming out to prevent further noise straight into the patch of wild geraniums and refused to come out.
6.02am. Decided to bring all of the wild geranium seeds inside with him to roll into the rug.
6.04am. Went stupid(er) with the brushing/combing to remove the mere hundred or so geranium seeds remaining in his pelt and kept running off to get Management to follow him around with the brush and comb.
6.10am. Disappeared. Peace ensued, but as Management was very much very awake by now, kitchen cleaning started.
8.15am. Emerged from the patch of wild fucking geraniums again.
8.35am. Went to sleep.
10.05am. Rolled around looking cute and lovely. On the un-vacuumed rug (because vacuuming wasn't going to happen before that point due to it being Sunday morning). On the bright side, there are now several hundred fewer wild geranium seeds that need to be vacuumed off the rug.
12.44pm. Still there. Clearly an exhausting day so far.

Knocked over a tin of blue Cuprinol and walked through it with all four paws and her (white) tail.

Turned up miaowing to be let in the bathroom window while I was in the bath this morning. Got told to sod off but he wouldn't shut up. No way was I letting him in my bathroom so I had to get out and open ds2s window to let the fucker in. Bastard.

She was sick on the bedroom carpet.

And has now decided that her place to be is on the second stair from the top of a very steep set of stairs. Making herself long enough to cover the whole step. I think she's trying to kill me.

Being a typical black cat and sleeping in the sunniest part of the garden. Her fur smells fabulous though.

This thread makes me miss the 😂 option.

Waking me up at 6am and then when I’m wide awake, going back to sleep!

Opened laptop to reply to some emails and do some online banking. Kitten launched himself across table and on to laptop, slamming it shut 🙄

My other cat is a seed bringer inner too. He's very fluffy and likes to snooze in plants. And then attempt to take my arms off when I try to de seed him. At least we're all hard floors downstairs.

Ditto. And she's upsetting a dunnock, who has been piping in the tree all day. I love birds, but have you heard a dunnock? 'Peep... peep... peep... peep... (small pause to make you think he's stopped) ...peep... peep... peep...' x 3 hours like a bloody kid with a whistle... 😩

Came in from outside and puked on the only rug we have downstairs

My GSD ran at full pelt into the side of my knee yesterday while trying to get to the window to see if that was Daddy home. Today, my whole leg is stiff and painful and my knee has a massive purple bruise - her head is bloody hard!