Death

[BobhopeNohope]

Light-hearted
When I die if anyone says I "lit up a room" or any other such nonsense I'm coming back to haunt them
🤣

I told my DH and DC's that they can just put my body in the wheelie bin and stick me outside to be collected on a Thursday 😂

When my great aunt died, her husband asked the vicar to add that she "never had a bad word to say about anyone"

The two of them were lying gossiping arseholes who fell out with neighbours left right and centre and reported all sorts of innocent shit to the council. Me and my mother stood there open mouthed and I then had to stifle giggles for the rest of the service.

I'm definitely all for this direct cremation malarkey. People can share whatever thoughts they have of you with others or in private whenever they want. There really doesn't need to be a service (in my mind)

I've also told my Mum I won't be holding a wake for her and she's fine with that.

Well if that's the case then just don't click on the thread then surely?

Let me guess, you live near the sea but in a flat, so can’t have a patio?
😉

My funeral is going to be the BEST party ever. Once the formalities are out of the way there will be a barbecue on the beach with a DJ playing 90s tunes.

I'm recovering from cancer treatment so have thought about this a lot 😅

I don’t want anyone wearing bright colours at my funeral. I want full mourning, with hats and gloves and possibly veils for women. And I want keening.

I’m having a direct cremation and then I want my ashes to be put in the sea off a tropical beach. Money will be set aside from my estate for my kids and their partners to take me, and they’ll need at least a couple of weeks there to have a nice holiday grieve.

And I will haunt anyone that says ‘passed’. And I will not be wearing a bra. Or shoes.

Not to mention the fact that many people (myself included) find dark humour a positive coping mechanism for grief, and may well find comfort in this thread.

Exactly. Most people will be fine with a lighthearted thread about death. And if anyone is feeling a bit vulnerable around the subject, for whatever reason, then surely they just won't click on a thread with this as the title. Same as I don't click on threads with titles that don't interest me or feel might be triggering in some way. Its not rocket science is it?

Me too. None of this ‘wear colours’ bollocks. Sorry it’s my funeral, and I’d like to think people were sad and were going to miss me. I want the whole Victorian gothic doom and gloom. People wailing if they can muster it up!

But I’d be more than happy with ‘she lit up a room’ - what’s wrong with that? (Unless it’s followed by the line ‘…when leaving it’.)

It’s a must in most American documentaries about murdered people, especially women, that they lit up a room. Never knew so many arsonists were out there!
Ive buried a baby and that was a deeply sad event - I want to ensure mine is nothing like that! Not sure of the details but I’m definitely making a playlist and I’ll arrange my Fuberal in due course to be non Catholic (having endured that for most of my 50 years on the planet) and as ecologically sound as possible.
I would love if Joe Kenda narrated my eulogy though - which suggests I’d be murders in the US quite soon, but all things being equal - that’s not the worst that could happen, especially if he’d be narrator

Yeah, I'd like a mausoleum, like the Victorian ones you get in Kensal Green cemetery. DH knows..

I’ve written mine already

”barely adequate adult 6/10 on a good day. Very kind but did not know when to shut up. Prone to panic in a crisis and do not trust with a tin opener”

Oh God. That would be quite hard to cope with.
(Somewhat apocryphal, perhaps.)

I guess people hear “Donate to science” and assume that means life-saving medical research…..when actually it can mean anything 🤷🏻‍♀️😂
Explosives testing, chemical testing, being used as a practice dummy for medical students etc, must all be in the small print somewhere!

This might be outing, but I was recently at a funeral where "Going Underground" by The Jam was played! It was at the wish of the deceased. The celebrant looked most disapproving. 😆

I would like to be remembered for my excellent musical taste. In reality, I'll probably get lovely ladied 😂

“He/she was larger than life”

Makes them sound fat.

Jonathon Miller said something to the effect that a funeral is for those left behind and it's a bit off for the dead person to have left instructions, but a vicar said, "Never mind what he said. It's very helpful if someone writes down what they want."

The egg timer is so morbid. I love it.

I want to be part of an ossuary! Maybe if there's a few of us we can find a nutter to work on it? There's a guy who runs a penis museum in Reykjavik, seems like something he'd be into.

Kutna Hora is obviously the boss though.

my brother has a bench - he was a local councillor and they dedicated a bench to him at a bus stop he’d campaigned for. It has a plaque in it with his name and dates… it’s fucking weird because he isn’t dead! Dates are birth and when he emigrated to his wife’s home country. Doesn’t explain that though. So so odd 😂
as a result I do not want a bench.

I shall haunt anyone who says I ‘passed’ or ‘passed away’ instead of ‘died’.

That’d larn ‘em! 😈

I'll be bloody lucky if anyone comes along to say anything.

All my friends seem to be snuffing it around me which is just a mite concerning.

I have completed the paperwork to have my body donated to science. In the event I cannot be accepted my alternative wishes are in place. No crap music, (acceptable music is listed) no crap poems (the poem I want is listed), no religion. A eulogy is not required nor are family flowers but these are not must not haves. My children were a little taken back, but at least there will be no difficult conversations or questions about what I may or may not have wanted. One of my daughters said that she would not go against my wishes because I would no doubt come back to haunt them all. As long as my final outfit is not pink and sparkly ................