Why am I struggling to declutter?

[Welikebeingcosy]

Before I had DD I was always really.good at decluttering. I'd go through it all, bag it all up, and take it to the charity shop, or recycling etc. I'd moved house a lot as a student and even went backpacking and got all my possessions down to a rucksack full at one point.

Now in my mind thirties and I've had my own place for five and a half years and never been able to keep on top of the decluttering and I've no idea why!

I'll do a huge declutter and bag everything up and it will just sit there. I even moved bags from my last place out of the attic and to the shed in the new place. İnstead of just taking it to the charity shop.

This is the cycle my mind goes through 'okay I'm going to declutter. Okay I shouldn't donate that because it cost money, I've hardly used it/DD has hardly played with it and I could get a tenner/fiver for it' and the pile just grows.

I'm not short of cash, but I do have some 0 percent finance debts which I would like to pay off. However, I always think to myself 'i could probably earn a bit more with my time than what I'd earn putting all this on ebay'.

A lot of it is clothes where my weight has fluctuated and don't fit, nicer toddler clothes, toys, a few electronics, or things I've ordered which weren't the right thing that I didn't have the time to wrap and re post or the postage wasn't worth the effort. There's about four or five large boxes worthy. Why can't I just give it all away and let it go?? İt's all things from since I got my own social housing place after some turbulent years.

Also to add, I never can face doing the ebaying either, even though years back it was a hobby of mine.

Do you own a car. Put it straight into the car, on the seats, not the boot as you can ignore that.

No I'm currently learning to drive :)

Pop it on vinted for £2-£3!

Can you ask someone to just collect it for you. Takes some stress away

In TV shows when people struggle to let go of stuff it almost always transpires that the root cause is past trauma.

That's the bit I can't seem to face. I did just put two things on marketplace for a couple of quid. I just feel like this whole process would be over if I put it in boxes for charity to collect.

I'm the same, @Welikebeingcosy ,but I've reached the point where I can't live like this any more, and I'm bagging things up for the charity shop.

I've a long long way to go (I'm a hoarder).

Give outgrown baby clothes away. Charity shops get next to nothing for them.
Freecycle and Freegle are good.

If you have a charity shop nearby,take a few things each time you go past it.

This is me! I used to be so good at decluttering pre kids now ive become a bit of a hoarder and really struggle to part with things. I hate how cluttered my house has become as a result but parting with things can cause huge anxiety for me so its easier to just keep stuff. I think it stems from getting rid of my first dcs baby clothes which I really regretted afterwards when I realised how sentimental I felt about them. But they were gone.

I always used to avoid those plastic bags for ‘charity’ that come through the door, as I know that only a proportion of the proceeds actually goes to a charity. But at times recently when under stress I’ve used them and I have to say it’s been really useful. Some bigger charities like Oxfam will send a bag and collect it which would be better still.

This is the bit you need to work on: This is the cycle my mind goes through 'okay I'm going to declutter. Okay I shouldn't donate that because it cost money, I've hardly used it/DD has hardly played with it and I could get a tenner/fiver for it' and the pile just grows.

At some point you will realise that leaving it in your house is taking up mental energy in a massive way and you need to just get rid of it in the least stressful way you can.

Once you've done a big purge and got on top of it again you might be able to do the selling thing again, but at the moment it is just becoming your guilt pile of doom.

Can you get a friend who might be willing to come and help you? Set a morning aside and commit to visit charity shop and tip and just get rid of as much as you can in that time. You will feel AMAZING.

You're not going to sell them. If you were going to do that, you would have done.

Currently you're stuck punishing yourself for overbuying; wasting money; not being organised enough or too lazy to return unwanted purchases; and not maintaining the "correct" weight. You don't have to punish yourself. You can let all the guilt and self flagellation go. You can get them out of your house this weekend.

Concentrate on how light and free you'll feel when you've got rid of them to the charity shop, the charity earns money, someone else gets a bargain, the stuff isn't wasted. Be kinder to yourself.

You might get £5 for something, but chances are, it will sit there for months on end.

Focus on what you want to keep, not what to get rid of.

if something will sell for good money (e.g £20+), list it.

Is there someone with a car who would do a car boot sale with you? You won’t get much for most of it but it will be something, and a lot gone in one go. Pledge to drop
anything left at a charity shop on the way home.

Think of all the hours you’ve spent with your mind on the clutter. It must be constant background noise. Imagine the freedom you’ll feel when the stuff is just gone – I’d say the mental freedom is worth more than the hypothetical few £ you might make from selling it. If you can’t bear to charity it perhaps a boot sale? Then anything left over drop it to the charity shop on the way home. The internet is awash with kids’ stuff so I think it’s getting harder to make cash from toys etc — they’re just not worth much out of the shop.

I get it, I have piles of things to list on Vinted but I do eventually get round to it, and if it doesn’t sell within a few weeks I donate it. Having stuff hanging around is so stressful!

I used these people. Like all the charity bags we get now they’re a company who give some money for charity but honestly these days I just need it gone

anglodoorstepcollections.co.uk

I came on to recommend Anglo Collections too. They come when they say they will and just take the lot away!

That's a thought. Someone on my local freegle does charity car boot sales.

Time for me to get busy.

Do not do that, OP. That just takes more time, energry, and hassle. You will never earn the money that you charge.

Read Marie Kondo. Thank the items for the joy they once gave you - the thrill of buying? The use by your toddler? Then donate.

Thank you, you're right I probably am punishing myself for lack of perfection. But less of the lazy. I was battling a chronic illness, breastfeeding a neuordivergent child constantly for nearly three years and spent five years with her not sleeping and the bus fares sky Rockettes to a six quid return to even go to the nearest shop.

I do use anglo collections and they're great. I usually give them a bag or two and hold onto the rest 🤣They haven't got anything until 23rd July here.

Book one for a months time.

It sounds like you need to make a decision to either start selling or get rid of it. Set a deadline and if you haven’t started to sell some of it then get rid of it all.

I also worry I will regret getting rid of anything which reminds me of dad's early years .

You need to be selective. You can scan or photograph a lot of things.

Oh I sympathise. Like you, pre kids I was always hustling on ebay and would make loads buying and selling stuff on there and selling off my old stuff on there. Car boots too. Then kids came along. I wouldn't be hard on yourself. Given you are now running two peoples lives now rather than just one, you have half the amount of time to do anything! I have three kids and only recently have accepted that I don't have the time to sell on Vintage / Marketplace / Ebay. Its causes more stress than the money it creates is worth. I actually now have been locked out of my Ebay seller account because I found it too hard getting things into the post when I needed to and I got too much negative feedback. The stuff I put on Vinted stagnated there and I kept forgetting to check it so kept missing out on people making offers. Now I just throw it in a black bag and take it to charity. Or donate it to the children's school as they often have fundraisers selling second hand stuff. It's depressing watching all the money you've spent be effectively given away, though on the other hand it's making me buy less and more thoughtfully.