Neighbour made me feel like shit

[BloodyHumans]

I’ve namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to my other posts.

The neighbours where we live are very much appearances focused. But not in a 5mm high grass/picket fence way, just in an endlessly changing things in a noticeable way. Each to their own.

We bought a doer upper, but life has pretty much thrown us every curve ball going and it’s meant our doer upper has become more of a money pit where there is no money for fancy things (and not much money for the other things since the pandemic/COLC). We are fine with that, it doesn’t bother us, we are just glad to have our own home and a roof over our heads.

Our neighbour however tore a strip off us on the street, basically accused us of being losers - hit everything from the way our house looks (it’s not bad, it’s painted externally, no mess or anything externally, it’s just not fancy and looks basic), accused us of being lazy, accused us of being unemployed and told us if we worked we’d be able to afford for it to look better (we Do work but WFH, but assumptions have been made), also it was implied it makes us shit parents and we should be ashamed (bear in mind the whole house works and is fully functional, just dated). What hurt was on a street where I thought we belonged, the neighbours who were outside agreed. We obviously reacted to all of these accusations (firmly setting them straight) and now the neighbour who tore a strip off us is playing the victim and all of the neighbours in our corner of the street are ignoring us and one even laughed in our face.

What the hell are we supposed to do? I now feel the judgement of everyone and feel embarrassed because it did make me angry, but at the same time I don’t understand it.

If there was something obvious like piled up rubbish or things externally falling apart or it looked dishevelled I would understand, but there really isn’t. It just purely doesn’t have the fancier features that others have like external lights, hanging baskets and little finishing touches. It just looks basic and dated compared to the others in the street.

They also said we need to be quieter, even though we are the type to be in bed by 10pm and the house is silent in the day because we WFH. They on the other hand are all quite inconsiderate. I feel embarrassed and completely gaslit and don’t feel comfortable in my own home and we have lived here 10 years. I feel embarrassed because I matched the anger, and hurt that they view us this way and probably always secretly have.

Bare in mind this is an average terraced street in a fairly rubbish town and we cannot afford to move.

WWYD?

Well they are beneath contempt. I like the idea of staring without expression right through them.

Have you considered moving? Often our (my) first reaction is such a situation is the feeling ‘I won’t let them win!’ But really, life is too short. It’s about making a positive move for your own peace of mind.

I know life’s realities may prevent a move, if so please forgive me for bringing it up.

Take care

I had this kind of thing when I first moved to the village we Iive in, 'confronted' and told how I'd been reported because I'm clearly able to work and don't, because my curtains are closed all day and I'm in the garden in my dressing gown at all hours. How disgusting it was, how they pay for me and how I'd have to now get a job. We don't want your sort around here type of thing.

I worked permanent ft nights. My curtains were closed because I was sleeping and I was in my dressing gown because I was letting the dogs out for a pee and hanging washing out etc in my awake time because I slept best in 2 blocks when I worked nights and did house stuff when awake for a couple of hours.

I just shrugged and told them to crack on, I think they did report me because I got a small amount from tax credits and got a letter asking me to confirm my work details and income and send proof mid year which I'd never had before.

I've ignored them ever since, but it cut deep at the time. I'd advise just carrying on with what you do and ignoring them completely like they don't exist, they're not worth it.

It's why I'm so skeptical when people 'know' about a neighbour or similar committing benefit fraud because these neighbours 'knew' as well, in reality they saw half a story and made the rest up and behaved as if it were true.

This. They sound like horrible bullies who should mind their own business. They get off on trying to humiliate you and they are totally out of order. I'm sorry you are going through this. It must be very uncomfortable.

That’s awful, I’m sorry that you’ve experienced similar.

When it’s based on appearances and assumptions it’s really hurtful.

🤣 Now this is tempting as I love Christmas. Windows open and some Christmas songs on a loop in the middle of summer!

I'm sorry this happened, they sound like nasty, prejudiced bullies. Even if you didn't work, it wouldn't be a reason to lay into you, would it?

Either that or could they have children looking for property and are hoping to bully you out and pick up your place cheap?

Exactly, it’s a pretty disgusting attitude to have, like all prejudices.

Its horrible having to carry on living here knowing this is the way they think.

That’s terrible, I’m sorry you’ve experienced similar behaviour.

Its crazy how people can make such wild assumptions and then think it gives them the right to confront people. Especially when it doesn’t effect them in any way even if it were true.

Urgh this is not nice at all.
I once had a man and his wife go ape shit at me accusing me of taking stuff out of the food bank collection in waitrose. I actually was putting a huge amount of stuff in as I had just got my hefty bonus. I looked like shit as I also work from home, it was lunch time and I was wearing old clothes as had been for a walk in the woods.
Took great pleasure in explaining to him that J was putting stuff in, do reguarly and work in finance 😂and asked him when he kast put somrthing in, which he couodnt answer.
I can't stand judgey nosey people.

If there’s a little group of neighbours who get along, it might actually be you keeping yourselves to yourselves, that’s put their collective nose out of joint. It might have started with grumbling about you being stand offish. Then thinking you’re better than everyone else and listing all the reasons you aren’t till their work of fiction now has you on the dole. It’s as horrible as it is ridiculous.

I doubt standing up to them made much difference to them but at least now they will know you are ignoring them from contempt rather than stand offishness. Fuck them.

This sounds insane, best I can come up with is a lesson i learned when I was temping when the kids were young. Sometimes your face fits, sometimes it doesn't. Some jobs loved me to bits and offered me permanent. Others cold shouldered me and the bitchiness there almost buzzed from the front door.

May be wrong but fighting it never helps. In a house situation, enjoy your own space. In a work situation .... leave!

Why have you got to have anything to do with your neighbours? I've lived in my current rented house for ten years, and I've had a few dealings with immediate nextdoor because they are attached to my house and we only have a 5 foot high wall between the back garden so it would be hard not to acknowledge them when coming and going out there. Plus our houses are both owned by the same landlord. But I've literally never spoken to the people in the next house along, no idea who they are or anything. Beyond that in the street, no clue. I've made small talk with passers by now and then if I'm in the front garden and they stop to talk about plants or my cats out there, so I'm not just shunning everyone, but there's been no need to develop relationships or care what any of them think.

With the windows open as I’ve been working I’ve been able to hear them bitching about me in the street which has been quite unpleasant. It seems that the fact the neighbour yelled at me, insulted me and made false accusations has been completely ignored, and the only thing that is being focused on is me shouting back. I’ve heard the word “chav” several times!

Eh? It's still none of their business if there are bloody weeds between the paving slabs. You have no say in what your neighbours do or don't do with their house.

Don't even say "sorry".

If they ever bring it up or hint at it again, tell them that your house is to your taste.Like they expect you to Want hanging baskets and aspire towards outside lights and net curtains as they can’t imagine anyone being different from them, and therefore you will feel belittled by their remarks. I would say “I like my house plain and simple and neat and tidy, I maintain it to my taste not yours”

Your neighbours are cunts.
You've done nothing wrong OP.
Fuck them.

It doesn't matter the type of property or the area, there's always some with superiority complexes.

We live in an over 50’s development and trust me when I say most of the neighbours are worse than infant school children, I’ve never known anything like it in my life! What we’ve done is completely enclosed our garden with the highest fence I could get then put trellis above that. I’ve put a water feature in my garden so I can’t hear the idiots talking or arguing with each other and when I have to walk out to get in my car I completely ignore them as if they are not there. If you’ve got a water hose in your front garden I’d ‘acidentally’ spray them if you hear them talking about you. Or do what I did the other day spray resolve weed killer all over the place to get rid of weeds or better still a cup of salt, cup of vinegar and washing up liquid in a bottle will get rid of weeds and plants that may be straying from their gardens into yours. That will smarten the street up 😉. Please take no notice of them they are just playground bully’s !

They sound like real scumbags. Ignore them and rise above it.