Neighbour made me feel like shit

[BloodyHumans]

I’ve namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to my other posts.

The neighbours where we live are very much appearances focused. But not in a 5mm high grass/picket fence way, just in an endlessly changing things in a noticeable way. Each to their own.

We bought a doer upper, but life has pretty much thrown us every curve ball going and it’s meant our doer upper has become more of a money pit where there is no money for fancy things (and not much money for the other things since the pandemic/COLC). We are fine with that, it doesn’t bother us, we are just glad to have our own home and a roof over our heads.

Our neighbour however tore a strip off us on the street, basically accused us of being losers - hit everything from the way our house looks (it’s not bad, it’s painted externally, no mess or anything externally, it’s just not fancy and looks basic), accused us of being lazy, accused us of being unemployed and told us if we worked we’d be able to afford for it to look better (we Do work but WFH, but assumptions have been made), also it was implied it makes us shit parents and we should be ashamed (bear in mind the whole house works and is fully functional, just dated). What hurt was on a street where I thought we belonged, the neighbours who were outside agreed. We obviously reacted to all of these accusations (firmly setting them straight) and now the neighbour who tore a strip off us is playing the victim and all of the neighbours in our corner of the street are ignoring us and one even laughed in our face.

What the hell are we supposed to do? I now feel the judgement of everyone and feel embarrassed because it did make me angry, but at the same time I don’t understand it.

If there was something obvious like piled up rubbish or things externally falling apart or it looked dishevelled I would understand, but there really isn’t. It just purely doesn’t have the fancier features that others have like external lights, hanging baskets and little finishing touches. It just looks basic and dated compared to the others in the street.

They also said we need to be quieter, even though we are the type to be in bed by 10pm and the house is silent in the day because we WFH. They on the other hand are all quite inconsiderate. I feel embarrassed and completely gaslit and don’t feel comfortable in my own home and we have lived here 10 years. I feel embarrassed because I matched the anger, and hurt that they view us this way and probably always secretly have.

Bare in mind this is an average terraced street in a fairly rubbish town and we cannot afford to move.

WWYD?

Also if you have a car park outside their house I am confident this will drive them insane

Cunt Street! Had to laugh! 🤣
What a bunch of snobby arses!

Did you cut back trees? Our neighbour whose house isn’t attached to ours wet nuts because we cut trees down in our garden because they liked looking at them…. They no longer speak.

Stepford wives/neighbours is very much the vibe with them! Everything perfect.

so theyve ben inside prevuously and are now judging you and your home

I’m sorry, I’m trying to imagine how this happened and I just don’t understand - was this online? Did they all gather in front of your house bitching about it? I just can’t picture how this went down.

This in spades.

And hanging baskets are the naffest of naff in terms of gardening.

Their opinions should mean nothing to you. What you do with your house and garden is none of their business unless it's obstructing their access, disturbing them at unsocial hours or making a health hazard.

Ignore them. Look through them if you see them. Become deaf to anything they say. Disengage completely and they'll soon lay off because you aren't reacting. Remember neighbours are just people who happen to live on your street, you can live your life happily without having any interaction with them at all, you don't need to be friends or even speak to them.

unpleasant neighbours, we’ve all got them. At least they’ve shown thier real selves already. You have every right to be there. Stand your ground and don’t worry about anyone else. You know why your in the situation your in and you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
we’ve lived at my current house for 16 years, although we are friendly with most of them. There’s a posse of fakes that are nice to your face but talk about you behind your back. One of the women is so fake it reeps off of her. Especially when her dog hates everyone. Constantly running around, runs straight across the road barking at any dog that passes yet she makes out like your dog is the problem but in the nicest way she can. They also huddle up quite often having thier little chit chats which suddenly stop when you walk past. My point is you’ll get it wherever you go because a lot of people don’t like change.

Cheeky cunt. You let that mental neighbour speak for far longer than I would’ve.

My approach would be to pretend they were ghosts. No eye contact, no acknowledgment, ignore them if they say hello.

No parcels taken in under any circumstances.
No social engagement with them. No Christmas cards.

Got kids? Tell them to aim their ball at the neighbours window.

Got a dog? Tell it to aim its stream of piss on their garden.

Loud music late at night. Park inconsiderately. Power wash your slabs/drive and direct all the dirty water in their direction. Light a fire to burn your old paper/wood when they have a washing out. Maybe chuck in a benefit fraud report too.

Wait.. they all left their houses one day, at the same time, gathered around your house, and shouted insults at you. Did they have torches and pitchforks? How would this even have happened.

maybe they were talking outside? On our street a lot of people will stop and it ends up with people from a few houses talking

or they came out once they heard conversation. I had two neighbours come outside after they heard me having a very undignified overdue swearing match with a neighbour where I think telling him he was a fucking prick wasn’t the… highlight of my day (disclaimer 19 year parking war tipped me over the edge)

They sound like a street full of Hyacinth Bucket types without the class

I don’t understand how this happened either? Did they knock on your door to start shouting at you? What set it off?

I've never encountered bad neighbours in all my almost 66 years of life. My current neighbours are lovely, and I rent a fairly basic flat with weeds growing up the pathway.

As for what to do, I agree with the majority - ignore them completely, and just get on with your life, don't give them another thought. You certainly have no need to feel like shit, they all sound deranged.

If a neighbour had come up to me ranting like that they would have got both barrels from me btw, what idiots.

I am so sorry, OP. Your neighbours sound beyond awful, and tacky with it.

Could there be an element of simple, vile prejudice here: is there a same sex couple or racial minority in the household? Or someone with an obvious disability? Or an immigrant?

Perhaps it is just my own bias, but I associate the behaviour you are describing with prejudice against any sort of underdog.

They haven’t been inside, but we don’t have net curtains/blinds, just curtains (perhaps that’s a sin for them, I don’t know!), I can only assume they’ve been looking through my windows rather closely.

They were outside preening their front gardens.
It wasn’t a large group it was a neighbour and then another neighbour - both sets have picture perfect houses. The types who spend any spare minute doing something to their house.
Ive run into other neighbours since and they have been frosty 🤷🏻‍♀️.

When I replay the conversation in my head I think their biggest problem seemed to be they assumed we were unemployed and everything spiralled around that. They said all of the nasty stuff then threw in the accusation that we were unemployed.

I live in a terrace and one house is turned into 5 flats. Don't know how as its a 3 bed house. It is a short stay place and its not very spicey. Another neighbours house is a mess but I would never say anything to anyone. You just shut your front door to it all. No need to get rude about it unless it personally affects you, which none of these people do.

I live in a terrace and one house is turned into 5 flats. Don't know how as its a 3 bed house. It is a short stay place and its not very spicey. Another neighbours house is a mess but I would never say anything to anyone. You just shut your front door to it all. No need to get rude about it unless it personally affects you, which none of these people do.

Oops my phone is playing up.

When my marriage broke down I bought a repossessed house that needed lots of work . Ex was a builder and promised to do the work . He was soon too busy with the woman he left me for and he didn’t pay maintenance. Despite working 2 jobs I couldn’t afford anything other than basic house maintenance. My horrible neighbour was on my case a lot. She slagged me off to the other neighbours. When she wanted to retire to a bungalow she told me our house was the reason hers wasn’t selling ! When I met someone she reported me to the council for having someone living there . I didn’t get benefits , just council tax reduction, and he owned his own house, where he lived, so I wasn’t doing anything wrong . Eventually, after a couple of years, he did move in and surprisingly the bullying stopped . It was a horrible time though . Just ignore them if you can.

I’d put your Christmas decs up early. A giant inflatable snowman. A few light up reindeer. An inflatable hot tub , that kind of thing. Drag the sofa into the garden, get the tunes on. Maybe a wind chime or two.

Play the long game. Wait till Halloween and don your house and garden with lights and decorations. Leave no patch bare.

Leave them up all year.

That will piss them off.

I think the underdog thing is likely true. They assumed we were unemployed because we WFH. When we said we WFH, they sarcastically said “of course you do”.

Even if you were unemployed,what gives them the right to act this way? 😠