Neighbour made me feel like shit

[BloodyHumans]

I’ve namechanged for this as I don’t want it linked to my other posts.

The neighbours where we live are very much appearances focused. But not in a 5mm high grass/picket fence way, just in an endlessly changing things in a noticeable way. Each to their own.

We bought a doer upper, but life has pretty much thrown us every curve ball going and it’s meant our doer upper has become more of a money pit where there is no money for fancy things (and not much money for the other things since the pandemic/COLC). We are fine with that, it doesn’t bother us, we are just glad to have our own home and a roof over our heads.

Our neighbour however tore a strip off us on the street, basically accused us of being losers - hit everything from the way our house looks (it’s not bad, it’s painted externally, no mess or anything externally, it’s just not fancy and looks basic), accused us of being lazy, accused us of being unemployed and told us if we worked we’d be able to afford for it to look better (we Do work but WFH, but assumptions have been made), also it was implied it makes us shit parents and we should be ashamed (bear in mind the whole house works and is fully functional, just dated). What hurt was on a street where I thought we belonged, the neighbours who were outside agreed. We obviously reacted to all of these accusations (firmly setting them straight) and now the neighbour who tore a strip off us is playing the victim and all of the neighbours in our corner of the street are ignoring us and one even laughed in our face.

What the hell are we supposed to do? I now feel the judgement of everyone and feel embarrassed because it did make me angry, but at the same time I don’t understand it.

If there was something obvious like piled up rubbish or things externally falling apart or it looked dishevelled I would understand, but there really isn’t. It just purely doesn’t have the fancier features that others have like external lights, hanging baskets and little finishing touches. It just looks basic and dated compared to the others in the street.

They also said we need to be quieter, even though we are the type to be in bed by 10pm and the house is silent in the day because we WFH. They on the other hand are all quite inconsiderate. I feel embarrassed and completely gaslit and don’t feel comfortable in my own home and we have lived here 10 years. I feel embarrassed because I matched the anger, and hurt that they view us this way and probably always secretly have.

Bare in mind this is an average terraced street in a fairly rubbish town and we cannot afford to move.

WWYD?

I'd start putting the odd mattress and old sofa on the front garden. Give them something to gossip about. They are awful 😞

"Oh how bourgeois of you to care about such things, sweet really! We spend all our spare time on the dogs and the horses and our pile in Gloucestershire, so this is really just a bolt hole for us. I love that you care so much about your little house though. Sweet!"

You’re meant to buy the worst house on the best street; unfortunately you have bought your house on Cunt Street.

We’re in the same position as you, we have the fixer-upper we can’t fix up. Our neighbours, thankfully, are a delightful bunch who couldn’t care less that we don’t have the porch lights/original front door/smart hedge they all have. No advice I’m afraid except I hope you get lucky and can DIY as you WFH, sell for a profit, and move away from the twats.

Agree. I’m also struggling to see how the outside of a house looks “basic”. Is this code for something else?

There really isn’t, nothing has changed at all. That’s why it’s so weird. It’s like it’s been festering with them but nothing at all has changed. If anything we recently cut some bits back In our garden ready for summer 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s horrendous behaviour then on their part! But it is a ‘their’ problem, not yours and you shouldn’t feel bad for yelling back - its great in hindsight to wish you’d handled things differently but put on the spot and verbally attacked like that, most people would shout back.

You are probably going to fantasise about trashing their oh-so-perfect garden. I quite fancy doing that with my neighbour's car sometimes... (he is the hard work one who likes to make everybody miserable).

Are they friends with these other neighbours, or are they effectively the ones who intimidate everyone and run the street? It sounds very childish for the other neighbours to turn against you, but perhaps they're in fear of the intimidating neighbour turning on them.

Houses are like huge, on-going projects. DIY items are expensive, and when you work full-time, it's hard to fit in doing the DIY in addition to keeping on top of everything else. As long as your garden isn't overgrown and invading theirs, I think that they should be grateful! (I'd send my NDN; I've butchered the overflow into my garden every year. It usually involves dumpy bags...). I do like the topiary suggestion on page 1, though.

A lot of people misunderstand and, quite frankly, are snobbish about WFH. It is often viewed as "not having a proper job" (been there, done that).

Don't feel guilty about answering back. That's let them know that they can't walk all over you. Stay strong, OP!

What on earth brought them to shout at you in the street? Extraordinary behaviour! Going forward, I think you should ignore them. Do what you want with your house, you don’t have to be all Stepford wives and assuming you don’t live under housing association rules (like some of the crazy rules in the US ones) then I’d get those massive gnomes from Asda and really wind the fuckers up.

Why would you stand there and listen to it?!

After the first accusatory sentence you raise your hand and say you aren’t going to listen to their nonsense and walk away

Why get into a slinging match?

We don’t go outside in the morning until it’s time to leave, we are up for the school runs etc, but so are the neighbours.

No, there is no peeling paint at all, there have been a few weeds recently but we sorted them out when we sorted the garden recently.

Nothing at all about our lifestyle has changed. We aren’t in-your-face kind of people or anything.

I need the laugh emoji for this 😂.

They would probably lose their minds if we did that!

How dare they? Judgmental gits

You have a modern day Hyacinth Bucket. 😁

A hard stare, down to their toes and back up again. A look of total distaste.... Then walk away.

Then ignore them.

I’m wondering if there’s another side you are not disclosing here.

No nothing at all like that!
Thats the thing really, we pretty much keep ourselves to ourselves. There’s nothing wild going on, just living an average (boring) life. We don’t even drink alcohol or smoke.

That’s why I feel so taken aback by it all and I feel quite gaslit.

Next time you see any of them, suggest you have decided to rent it to students…….say you’ve been informed the house could accommodate 6-8…..

That’s why I included the information that it’s a row of terraced houses, because it puzzles me too. Underneath all of the bling, it’s the same average house as ours. I’m starting to wonder if our house reminds them it’s just an ordinary area and they are trying to kid themselves it isn’t!

They have a massive chip on their shoulder and need to get a life.

Honestly you should be very proud of yourself for standing up to them. How dare they try to dictate how you live?

I can't imagine having more than 20 seconds conversation with someone who thought hanging baskets and fancy decorations on the outside of a house was actually important. I would rather poke myself in the eye with a fork. Do it if you like, or don't, who cares?

You do not owe them a justification or anything more than your laughter and pity. Absolute losers and petty bullies, the lot of them.

I’ve asked myself the same thing over and over again. I wish I had walked away. I keep replaying it in my head and feel frustrated with myself that I bit.

I’m sorry you have a bunch of twats for neighbours.

If there is, I’m unaware of it. We just get on with our day, nothing out of the ordinary and nothing at all has changed. No loud music or any of the stereotypes that might annoy neighbours.

😂 I like this, but I don’t really want to speak to them again to try it out!

Thank you for this.

I’m mad at myself for reacting though, but I agree that they are petty bullies!

They sound like Stepford neighbours and utterly insane. Do you need to have any contact with them? I would just ignore them from now onwards.

I'd go out of my way to Bring The Tone Down as hard as I could after that. Borrow some old cars to rest on the lawn with the wheels off. Take the bin out in my mankiest pyjamas. They can get fuuuuucked.