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Original poster

Baby won’t be put down - feeling desperate

61 replies

Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 15:50

Posting here as I didn’t get a response in Parenting.

My baby is 6 months old. She will be put down for a few minutes on a mat or bouncer but will start fussing and then crying if left any longer. She will only sleep on me after a breastfeed. If I try to move her at she wakes up. If I move or sneeze she wakes up. On the occasion that I am able to move her so I can move away she wakes after a few minutes. She’s only settled in a carrier.

I’m just feeling a bit desperate, I can’t carry her all day. I also have an older child who needs looking after. I find day after day I am chained to the sofa or bed, or carrying her and not able to do anything. I expected this with a newborn but not at 6 months. My older one one was not this hard, I could put them down anywhere and get on with things. My husband has stepped up with cooking, but we are eating a lot of ready meals too. The house is a terrible mess and makes me feel worse.

This isn’t normal is it? I expected the baby wouldn’t want me to be out of sight but I didn’t think she would need me to hold her all day. I think it’s a mixture of teething, tiredness (from waking up from naps too early) and also anxiety when I’m not holding her.

OP posts:
AuntieAunt · 07/07/2025 15:55

Have you got a carrier you can wear?

DD was similar to this. She was fine as long as she could see me - I’d put her in a little seat on the kitchen counter while I did jobs. Plonk her in it while I had a shower etc.

Also how long has she been like this? If you feel like she’s getting worse it could be down to teething? DD hated being put down when she was feeling even slightly ill.

ShiverMeLogs · 07/07/2025 15:58

I'd just have her in a carrier, then you can do what you want and what suits older DC. Not sure why you would be chained to the sofa or bed if she's happy in the carrier.

Ilovemychocolate · 07/07/2025 15:59

At 6 months she will know that if she cries you will pick her up.
You need to start putting her down for a few minutes at a time, make sure she can still see you, then gradually increase the time.
Otherwise you will really struggle to get her out of the habit.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep
Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 16:12

I wrote in my OP that I can’t wear her in a carrier all day. I can do maybe 40mins and then I need to put her down as my back hurts too much. And with her in a carrier I can’t do a huge amount as I’m quite short. Picking stuff off the floor is hard, doing dishes, cooking is much harder. And she’s settled a a bit but not always. She squirming and angry in the carrier right now while I’m trying to cook tea for my older child. I’m going to have to stop so I can take her out and I don’t know what to do with her.

She was easier as a newborn! It got worse at 4 months - probably teething - but nothing is working.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 16:15

I just feel like everything is suffering because I need to hold her all the time. I’ve given my older child a piece of fruit but they’ll want something more substantial soon.

OP posts:
LowDownBoyStandUpGuy · 07/07/2025 16:16

I had one of these OP and it didn’t get better until she could walk and then she never wanted to be carried just to bolt everywhere all the time. Sorry I wish I had advice but I didn’t find anything that worked, hopefully someone has some good ideas.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 07/07/2025 16:16

She squirming and angry in the carrier right now while I’m trying to cook tea for my older child. I’m going to have to stop so I can take her out and I don’t know what to do with her.

There is no need to prioritise the baby over your older DC, which is what you are doing if you let the baby stop you cooking older DC's meal.
The baby is ruling the household if the rest of you are resorting to ready meals - that is not fair.

Put the baby down. Let her squirm and get angry. It won't do her any harm to scream for a few minutes.
Don't mistake your distress at her screaming for her actually being in distress.

Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 16:17

I do put her down, for tummy time and toys etc but if it’s more than a few minutes she rolls over and gets upset until I pick her up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 16:18

EuclidianGeometryFan · 07/07/2025 16:16

She squirming and angry in the carrier right now while I’m trying to cook tea for my older child. I’m going to have to stop so I can take her out and I don’t know what to do with her.

There is no need to prioritise the baby over your older DC, which is what you are doing if you let the baby stop you cooking older DC's meal.
The baby is ruling the household if the rest of you are resorting to ready meals - that is not fair.

Put the baby down. Let her squirm and get angry. It won't do her any harm to scream for a few minutes.
Don't mistake your distress at her screaming for her actually being in distress.

The thing is my older child is ND, so her distress causes distress in my older child. (They can’t wear ear defenders either.)

OP posts:
EuclidianGeometryFan · 07/07/2025 16:19

So let her get upset.
Let her cry for a while.
Train her to be more independent, just like you would sleep train a child.

As I said, don't mistake your distress at hearing her cry for her actually being in distress.

EuclidianGeometryFan · 07/07/2025 16:21

Can older DC go out into a garden or upstairs to their room? Have they got a TV in their room that they can watch with the volume turned up?
Their choice is to wear ear defenders, or find some other way of tolerating the crying.
You can't magically fix everything for both of them.

Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 16:54

EuclidianGeometryFan · 07/07/2025 16:21

Can older DC go out into a garden or upstairs to their room? Have they got a TV in their room that they can watch with the volume turned up?
Their choice is to wear ear defenders, or find some other way of tolerating the crying.
You can't magically fix everything for both of them.

Our walls and floors are ridiculously penetrable to sound - even outside in the garden you can hear the baby crying like it’s next to you.

You’re right I can’t fix everything for both of them, but I feel terrible unable to comfort my baby and also causing pain to my older child.

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 07/07/2025 17:09

Your darling baby is ruling the roost and it's down to you to stop it. Put her somewhere safe (invest in a playpen if you think it's necessary) and then ignore her while you do what needs doing. Keep her in sight (for your peace of mind as much as anything) and then go back to her. Harden your heart to the crying as life sounds pretty grim for the rest of you atm - would having thr radio on help/distract her? Be strong 💐

AuntieAunt · 07/07/2025 17:37

Could your older DC hold the baby while you cook?

I’ve got sympathy as my DD was the same (she’s now nearly two). She got a lot better when she could crawl, then walk.

it’s not a miracle cure but I remember the day I decided I had enough and went out and bought a fisher price keyboard/matt thingy (this is the old type, somebody will be selling it local to you for a tenner!)

It would keep her happy for a good twenty minutes. I still had to chat to her whilst I did the cooking etc but it was the only thing she really liked apart from being held by me.

Baby won’t be put down - feeling desperate
Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 17:57

AuntieAunt · 07/07/2025 17:37

Could your older DC hold the baby while you cook?

I’ve got sympathy as my DD was the same (she’s now nearly two). She got a lot better when she could crawl, then walk.

it’s not a miracle cure but I remember the day I decided I had enough and went out and bought a fisher price keyboard/matt thingy (this is the old type, somebody will be selling it local to you for a tenner!)

It would keep her happy for a good twenty minutes. I still had to chat to her whilst I did the cooking etc but it was the only thing she really liked apart from being held by me.

Thanks, I’ve actually been thinking about this type of toy!

My older child is too young to manage the baby - they can occupy them for a few minutes but definitely can’t hold them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mammamia16373 · 07/07/2025 20:27

I just keep looking at the mess around me and I feel panicky.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 07/07/2025 20:31

My first DC was like this, she would not be put down and had to be entertained at all times, was not happy to be left even for a few minutes. Naps were on me always. It only got better when she went to nursery at 10 months old. Even now at age 5 she likes a lot of attention and doesn’t like to play alone.

StellaShining · 07/07/2025 20:39

DC2 was the same and I ended up putting him in nursery one day a week to give myself a break and time to catch up. He was much better after this and and soon as he started crawling he could occupy himself more as well. Is nursery an option for you?

onehorserace · 07/07/2025 20:41

Maybe she is hungry ?

Herewegoagain8 · 07/07/2025 20:42

I’ve got one of these at the moment. A bit younger though so to be expected. I agree it’s not practical to keep them in a carrier all the time, it’s harder to do all the bending down etc that other small DC need from you. I have two other children, one of whom still needs help with the potty etc. I have to get them all out on the school run on a morning so I simply have to put her down to take care of the other kids and get them out on time.

It’s distressing to us to hear them cry I know but needs must sometimes. My eldest will help try and distract her by showing her a toy and talking to her - could your other DC do that maybe.

Just keep putting her in a safe place, jumparoo, play pen, chair etc when you need to get things done. Build her up to getting used to it and go to her when you can but don’t beat yourself up. Holding her all the time isn’t sustainable with other kids and hopefully she’ll be a bit happier about when she’s mobile.

HateThese4Leggedbeasts · 07/07/2025 20:56

My youngest was like this. She still likes a cuddle now at 6!
It got easier when she could properly sit up unaided around 6.5/7 months so you are close to that. She would then happily empty boxes of toys, trinkets or anything really even plastic tupperware to entertain herself. I have pictures of her sitting in a plastic laundry basket propped up with a cushion when she was still a bit wobbly so she could interact with toys.

When you are tired and stressed being surrounded by mess can bring you down. However maybe you can retrain your thinking a little to try and not let any internal pressure to get things tidy overwhelm you . Having 2 little ones is a lot and you are only human. You sound like you are doing a good job.

JaneEyre40 · 07/07/2025 20:58

Ilovemychocolate · 07/07/2025 15:59

At 6 months she will know that if she cries you will pick her up.
You need to start putting her down for a few minutes at a time, make sure she can still see you, then gradually increase the time.
Otherwise you will really struggle to get her out of the habit.

This is what I was about to suggest. I feel for you OP, I thought it was hard enough with a 5 month old who hates being picked up!

JaneEyre40 · 07/07/2025 21:01

AuntieAunt · 07/07/2025 17:37

Could your older DC hold the baby while you cook?

I’ve got sympathy as my DD was the same (she’s now nearly two). She got a lot better when she could crawl, then walk.

it’s not a miracle cure but I remember the day I decided I had enough and went out and bought a fisher price keyboard/matt thingy (this is the old type, somebody will be selling it local to you for a tenner!)

It would keep her happy for a good twenty minutes. I still had to chat to her whilst I did the cooking etc but it was the only thing she really liked apart from being held by me.

We have a similar one from Amazon for about 20 quid. Have a look.

Oaktre878 · 07/07/2025 21:05

Some people slate them but my first was as you described and a jumperoo worked wonders

BananaPalm · 07/07/2025 21:15

Ilovemychocolate · 07/07/2025 15:59

At 6 months she will know that if she cries you will pick her up.
You need to start putting her down for a few minutes at a time, make sure she can still see you, then gradually increase the time.
Otherwise you will really struggle to get her out of the habit.

Wholeheartedly second this! A lovely HV saved us by giving us precisely this advice as it got to the point I couldn’t put my son down even for a few minutes. It took a week or two but he got much better and would be super happy on a mat.