Baby won’t be put down - feeling desperate

[Mammamia16373]

Posting here as I didn’t get a response in Parenting.

My baby is 6 months old. She will be put down for a few minutes on a mat or bouncer but will start fussing and then crying if left any longer. She will only sleep on me after a breastfeed. If I try to move her at she wakes up. If I move or sneeze she wakes up. On the occasion that I am able to move her so I can move away she wakes after a few minutes. She’s only settled in a carrier.

I’m just feeling a bit desperate, I can’t carry her all day. I also have an older child who needs looking after. I find day after day I am chained to the sofa or bed, or carrying her and not able to do anything. I expected this with a newborn but not at 6 months. My older one one was not this hard, I could put them down anywhere and get on with things. My husband has stepped up with cooking, but we are eating a lot of ready meals too. The house is a terrible mess and makes me feel worse.

This isn’t normal is it? I expected the baby wouldn’t want me to be out of sight but I didn’t think she would need me to hold her all day. I think it’s a mixture of teething, tiredness (from waking up from naps too early) and also anxiety when I’m not holding her.

Mine was exactly the same. I sat on the sofa holding them for ages! It was like being held hostage by a cute, tiny baby. If I even breathed slightly louder than normal, they woke up!

Developed a technique to hold them but lie down sideways on the sofa/ bed, then when they are in the first phase of a deep sleep (usually first 20 minutes), gently let them go so they continue to lie on the sofa. It became quite a skill. You have to get the timing right as you can't let go too late otherwise they wake up. You also can't let go too quickly, otherwise they wake up.

Reading the above, I sound mad, but it worked! It does get better (I promise!)

get/use a carrier that you can put on your back (watch 100 YouTube videos and practise, I promise it’s easy to crack after a bit)

crack on with whatever you can do while she’s on your back. Basic tidying, moving stuff around the house, cooking, sometimes I’d just walk around and dance. Headphones in and music or podcast on. Hoovering is quite good while they’re on your back.

Remember, it’s only going to be temporary. trust me, I’ve been there twice. It’ll last about two weeks and it’ll either be teething, sleep related or brain development related. It won’t be forever. I find it only ever last two weeks and then they become less clingy. It might ramp up again around 9 months.

annnnnnnnd if you have any baby weight to lose, an added bonus for me is that I lost several lbs doing this without meaning to, while eating a lot of cake.

batch cook to get over the ready meal guilt. Look for dump bag recipes for the oven/ninja/slow cooker. Anything quick that you can shove in with baby on your back!

If your back is hurting, your position is wrong or your carrier isn’t ergonomic. I’m a size 16 and very unhealthy and I can do 2-3 hours with my carrier. (So it’s not like I’m super fit!!) Can I recommend going to a sling library for a fit check, or to rent a different carrier to see if it’s better for your back?

When i had baby DD2 and an already super active DD1 I made sure I had somewhere in every room to put the baby. That meant we had more than one bouncy chair. I also bought a high chair second hand for 6 month olds for the kitchen which she sat in when I was cooking.

You need to start putting her down and dealing with any crying. If she can see you it will help so I'd focus on having baby stations as I did!

Many of us have suggested that it's down to you to break this habit that is disrupting your family but you haven't come back with any thoughts. Interesting.

@Mammamia16373i haven’t rtft, but I would try a different type of carrier. I was able to carry mine for much much longer than that, and I have back problems. Maybe try to find a sling library or someone who can advise you in person how you are wearing the carrier. 40 mins is not long at all

My daughter was the same so ended up practicing attachment parenting practices. I ended up finding a really good carrier by Connecta. It was really comfy. There are a few baby wearing groups and there was a local baby wearing charity near to me that helped find the right carrier and you could actually borrow them from a sling library. Some of the carriers you get from mainstream shops are awful, structured and not really comfortable for baby or mother.
My daughter is now 11, extremely confident!

Also worth looking at the Wonder Weeks book or app

I’m so sorry things are tough!

Agree it would be worth looking at a different carrier and/or fit - I can wear my (large) 8 month old for hours and I’m not fit or strong 😂 DP does the cooking / food prep thankfully. I can hoover and sweep up wearing baby. House just isn’t super clean and tidy 😂 What about a floor bed where you could roll away?

Can’t believe PPs telling you baby crying isn’t distress - what do they think it is then?? Just being a pain in the bum? Deliberate manipulation to get you to do what they want?

A 6 month old genuinely doesn’t have the mental ability to manipulate anyone - think about what that looks like psychologically and it’s clear it’s light years beyond them 😂

Does it have to be you? Or will she be comforted/entertained by someone else? If so try and get friends/relatives round for a coffee and do jobs while they're there.

Have you tried a back carrier? Like a clip one you can wear back or front? I loved my mai tai clip one I think it was called. Is it worth going to a baby wearing consultant to try and find one that works better for you?

Finally, how's weaning going? Hopefully soon you can pop her in a high chair and chuck some cucumber sticks or breadsticks her way

I just don’t think anything prepares you for the jump from 1 to 2. I knew it was going to be hard but I honestly pretty much hated maternity leave second time round and that was with my 4 year old still going to nursery 3x a week! Evenings were the hardest trying to do the dinner juggle. It’s like second comes out primed to fight for your attention and I had a similar issue with my eldest being very noise sensitive.

I’d echo what others have said - mine got much better when she could sit unaided. She’d get plonked on the kitchen counter in a bumbo (obviously within arms reach) or id stick her in her baby bjorn (the only bouncy chair either of mine liked) and stick the bubble machine on - which turned the kitchen floor into a death trap but I figured it was worth the risk! When sitting independently she cared not a jot for posh toys so I bought loads of tat from Wilko that she’d love to play with (little plastic mirrors, sponges, nail brushes, anything shiny and jingly). The Happy Song (google it) also worked 100% of the time and still haunts my fucking dreams (she’s now nearly 4).

i can’t see if you’ve said the age of your eldest and if they’re verbal? We’ve had to work with mine to hold his ground as little one still likes to rule the roost. That means standing his ground if she screams as a way of making him buggar off so she can have mama to herself. He understands why he needs to do it and that helps him tolerate the awfulness. He also prefers in ear defenders rather than the big can ones. Loops and flares are good options depending on age. Do yourself a favour and buy yourself some too! Definitely reduces the overstimulation.

Also just one thing to watch, my second being born led to my dramatic unmasking and subsequent adhd diagnosis and on the basis it’s genetic it’s just something to keep an eye on. There is light at they’d of the tunnel though, I survived! We now sleep and occasionally even tidy the house. I still lose my shizz on the regular, but we’re all coping lots better. You can and will do this mama, just try as much as is possible to get away by yourself, even if it’s only for an early morning coffee at the weekend. This stage is BRUTAL and you need time to recharge because you’re no good to anyone burnt out xx