Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I am so sick of my job. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE HATE it

54 replies

StonePaperScissors · 04/07/2025 19:11

I work in a caring role in a private capacity for a family. Originally my hours were Monday to Friday and I was usually flexible with them. However over time they came to want more and more from me. Some of the incidents were unreal but I tolerated so much.

Tomorrow is Saturday and it was supposed to be a day off so I made plans months ago thinking it was a day off. I booked a hair appointment months ago for tomorrow.

There was a death in the family and they want me to become live in for the weekend to provide care. I told them that I have an appointment and I can't cancel now or I will still have e to pay for the service. I will have to work around the time.

However this isn't the first time that I had to give up my life to do this kind of work and to do more hours.

I am just so so so so so sick of this.

Normally I would be able to do this and it would be ok however I have my own family stuff going on and there are things that are not easily and I wanted was a bottle of wine. How hard is that?

I am just hating this so much. It's the first time I was expected just to press delete on my own plans just to accommodate them

I know there is exceptional circumstances this week however there has been other times and a lot of time it's accommodate the family who wants an extremely healthy social and recreational life away from their disabled family member.

I just hate this. Any other job and I would be allowed to clock out and have my own time. My time is hardly ever my own any more.

The past three weekends was all work too on top of Monday to Friday work. The only time I had a day off was when I was ill.

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 04/07/2025 19:14

Either explain that you'd like to stick to your contracted hours or start looking for a different job.

Motnight · 04/07/2025 19:16

Why don't you feel able to just say no, Op?

Theonewhogotthecake · 04/07/2025 19:17

Motnight · 04/07/2025 19:16

Why don't you feel able to just say no, Op?

This

wafflesmgee · 04/07/2025 19:17

Just. Say. NO.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 04/07/2025 19:19

Just say no because you are busy. Stop going in when you don’t want to

FadedRed · 04/07/2025 19:19

Doesn’t this contravene the EWTD, if it’s over 48hours per week, including overtime, or 14 days without a day off? Unless you and your employers have decided to opt-out and completed the documentation required for this?

Justmuddlingalong · 04/07/2025 19:23

Stick to your contracted hours while looking for another job.
Don't change your plans for tomorrow, you are an employee, with your own life. Stop being so accommodating, because they're taking advantage of it.

Topseyt123 · 04/07/2025 19:23

You need to say NO to them much more
It sounds like they are taking the piss.

MabelsBeats · 04/07/2025 19:26

Are you a nanny?

theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 04/07/2025 19:27

You gotta really hold your boundaries when you’re working for other people like that.

I hated this type of work I have to say. Do you have other skills? Do you want to think about moving?

Seawolves · 04/07/2025 19:30

Say no. It's OK to say no. You have done your hours for this week. I have been in your shoes, working in a caring capacity within a family home and I know it's hard but you need to set boundaries and look after yourself too.

Zempy · 04/07/2025 19:30

I don’t understand. Why aren’t you just saying no, you aren’t available?

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 04/07/2025 19:32

It's caring for someone with dementia I bet.

Rainbowpeppercorn · 04/07/2025 19:40

I hear you. Until November last year I was a PA for a disabled client.

I worked for the family for 6 years. Initially the person I worked for lived at home with their parents and then moved to live independently but the parents still had a huge input in their lives. Over time they put more and more pressure on me and as I am a people pleaser I never once said no until I came to the conclusion they were really taking advantage of me.

Unfortunately I ended up leaving on bad terms simply because I did not say no enough and when I eventually did they were not happy.

Working closely with people as carers and PA's do is tricky at times, it's so easy for them to cross lines, take advantage and start to treat you as family to put upon rather than paid employees. Boundaries do need to be set in place.

Please start saying No more often. You'll thank yourself for it.

Soonenough · 04/07/2025 19:45

Not a good enough reason . You are entitled to take your time off. Similar situation but on the other side . So Carer not available, someone has to stay with disabled person. I often had to stay or miss something if my fathers' Care was unavailable. Doesn't matter if you are live in . Do they often pressure you to stay around after your hours . Not nice to guilt trip you . Give notice and get out for a job that will appreciate you.

thebigyearahead · 04/07/2025 19:51

You need to say no firmly. Start with standing your ground this weekend and don’t do the extra hours.
And I think you need to start looking for another role, as this sounds like it’s gone past the point of no return

Richiewoo · 04/07/2025 20:03

Look for another job. Nobody is keeping you there

Original poster
StonePaperScissors · 04/07/2025 23:23

I won't be talking about the impairment because that's not the issue. The issue is a couple having me work within their home and they are wanting more and more and more of me. Even declining them and I get them sulking. They won't spend one evening with their person.

Another issue is that I am faced with my own issues at home and my own stresses and intensity.

It's been a long and bad week and I was looking forward to my day off tomorrow. The first day off in weeks that is now literally being p1ssed on. I am just about allowed a break to get my hair appointment in.

What sort of a life is this? It's not a life and it's abusive from them. Nearly working 7 days a week and come next week they will likely find something else to try and grab my time some more.

I was hoping on escaping into town tomorrow and sitting down with a book and a glass of wine either side of my hair appointment but that's not allowed. I hate it.

OP posts:
TheCurious0range · 04/07/2025 23:31

It's weird you say not allowed, you just say no I can't do overtime this week I have plans.

Leaningcactus · 04/07/2025 23:31

There's no point staying in this job. They have no empathy and will bleed you dry. Start looking for something else. People like this just take, take, take.

Original poster
StonePaperScissors · 04/07/2025 23:34

TheCurious0range · 04/07/2025 23:31

It's weird you say not allowed, you just say no I can't do overtime this week I have plans.

I did say no for this weekend. I got sulked at down the phone and got an angry tone as if they were owed me to work again.

OP posts:
Gazelda · 04/07/2025 23:38

I sympathise OP. It sounds an awful working environment.

But actually, they’ve not pissed up your day tomorrow. They’ve not abused you. They’ve not made you do anything. They’ve asked, pressured and guilted - but you could and should have said no.

you’ve allowed them to corner you into this position. To wear you down so much that it’s easier to forgo your own plans and life for the sake of keeping them happy.

it’s up to you to prioritise yourself now. You know that they’re not going to. You also know they’re not grateful. The only person who can change this dynamic is you. Either start saying no, or make plans to leave. Personally, I’d do the latter. You deserve to be respected and valued.

putitovertherefornow · 05/07/2025 00:00

They are taking the piss and you need to stick up for your rights here. You are not a servant. Say no and mean it. They cannot force you to work on your scheduled day off at the weekend when you already have other plans.

Don't worry about annoying them, because the penny will soon drop that they need you far more than you need them, and that you would be able to find another job far more easily than they could find someone to replace you.

3luckystars · 05/07/2025 00:03

StonePaperScissors · 04/07/2025 23:34

I did say no for this weekend. I got sulked at down the phone and got an angry tone as if they were owed me to work again.

Show quote history

And?

They need you more than you need them, let them sulk. Say no. You can do it!!

Flupflup · 05/07/2025 00:05

How much are you being paid to be their dogsbody? Hope it’s mega bucks for this kind of behaviour!