I am so sick of my job. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE HATE it

[StonePaperScissors]

I work in a caring role in a private capacity for a family. Originally my hours were Monday to Friday and I was usually flexible with them. However over time they came to want more and more from me. Some of the incidents were unreal but I tolerated so much.

Tomorrow is Saturday and it was supposed to be a day off so I made plans months ago thinking it was a day off. I booked a hair appointment months ago for tomorrow.

There was a death in the family and they want me to become live in for the weekend to provide care. I told them that I have an appointment and I can't cancel now or I will still have e to pay for the service. I will have to work around the time.

However this isn't the first time that I had to give up my life to do this kind of work and to do more hours.

I am just so so so so so sick of this.

Normally I would be able to do this and it would be ok however I have my own family stuff going on and there are things that are not easily and I wanted was a bottle of wine. How hard is that?

I am just hating this so much. It's the first time I was expected just to press delete on my own plans just to accommodate them

I know there is exceptional circumstances this week however there has been other times and a lot of time it's accommodate the family who wants an extremely healthy social and recreational life away from their disabled family member.

I just hate this. Any other job and I would be allowed to clock out and have my own time. My time is hardly ever my own any more.

The past three weekends was all work too on top of Monday to Friday work. The only time I had a day off was when I was ill.

Ok, so you've told them no, so now you can enjoy your day off tomorrow as planned.

You can spend your other day off on Sunday applying for new jobs, for this is no way to live.

You have posted about this job before, haven’t you? The details and your writing are all very familiar. You have been advised so many times to find another job and you never respond to either that suggestion or to people asking why on earth you don’t set boundaries with these people. So what if they sulk when you say no? As someone mentioned above, they obviously need you more than you need them. Please can you explain why you don’t set boundaries with them?

So what? Let them sulk.

Either you are a martyr, or there’s a whole load of therapy required to pick apart why you are such a chronic people pleaser.

Most people really wouldn’t care if their boss was cross at them for refusing to do overtime. You appear to have really poor boundaries.

Definitely find another job, as you know this family won't change. They know they can always guilt trip you into saying yes. I have a much less stressful job but at the beginning was always saying yes to overtime. These days I only say yes if it suits me. I've learnt to say NO. Thankfully boss is OK with that. Do you get the statutory amount of holidays with this job? I'd be taking a week off. Sounds like you need it.

As other pp’s have said you can say no. Do they pay you overtime or weekend rates when working weekends?. I would start looking for another job asap. Care jobs are available all the time there is no shortage

You can and do need to no. They need to employ 2 or 3 carers.

Tell them this is the last weekend you will work and mean it.

Get a new job, sure, but even then you need to work on assertiveness and self worth, otherwise it will keep happening. Your employers can sulk all they like, the most important person in your life should still be you and your family.

Toxic work environment, they are pushing your boundaries and you are unable to say no. Plan- apply for other jobs, agree the start date and give notice at your current job. If you stay , you are literally paying with your health- no money worth it. You are allowed to assert yourself. Your employer has been very selfish and abusive

@StonePaperScissors This isn’t healthy, surely they know you need time to recharge especially as a carer. What’s the barrier to you saying no, that they sulk?

You need to get better at ignoring or addressing their sulking and being moody. You can’t change them, but you can change the way you react to their requests.

You will have an easier time finding a job in care than they will have finding someone else to fill and learn your role. They need you more than you need them. Next time you get a request, you say no, you are not available to work extra at that time and you repeat it until it sinks in. When they sulk, tell them you will not be treated badly for wanting a work/life balance or for sticking to other commitments.

Your boundary is yours to set, because if you don’t they will set it for you, which as you have found, doesn’t work well for you.

OP, are they paying you for all of these extra hours? At overtime/antisocial hours rates?

It isn’t hard to find care work - you will be able to walk into another job that has much more reasonable conditions than this.

I don't really understand the problem, you have allowed yourself to do more and more without saying no and sticking to your contract. You have agreed to do these things. This is a you problem. You need to say no. That being said the sound like poor employers but you have allowed them to push boundaries and you have the power to change it by saying no, I can only work my agreed hours or by finding another job.

But you don’t have to give in to this manipulation- the choice is yours.

OP you need to grow a backbone and just say "no".

Why on earth are you letting it go on like this... just stick to your set hours in your contract and they can find someone else for the extra hours if they need to.

You're letting them do this to you.

You will easily find another job - there's a staffing crisis in the care sector, you need to set your own terms for your nect job.

You need to leave this one asap. You're an employee, not a family member, and you can't take on all responsibility for the person you're caring for.

I hate my job, I've been unsuccessfully looking for a new one, but my role is quite niche, and I'm in my 50s so no luck so far. You can change jobs really easily, so do it - I wish I could!

Get a grip OP and start saying no. They sulk? So fucking what.

Contracts often include an opt out clause

Clearly you need to look for another role and resign. They’re being unprofessional in the extreme and are treating you like an indentured servant from the 20s, not a member of staff.

They basically need a team of carers for unpredictable hours so would be better with an agency who can slot in people upon request.

Enjoy your day in town and start looking for work!

OP they want more break and support and when they ask and demand you acquiesce.

You need to learn to say no.
They obviously value you , ask for a meeting say it can't go on and you must go back to normal working hours. You need x notice and they must accept you say no if they want extra and it's paid Three times rate

End of.

What is this job? What are the terms & conditions? Is it a formal arrangement or otherwise?

Look for another job as soon as you can.

They sound neglectful of their family member. Is their any social care involved?

The only person who will advocate for you in life is YOU. Decide where your boundaries are and reinforce them. Say "I'm very sorry but I have a prior commitment." If they ask what it is, say "it's personal." Good luck :)

Are they your family - no
do you ultimately have a responsibility to them beyond your contract - no
can you leave - yes
can you get more care work - yes

you need to decide then how much of this is you feeding some other need by being most-dutiful-employee ever. Ultimately, you can be let go at any point. You’d be better served building a life and purpose away from this role.

Either sit employers down and reiterate your contract and your expected hours or get another job. I suspect you can walk into another one given state of the care sector and with your experience. Stop languishing and make the change.

Who cares?
Work for someone who appreciates you.

Are you self employed OP? Or work for a company? Either way you sound exhausted. No is a complete sentence and sadly there are some people who will take the piss. They have demonstrated little care for your well-being so this needs to come from you.

Personally I would work what you've said you would and then it's time for a sit down with a reset of your work requirements. Within this you can stipulate you're absolute no’s.

Having these conversations can be hard but is a must if you are to regain some control over your work life balance.

I know these types of roles come emotionally fuelled but this is why boundaries are so vital. It may also be a good idea to stipulate you will only answer the phone to them at set times - do you have a separate phone for work? You can use an old handset and just pay using top up - it will help separate work from personal.