Do you ever get crushes as a married woman?

[bipbopdo]

I have a big crush on my physiotherapist and it’s all very embarrassing. It’s like being a teenager again. I feel ridiculous.

Just on my hubby from the day I met him to years on nobody is a patch on him ☺️

This is the thing! I adore my DH. He’s honestly the perfect man for me. That’s why I’m so surprised about this crush

"Crushes" is such a cringeworthy expression and something I associate with adolescents.

If you have strong attraction to another man then I would question the state of your marriage.
Or don't you take your marriage vows seriously?

Perfectly natural. It'll pass. Just don't act on it (obviously).

Oh of course, you just keep it to yourself and let it pass by. It will, there’s no harm in it.

I think it's quite normal to find other men attractive from time to time. Where your vows come in is that you don't actually do anything about it!

Noticing someone is attractive in a disinterested way is totally different from being infatuated with them, which is what i understand a " crush" to be.

A married woman being infatuated with another man is being totally disrespectful to her husband.

I am in a LTR of four years and i had a brief crush on someone else I didn’t really know at one point around 3 years in. He turned out to be an absolute dick. My boyfriend knew I thought he was cute. I’d never cheat. Crushes are normal.

You don’t stop finding other people attractive when you’re married or in a relationship. It’s how you act on it that matters. Cheating is wrong

I feel this response comes from a place of insecurity? Most men, even those who take their vows very seriously and would never cheat, will take a look or even have a passing fancy.

I think it's normal to find other people attractive but of course you would never act on it or allow yourself to ruminate.

Don't feel guilty Op. Sometimes it just reminds us that we are still human and have hormones!

Again you are talking about noticing someone is attractive as though it is the same as a " crush". It isn't. They are two totally different things.

A crush is an infatuation. A crush involves romantic feelings . So if
you are married being infatuated with someone else and having romantic feelings for someone else is being disloyal and disrespectful to your partner.

Your definition of sin is not mine. An unfulfilled passing crush that's kept private, is not sinful. Once the line is crossed, then that's wrong. I'm very much a traditionalist and believe in the sanctity of marriage but humans are complex beings and I'd be naive to think that feelings never arise. What matters is how we act on them. Self-restraint and loyalty are what uphold true commitment.

Ashley Banjo from Diversity could break my marriage vows!! (Husband is aware. I have to watch out for Gemma Atkinson. She was always a threat but when she started lifting it was even more worrying. Lol. Then there was a local teacher that walked to my workplace. He only came in twice but there was something animal about my bodies response.....it was embarrassing. -- never got to know him. I may have hated him.
Of course i would never act on this. But it's just nature.

I’m not infatuated. I just find him attractive and feel a bit giddy when I see him. I think I used the word ‘crush’ because it seemed gentler somehow? I would say my DH is definitely on my mind a lot more overall.

I would never act on it, of course. I’m very happy in my marriage.

I feel a lot more normal now haha. It was so embarrassing to realise I had a crush, but it seems like everyone experiences it sometimes.

Your definition of sin is not mine.
Sorry i dont know what you are talking about. I never mentioned sin and certainly never gave a definition of sin!

But I do feel if someone has " feelings" for another person outside of their marriage they are being disloyal and disrespectful to their spouse. Or isn't " forsaking all others" part of the marriage vows anymore?

Giving it a stupid name like a " crush" doesnt detract from the fact OP has feelings for another man. I wonder how she would feel if her H told her he had a "crush" on his younger woman colleague i.e. that he was infatuated with her. Would she think that was OK? Or would it be a case of the MN double standards?

I’m sure he does have crushes (I know for a fact he has a crush on Carrie-Anne Moss in the Matrix), but I trust he wouldn’t act on them.

Thats fair enough OP.

But if you are happy with your H having feelings for other women, so long as he doesnt act on them, then why start this thread in the first place?

Surely if its ok for him then you know it's OK for you to have feelings for other men apart from him?

If that's how your marriage works then why is having feelings for your physio something you need to start a thread about? Just carry on and your H can carry on thinking about the women he lusts after.

I use the term crush.

I even have crushes on women or older men sometimes.

I use it as a way to describe me having a strong attraction to someone but not necessarily a sexual one and usually nothing I would ever take further.

Whereas if I fancy someone, that is based on sexual attraction and something I would possibly take further.

I don’t think having a crush is equal to having feelings or lusting after someone. They seem like completely different things to me. My friend sometimes uses the phrase ‘work crush’ to describe someone whose work she admires and respects. She definitely doesn’t have feelings or lust for those people

Oh, do get a grip. It is perfectly normal to find other human beings attractive. There isn’t a magic switch that turns off your ability to feel physical attraction to anyone but your spouse that gets flipped on your wedding day FFS. Thinking “Blimey, that person is gorgeous’ doesn’t mean you want to leave your partner for them. It is entirely normal.

I adore my partner. I’ve been with him for 22 years and he is absolutely the loveliest man in the world. I would rather die than cheat on him. That doesn’t mean I don’t fancy the hell out of, eg, Henry Cavill though.

My use of sin was an allegory (or my attempt of at least!). Like a Catholic going to confession professing sinful thoughts as opposed to actually committing them. Is a thought a sin? I personally don’t think so.

Point is, you would never reveal a “crush” to anyone in real life. Especially to your spouse! It’s just a passing fancy. A little jolt that awakens feelings we have as humans. I don’t know if my husband has ever had a passing fancy. I don’t need to know. What I do know is that he’s a loyal, devoted husband and father whom I adore.

Let’s not ourselves holier than thou. Op can rest assured that she’s done nothing wrong. And ps, if a man were to tell me the same thing, I’d give exactly the same response.

Well I agree with you that people seem to use the word without paying any attention to what the actual definition of it is. They use it to mean what they want it to mean rather than what it actually does mean.Which is why confusion arises because nobody really knows what they are actually talking about.

Its all a part of the general sloppy attitude to communication. If people actually used words appropriately we would all be able to understand what others were actually meaning.

I hate the word crush. Its just so evocative of immature teenage feelings.

I'm glad your friend knows what she means when she says "Work crush" because I wouldn't have a clue what she was talking about. Never ever heard of "work crush" before and hope never to again.

Ffs 😂 climb down.

Climb down from what?