Do you ever get crushes as a married woman?

[bipbopdo]

I have a big crush on my physiotherapist and it’s all very embarrassing. It’s like being a teenager again. I feel ridiculous.

In my first marriage, I got intense crushes all the time.

This time around, nope. I can find someone attractive, but no crush has ever developed.

I think most people use "crush" to mean "go a bit giggly in front of someone they find very attractive". I don't think OP's said she's obsessed with him.

I've got a crush on an actor but real life people, no.

I don’t think crushes have anything to do with ‘romantic feelings’.

If OP finds her Physio attractive then why not say so?

Adult women using words like "crush" which used to describe teenagers feelings of infatuation and longing for film stars/ pop stars is just another way of infantilising themselves.

And the thought of an adult married woman being " giggly" in front of her Physio is truly embarrassing.

Give it a a rest. It’s too early for this nonsense.

Don’t be daft! It’s perfectly normal to have crushes, as long as you don’t act on them!

Wow there are some holier than thou responses on here.
OP I’ve had a ‘crush’ on a work colleague for the last few months. Don’t see him that often at work but we have a brief chat a few times a week and it brightens my work day. Will I act on it? No. Is it doing any harm? No. In fact, weirdly, after a few years in the toddler years my marriage has never been better. I think I just am beginning to get myself back after making babies and part of that is finding another man attractive. I’d never cheat, I love dh. I don’t feel remotely guilty.

“Crush” is just a bit of a light fancying. Like “gosh he’s beautiful” but not taking it further. I often feel this way, but I would never do anything to jeopardise my marriage. Just a bit of fun to pass the time.

It might be normal for a teenager to have " crushes".
Its a stage teenagers go through.

I don't think its normal for adults in supposedly monogamous committed relationships. It's immature and inappropriate and disrespectful.

Unless of course it's agreed as an acceptable part of a marriage as it appears to be in OP''s case. If that's how they want to conduct their marriage then fair enough. So why OP started the thread at all is perplexing.

You are entitled to disagree but you aren't entitled to tell me to shut up. That's not how a forum for expressing opinions works.

It's better to realise a crush for what it is, once you do that it's easier for it to pass. Then you can laugh about it and probably less likely to fall under the spell of one again.

I had a crush for about 20 years for someone I knew years ago from a very mundane situation which I didn't realise I had held onto until the crush said something. I then was able to move on from it. I actually had no idea it was a crush, or even what it was, until they said they'd had a crush on me. I wouldn't recommend bringing it up with the person you have a crush on, that's for sure!

It's quite a strange experience - have a look at limerence if you don't believe that they are a thing.

Oh sure. And OP is embarrassed so just looking for reassurance that it's not just her, which it's not (though obviously it's not just you in terms of your opinion either).

Wow we are married not dead!

We can't help how our bodies respond but we can use our brains

Perhaps if she is embarrassed and looking for reassurance she should be looking for another Physio to remove herself from the situation?

Perfectly normal to find other people attractive and have crushes! It doesn’t really mean anything as long as you don’t act on those feelings.
It usually comes from a place of lust/ short attraction and passes quickly.

Nothing to be embarrassed or guilty about as it’s all in your head.
Some people have crushes on famous people, others have crushes on people they’ve met a few times.

Ive been with my dh for 15 years, had a few crushes but still happily married!

Your opinion is trash though 🤷🏻‍♀️

How old are you @bipbopdo? I’m going through peri menopause at the moment and it seems very common at this stage. Weird celebrity crushes, fancying much younger, virile men. It’s all hormonal…the ovaries last roll of the dice so to speak.

I think it’s also quite common when we are a bit bored in life in general. Just a bit of escapism.

Maybe you should lighten up and try it! You might become much less tedious!

This is rubbish. Loads of adults have temporary feelings for other people. It's what you do about them that counts.

@Ivereallyhadenough I don't think you have experienced the intense feelings you can get out of nowhere for someone not your partner and that's okay but please don't judge those who have - it's completely out of their control and normal

@MaryBeardsShoes no opinion is trash

She started the thread because she fancied talking about it. This is Chat, not AIBU.

All I'm doing is replying to posters who are taking issue with what I say.

Tbh the fact that so many posters on this thread think that an adult married woman having a " crush" as if she is a teenager is just yet another manifestation of adults not wanting to see themselves as, or act like adults:
So many women referring to other women, and themselves as " girls". Referring to men as " boys" or "lads". And acting like " girls" and " boys" at every opportunity. Women, and some men actually, resorting to botox, fillers, cosmetic surgery etc in the effort to never actually look anything other than young.
So many people just don't want to see themselves as adults, or behave like adults.

It’s perfectly normal.

I think it's very normal to have a crush now and again! And the fact that it's your physio - isn't it a cliché that women get crushes on their doctor/medical staff? Because it happens so often! It happens in therapy too - I think they call it transference?