How much is standard to give for a wedding?

[Noisecomplaint]

I have to attend a wedding of a friend. We’ve known each other a long time, since primary school. See eachother a few times a year while socialising in a large group but also chat regularly.

Im skint! The wedding is also in the middle of the 6 weeks holidays which always drains every penny.

How much is the going rate for a wedding gift? Do I put in cash and if so how much?

Dont want to look like the friendship group cheapskate but at the same time its not money i have spare.

Any budget ideas that dont look like I haven’t tried?

I’ve given anywhere from £25 to 100 depending on the type of wedding, my closeness to the couple and my financial situation. I wouldn’t worry too much in all honesty, a thoughtful message in a card and a gift you can afford is plenty!

There is unofficially - it was always you’d should look to cover your meal cost and that usually about £40/50 a head.

BUT that doesn’t mean you have to give that. If you can’t afford it you can’t give it and no one should expect an expensive gift for a wedding. I certainly wouldn’t have expected my friend to give me a gift they couldn’t afford. Some people choose to give more if they can afford it (we certainly were a bit surprised with some unexpected and unsolicited generosity ) and other gave less. We were just happy everyone came and didn’t bail on us honestly!

Nope: once again, it has never been traditional in the UK to "cover your meal cost".
Never.

Early 30s just got married. £50 per person for a day guest is the usual minimum. Please don’t buy them a present if they want honeymoon money. I’d rather have got a fiver in a card than a 50 quid toaster. People’s kitchen items etc are personal to them. The gifts I’ve got I don’t really like and will probably give to charity. I really hate waste. Ignore other posters saying to buy presents, most couples have lived together for a decade nowadays and don’t want a knife set etc. if you don’t want to give money give a voucher.

tbh I didn’t care if no one gave a gift, I did care when we didn’t get a card. The cards are more important than the money, the messages are lovely and I’ve kept all of mine.

There is unofficially - it was always you’d should look to cover your meal cost and that usually about £40/50 a head.
Nope. Never been an expectation or a tradition of this

@Noisecomplaint - in my country it used to be you put in roughly what the bride and groom spent on you at the wedding. So if they were paying something like £80 per person for the sitting down meal I would give that amount (x the amount of people in my party) Now I don’t know. I would think if I’m invited for the whole day I wouldn’t be comfortable giving any less than £100.

Yes I agree with this. That’s what I have always been told/done.

The venue is a nice country hall with meal.

I did laugh at allowing DH to sort it. The man has no taste at all.

Maybe I will have to find the money then 😬

And yet put into google and the very first thing that comes up is …

The tradition of a wedding gift covering the cost of the meal, often referred to as "covering your plate," is a common guideline, but not a strict rule. It's a helpful benchmark for deciding how much to give, but the most important factor is personal comfort and what you can afford.

If my friend just explained that she was skint because it’s the summer holidays but didn’t want to give us something shit, so she’s waiting a few months to be in a bit better position financially, I’d be absolutely fine with that.
I’d probably tell her not to bother.

Yeah, cos ChatGPT sees what other people have made-up on the internet and starts quoting it!

Nobody is going round looking up the venue and checking their wedding packages and guessing how much has been spent on them as a guest. And nobody should be. Without that nobody has any idea (rightly) what has been spent on them as a guest.

It's bollocks. And umpleasant bollocks at that to consider being a guest something you have to pay for. Like a PP I'd be mortified if I thought anyone had done that at our wedding. I'm sure they hadn't.

Dont put anything if you can’t afford, my friend who I have known 35 years is skint gave me a card and a nice photo frame as a wedding gift, I loved it.

As many people have told you don't need to give a certain amount as have suggested you should. So you really don't need to think there's any consensus.

If these people are arseholes who will judge you for not giving enough you don't need their company. If they are nice normal people they won't judge. It's a win win.

No it wasn't. It was buying a gift, usually from a list, to allow a young couple to set up their first home together. Nowadays, with so many people co-habiting before marriage, some couples ask for money instead. I am old grumpy enough to find cash requests and covering the cost of the meal somewhat crass and distasteful. If a couple have to have people subsidise their wedding, maybe they should downscale their plans. Not everyone will have the spare money to spend £50+ on a meal. Our wedding meal cost that much over 20 years ago, most of our guests gave gifts of substantially lower cost. Because we deliberately created a gift list for all budgets and did not live together before marriage.

I know that won't be a popular take. And probably makes me sound like a dinosaur instead of the middle-aged woman I actually am.

just because you haven't heard of it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. I was told this over 30 years ago and have heard it multiple times over the years. It is a rule of thumb I have worked to and other people on this thread have confirmed they use that rule so suggesting it isn’t a thing is ridiculous. That rule is why most people are quoting £50 quid whether they know it or not.

It’s a rule of thumb not a mandate…. No one has to buy a gift at all!

it’s a bit like the ‘rule’ that an engagement ring should cost 1 month’s salary. Some use that as a guide, others don’t but it was always the rule of thumb

And as many articles online agree it's nonsense as there are that agree with it.

It's not traditional in the UK for bridesmaids to precede the bride either. Loads of people do it now, it's very popular. Still not traditional.

I think a minimum of £100 is the norm, But I also think you’d have to be a special kind or arsehole to mind if it’s less. Give what you can afford.

you do know what the phrase ‘rule of thumb’ means right?

You can get personalised bottles of Prosecco online with a photo of the bride & groom for about £20 which you can personalise with a congratulations message

We have done this for all of our friends who have gotten engaged and always get told how thoughtful it is.

Your true friends would not judge you for what you put into their wedding card - I promise.

Yep, it's a thing someone made up and convinced a load more people that it is significant and that it is appropriate to follow.

Usually comes from some otherwise long established tradition or practical requirement. Neither of which apply here.

This 100%.

From a genuine dinosaur 🦕

You're spot on! Fellow dinosaur 🦖 🦕! 😀

Not a dinosaur but I agree with you. I got married at 25 years old and would be horrified if people felt they need to cover the cost of the meal. I didn’t realise this was a thing. I invited them to our wedding and meal for a reason - not for them to “pay me back for it?”

We did get some very generous gifts of over £100 which we were grateful for but never expected. Most couples gifted £30-50 and this was more than enough and too kind.

I personally think it’s really insane to expect to spend money on outfits, possibly childcare, transport AND £200 in the wedding card!

We would aim for £50 per guest but if we were having a skint month we would give less and assume we had been invited as the bride and groom like us rather than want our money.

My most memorable and lovely wedding gift was a flower press to press some of my bouquet. I didn’t get to use it as my friend who caught the bouquet pulled and left it in a taxi 😂