Would you leave an exclusively breastfed 7 month old for two nights?

[ukaway]

I booked a weekend away for DP & I a while ago. DD will be 7 months old, she’s breastfed & I’ve only been away from her once for around 12 hours, where I left her with DP and she was fine.

She’s 4 months old at the moment & whilst I’ve been looking forward to it, as it’s getting closer I’m starting to dread being away from her. She’s very cautious around anyone who is not me or DP & often works herself up crying if either of our families even try to interact with her.

I could really do with getting away and I’ve paid quite a bit but the thought of her being unsettled has left me feeling it would be selfish of me to go. We’d be leaving around lunchtime on the Friday & returning on the Sunday afternoon, it’s a 3 hour drive each way.

I’m could change the dates, although I’d have to pay an additional £300 I believe. I’m not even sure if she’d be a bit more settled in 3 months time & on solids too. I think if I knew that she was happy being looked after, I’d be able to relax myself.

Would you go in these circumstances?

I would have loved to but I wouldn't have been able to. Mine never reliably took a bottle or settled without feeding to sleep at that age. I think it's down to two things -

Do you think your LO will feed and sleep well enough without you?
Will you enjoy yourself?

If it's yes to both, go for it!

I personally wouldn't have left my DC for two nights that young especially with anyone other than DH

Keep giving her a bottle of expressed milk every day and bring your pump to not lose your supply. If you can’t get your money back you could always come home early if it’s not working out.

I left my baby one night at 11 months but she was very comfortable with her grandparents by then, we left her with them for 4 hours at 4 months and gradually built it up and she was completely fine. However, she always slept through the night and we could trust that from a few months so had no worries about that. It meant a lot to my husband and I to have that time to just be the two of us, and we have since left her overnight a few times and two nights at 15 months!

Long term your relationship with your partner is so important for your baby’s wellbeing, so if it’s challenging but okay I’d say go for it :)

I wouldn’t, DD was still waking a couple of times a time and was night feeding at that age. I would worry that whoever was looking after her wouldn’t be able to settle her and it would be unfair to them both. Take them with you and just take the monitor. You can have a couple of drinks and get in the tub once they’re in bed! X

I wouldn’t have, my youngest hadn’t even had a bottle at all by 7 months.
Plus you will have to spend time expressing while you’re away or you’ll be uncomfortable and affect your supply.
Can you take DD with you? I think that’s what I would do rather than lose money on it.

My DD is 6 1/2 months and there is no way I could leave her for even one night, as much as the sleep would be nice. Solids aren't doing anything at this stage, it's just food for fun. At best my DP managed to stall her for half an hour with a bit of mashed banana when I was slower than expected when out, but I haven't left her for more than 2.5 hours let alone 2 overnights. There are lots of factors to consider: How easily can you get back? Your milk supply may not recover, are you ok with that? She may be teething etc at that point, so may be fussier particularly at night. And finally, how well does she know the person you are planning to leave her with? My DD has managed an hour with my mum, but don't think she would have coped with anyone else, even other grandparents.

I'd start giving a bottle every day from now to make sure they would take it. I'd also get whoever is going to look after baby to visit regularly and feed them regularly before you go. My 2nd baby used to refuse to eat for anyone who wasn't me or my husband. Made for a very stressful return to work.

I would go [because I'm heartless, £300 is a fair bit of cash, and hindsight has taught me that being away regularly is good for the soul and good for the kids] assuming you are totally comfortable with whoever you are leaving her with, but a few things from experience.

At 7 months, they'll be having a few spoons of puree a day. Think 2/3 large ice cubes worth. She'll still need all but maybe one of her feeds.
You will need to express regularly or you will be quite sore and risk mastitis. You may be able to refrigerate your milk in your room and bring it home again. But it will be a slightly different romantic weekend.
Not sure what you are implying by the stepson. He was due to go anyway so baby as well, tips you into more expensive accommodation; or you would both feel obliged to bring him if the baby is coming. A 7 month old is quite a different dynamic. Possibly able to sleep in a pram beside you at dinner, a 5 yrs not so much. You're both entitled to a break, do something different and more fun for the 5 yr old. Spas rarely allow kids in the pool at any sort of sensible intervals too. It's like between 8am and 10am and that's it.
My daughters were mix fed from birth due to supply issues. When they started weaning they both went on bottle strike. All kinds of angst ensued as I was going back to work and it wasn't an option to pump. You may get to 6/7 months and find your carefully laid plans go awry so I would try to make a plan that allows for the baby to come with you at the last minute.
Or just move the booking. Call the venue, ask nicely if you can move at no/low cost provided it's used by date X. It might be very nice to have a spa weekend just before going back to work for example. You might still be bfing, but the baby/toddler certainly won't starve.

Thank you all, lots to think about! I’m leaning more towards either taking her in September or pushing it back a good few months. I know DP is still keen to go in September and seems to think she’d be okay but I’m not sure that I would be :(

Lots of good suggestions, I did think about asking my sister to join so we’d have a babysitter but the accommodation is for 2 adults or 2 adults 1 infant so no space.

Going to speak to him tonight and suggest we either move it to spring next year where she’ll be at least 12 months or we take her with :)

I’m not sure DP will be happy with the suggestion of taking one DC and not the other though. We’ve got a family holiday abroad booked this year and DSS is also going abroad with his mum so I don’t think he’d be missing out. DSS wouldn’t ordinarily be with us that weekend as I’d booked it so we wouldn’t need childcare for both, so he’d be none the wiser either.

I wouldn’t be against taking the 7 month old because I’d be happy to put her to bed at 7pm with a monitor and have a glass of wine in the hot tub. She’d also just tag along with whatever we’d like to do, I’m thinking local farmers market, village pub, trails etc. Taking our 5 year old on the other hand might change the dynamic a little more as we wouldn’t have much child free time in the evening & the activities would have to be more child centric.

I’d imagined an idyllic & relaxing child-free weekend to use spa facilities and recharge in the countrysidebut I know I won’t enjoy it as I’m very anxious by nature. No judgement at all to any mums that have enjoyed a weekend away from their DC from young x

@ukaway another option is to use the 8 weeks you’ve got now to give dc a bottle expressed milk regularly - even if it’s just once a night and get them used to whoever the caregiver will be when you go.

Depending on where the accomodation is could you stagger it so even though you’re spending 2 nights away you’re not away for 2 full days if you catch my drift. So leave at like 3/4pm on a Monday and get back super early on a Wednesday?

We left our dc for the first time at 6 months for a night with my mum who she hadn’t spent loads of time previously with as she is opposite side of the country. She was completely fine. Every baby is different but she is very much out of sight out of mind. (As am I) We just left lots of expressed milk and a few bottles of ready made formula. More recently at 11 months we left her for 3 nights for a destination wedding and again she was right as rain!

It helped that we went to stay with my mum for a few days before so she was used to the house / cot etc. If you do do it, I found trying to leave when they have a nap is better for them and you- especially when they have separation anxiety.

The first time is always the hardest and I think whether they’re 6 months old or 5 years old at school the first time you ever leave your child will be tough. You worry of course. But you also get to enjoy yourself, relax and come back recharged and excited to parent.

Obviously you can’t predict how you will feel or what your dc will be like in 7 months but I say if you want to go just do it and put things in place now to make sure she will take a bottle, make sure you have a pump for yourself (mostly for comfort- your supply should be fine unless any other issue) and enjoy yourself break !

No way would I have been ready for this with a 7mth old baby tbh, I don’t think we left ours overnight with my late MIL until they were two!

Absolutely not! It’ll be awful for both of you, mine is 15 months now and he is still really upset if I leave him for more than a few hours

Why is leaving a seven month old good for them?

Personally, no but I’m not judging if you do! My son is 11m and BF and I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving him this long without his main source of comfort. He has a lot of solids, so he doesn’t need the milk as such. He is also happy in other people’s care and will take a bottle. But after a few hours in someone else’s care he starts seeking me out and wanting a feed as soon as we get back together. Sounds like your gut is saying your little girl will want the same. I’d postpone for when you’ve stopped bf’ing or take them with you ☺️ I also agree with other posters who said I’d worry about the knock on effects to my supply.

Unfortunately, it’s highly likely this is a problem entirely of your own making. The very reason she doesn’t settle with other people is because she has only been away from you for 12 hours. In short, she’s simply reflecting back your anxiety and hasn’t been given enough time away from you.

Given this is now ingrained behaviour, it will cause problems whenever you do it. Frankly, as she takes the bottle, I’d start giving her more frequent and longer away from you starting right now, I certainly wouldn’t wait another 3 months.

No, I’m all for women being able to consider themselves separate from their children but at 7 months and EBF 2 nights, and even 1 night is too much. The baby relies on you for food and comfort, taking that all away is cruel.

Only being apart from your 4 month old for a 12 hour chunk once is totally normal, particularly when they are breastfed. It’s not at all a sign of anxiety or “ingrained behaviour”.

Are you serious? She is a baby she shouldn’t be away from her mum!!

I don’t think it’s selfish to want to go but nor do you have to if you don’t want to. I would caution about pushing it back too far though as you might start to hit the peak of separation anxiety.

If it were me I’d go without the baby or not at all. I’d just end up with a substandard spa experience otherwise.

No. I left 9 month old ds5 with dh years ago when ds4 had grommets in day surgery. I thought it would be 4-5 hours but he was 3 hours in theatre/recovery so it was more like 8 hours away from him. He was fine with solids and water but I had really painful breasts and had to keep hand expressing in the loo to get some relief.

I couldn’t have left DS at that age as he hardly ate any solid food until he was 8-9 months and he refused bottles and cups of milk.

I would. My DD never took to the bottle but by seven months she was eating quite a bit of solids. Also get her used to being in the care of someone else - can one in your family start putting her to bed occasionally?

No. Not if she’s breastfed. She has to go where you go

in answer to your initial question? No. Don't do that.

Absolutely not. I had gall stone attack when my breastfed child was 8 months and it was a nightmare - they ended up really dehydrated as refused bottles but couldn’t drink my milk as I was on morphine. I was engorged and uncomfortable too. You won’t enjoy it for worrying about your baby.