Just been fat shamed 😳

[TOWGA]

I’m a mum of 2, by 2 c sections, I was wearing a floaty dress today as it’s hot, took my youngest (who is 3) to get a ice cream and the lady serving the Ice cream, said to my daughter, your mummy looks hot with her big bump. (I’m not pregnant)
I wanted the ground to swallow me up!
im 5ft 2, carry weight on my stomach, about 66kg.
I don’t want to eat now, and feel awful, I haven’t eaten well in the last week, as I have gotten an autism diagnosis and coming to terms with that.

She didn't "fat shame" you. She made a genuine mistake.

Gently, that isn't fat shaming - she made an assumption, but didn't shame you on your size, you need to recognise the difference between the two. It's hurtful, but not malicious.

I would focus on my emotional response to things and how that impacts on my eating - sounds like you might need a bit of help and support in this regard?

Yeah, been there and it sucks. Floaty dresses may feel great, but they can be very unflattering. I find a belt helps as I have a narrow waist but a rounder lower stomach and thighs.

She made a silly comment
don’t take it to heart (easier said than done tho)

That isn't fat shaming. She made a mistake. I think you're jumping to conclusions and being over sensitive.

She didn’t ’fat shame’ you, she made an assumption. I never know why people make comments about pregnancy, they so often get it wrong.

This is not fat shaming.

This. Don't let it get to you.

I refuse to be embarrassed by it now, they shouldn’t presume things and it’s hurtful. Especially when I’m swollen to balloon size and look pregnant with endometriosis that means I can’t get pregnant

How can mistaking you for being pregnant be thought of as fat shaming?

You had a child with you already and were wearing a voluminous dress that could easily be seen as being a maternity dress and you admit yourself that you your stomach isn’t flat!

It’s quite easy to see that she wasn’t being nasty and was making small talk as you bought your ice creams.

She was trying to be friendly and made a mistake...

At 66kg you are barely overweight possibly not even

Dont let it ruin your day!

She didn't fat shame you...it was probably the style of dress you were wearing

This has happened to me a couple of times, ironically when I was slimmer- but I’ve always had a tummy and some summer dresses just create that affect. And once in the gym when I had an awful period bloat and the instructor told me off for using a heavier weight. I always correct someone though as to be honest, I don’t think you should ever make a comment that someone looks pregnant unless you specifically know they are pregnant, or they tell you so, it’s too much of a minefield. I would just politely say ‘I’m not pregnant!’ and smile and carry on with my day. It’s not worth having an existential crisis over what a stranger has felt the need to comment on.

Fair enough, to me it was shaming me for the fact I carry weight on my stomach.
I’m going through a rough time atm, just found out I’m autistic and learning how to deal with that. I am a sensitive person.

Shame is an inside job. No one can make you feel ashamed. She made a stupid social faux pas that upset you. That’s on her.

Fat-shaming you would be pointing at your stomach and saying something like “you’re so fat!” She didn’t do that, she simply made a mistake, based on your appearance.

She was bloody rude, even if it wasn’t ’fat shaming’.

This.
This has happened to me twice, both times while wearing a loose fitting tee shirt dress.
I've always been slim but with not much of a waist and carry weight around the tummy area, particularly as I've got older.
I was mortified on both occasions.

I am overweight, I kind of know it though. Its obvious, my bum and stomach and arms are bigger than they really should be. Its not news to me, and if somrone comments they are basically stating the obvious.
Like, that man has one leg, or that woman has grey hair. Its just a fact, me wearing a floaty dress or baggy t shirt isnt going to change the fact I am overweight.
If youre overweight then you can either just be overweight or get slim. Currently ai am just being overweight as have no headspace for addressing it with the other things going on in my life.so ai have come to terms with that and if anyone says anything then really what new thing are they telling me oh, i have a large bottom, I really thought I was a size 8, thanks for your input.

She didn't fat shame you, she mistook you for pregnant.

It hurts.

I was once buying a train ticket, I had a floral maxi dress on and the lady at the counter said 'is it a boy or girl?' For a split second I didn't understand and said 'what?' And the looked visably uncomfortable and said 'oh nothing'

I never wore that dress again 🤣

I wouldn't ever mention a bump or pregnancy to a woman I don't know unless she literally said 'I'm pregnant' as soon as you met her, or was wearing one of those badges.

But it wasn't meant to deliberately shame your size. And you admit you carry weight on your belly. It's not a good thing to say but don't take it as fat shaming. If you'd have said you weren't she wouldn't felt absolutely mortified. I would imagine.

This is why you should never comment unless you know for sure someone is pregnant.

@TOWGA she shouldn’t have commented on your figure full stop. It’s inappropriate but don’t let it ruin your day xx

Did you tell her you arent pregnant? It would be better for her not to say that to anyone else

As others have said, this is not fat shaming. She thought you looked pregnant, that’s not the same.