Just been fat shamed 😳

[TOWGA]

I’m a mum of 2, by 2 c sections, I was wearing a floaty dress today as it’s hot, took my youngest (who is 3) to get a ice cream and the lady serving the Ice cream, said to my daughter, your mummy looks hot with her big bump. (I’m not pregnant)
I wanted the ground to swallow me up!
im 5ft 2, carry weight on my stomach, about 66kg.
I don’t want to eat now, and feel awful, I haven’t eaten well in the last week, as I have gotten an autism diagnosis and coming to terms with that.

Agree not fat shaming though super awkward. I once hurt my back so was walking around with my shoulders pushed right back and supporting my back with my hands a la heavily pregnant women. Lots of people tried to give me their seat on the tube. So awkward 😅 I don't think you should feel ashamed though - if you're unhappy with your weight change it, if not then just recognise she made a mistake and don't worry about it (eg my friend's son is constantly called 'little girl' and daughter a boy). It's only shaming if you let it be.

I live by the rule that you never presume pregnant unless you can see the head crowning.

Honestly I think I would have just laughed and said “Oi cheeky I’m not pregnant”. She would have ended up feeling far more embarrassed than you.

You're looking wonderful at this late stage of your pregnancy SunnieShine. Absolutely blooming with such a huge bump! You look ready to pop!

Not fat shaming, remember?

@TOWGA
Hopefully you can see your recent autism diagnosis as a positive moving forwards. Will you be getting access to any post diagnostic support?
There are lots of books available and the best ones are those written by autistic women. The library should be able to recommend some good ones.

😂

She should have known better. Never comment on someone's body shape. It's not hard.

"Fat shamed" ffs 😫

I’m sorry you’re going through a difficult time OP and I’m sorry that added to it. Many of us have been in that situation and I’m the same as you- it got me hugely down and I still remember the look on the lady’s face when I told her I wasn’t pregnant (I had to- she insisted I didn’t have to pay for swimming as pregnant). It really sucked especially as my mum had just died and I was a wreck already.
People really, really need to think before they speak.

It’s not “bloody rude” she was making small talk to kids and showing concern for what she perceived to be a pregnant lady in the heat

it was a mistake, sure , to make that assumption. had the op said “I’m not pregnant I’m just fat” the ice cream lady would have been embarrassed and may think twice before making that mistake again

I did this many years ago at a social function I offered a seat to a woman who looked heavily pregnant and made a comment about her cute kids and “ another on the way” - never will make that mistake again ! Still cringe when I think about it

no malice, and like the ice cream lady I was trying to be friendly

I am a teacher with fat belly , I am asked every week if I am pregnant especially if I have period bloat, I correct them, reminding them it’s not something we ask teachers and laugh if off

It’s not, but it’s also not fat shaming, it is a genuine mistake

I get that, I’m sensitive and I shuffle a bit with my Parkinson’s, embrassing yes, not something I can always control.
As we ( ok I’m 63), tend to be more understanding, folk make mistakes in life and assumptions often

Your sensitivity is not other people’s issue to manage. You have to manage that.

She didn’t fat shame you at all, she made an assumption, a wrong one and perhaps a rude one, but an innocent mistake. If you’re a woman and you carry weight on your stomach and wear floaty dresses then you do sometimes look pregnant and people still comment on baby bumps, despite it being personal, a bit rude and a risk because they might not be pregnant.

It’s clumsy, it isn’t fat shaming.

I'm sorry she made you feel like that. I've just been swimming and I was thinking how great it is that people were quite happily walking about regardless of shape or size. I hope you feel ok.

It is rude. Why do people think it’s ok to comment on someone’s body just because they think the person might be pregnant? It is rude to comment on someone’s body.

It isn’t fat shaming. It isn’t cruel or making fun of them. It’s just rude though.

Daft woman. Who says that when they aren’t 3000% sure 😂

Yeah its hurtful when this happens! So sending hugs! I'm a bit overweight but also tall and carry all of my extra weight on my stomach after 2 children! I finally found a nail place I love and at my last appointment the lady asked me how many months pregnant I was, how much she wants another child etc. Seeing as I was stuck in that chair for at least another half an hour and didnt want to make it more awkward I just agreed, yes 3 months, yes older children excited etc. Got home, had a cry to my husband and he pointed out that unless I get pregnant ASAP I need to find a new nail place, so then I cried again!

You could be 9 months pregnant and it would still have been a rude comment to make. To your kid as well. Wtf. I wouldn’t dream of it!

Don't think about it too much. Fwiw, you can be overweight and not look pregnant and also being a healthy weight and look pregnant if that makes sense.

Being sensitive doesn’t mean people are actually out to upset you, op.
There was no malice at all in what she said.

I know it hurts. But she didn't mean it maliciously. Should she have kept her mouth shut? Yeah, probably - I never ask someone if they're pregnant, regardless of any enormous and obvious baby bumps, unless they literally go into labour in front of me.

In the past couple of years I've both been asked if I'm pregnant (um, no) and if I'm my daughter's grandmother (I'm only in my 30s but a bit weathered I suppose). Neither of these things made me feel excellent at the time but I was able to laugh it off by the end of the day.

A tactless person made what she thought was a friendly comment.

Honestly I’m always baffled that anybody makes the assumption AND says it out loud! I do wonder if it’s a generational thing though. I’m currently pregnant with my second baby and lost count the number of people, usually older ladies, who do ask when I’m due, ask to touch my tummy, ask if I’m having a boy or a girl etc. I don’t mind at all, but I am conscious that I personally would never assume much less vocalise my assumption unless I was absolutely POSITIVE because the thought of making this mistake makes me cringe

Oh my goodness I’ve been on the receiving end of people thinking I’m pregnant. I wouldn’t call it fat shaming though, I have a particular dress that gets a lot of “when are you due” comments but I love it so I keep wearing it.

I once bumped into an old friend and she looked bigger than I remembered her but also she looked utterly radiant and I had a vague recollection of a mutual friend telling me at some point that she was having another baby. Without thinking I blurted out “you look amazing! I hear congratulations are in order, when is the little one due?” And she looked down at her toddler and said “she arrived two years ago” And I tell you I was sooooo mortified I felt so so awful!

Yeah I understand how you felt! People really shouldn't make assumptions like that. I still have a tummy even though child is 5 and I think some clothes I prob do look pregnant! Try not let it ruin your day, she wasn't being unkind.