Did your parents read your childhood diaries?

[Oollliivviiaa]

My mum used to go through my things. She'd deny it of course. I still wonder what on earth she used to find so intetesting in a boring (generally good) teens bedroom.

She used to read my diary. I caught her once. She denied it even stood there with it in her hands. My Dad said she was just picking it up off the floor (I'd hidden it, she hadn't just found it). After that I kept writing in it but knowing she'd read it, I wrote boring stuff but also peppered with how much I hated her. I sort of feel bad now but equally I dont. If she had given me some privacy, I wouldnt have done it.

My son and I stayed the night recently. She went through our bags when when we out. My son accused me when his stuff had all been moved! I didnt see the point in making a fuss over it so I said that nana must have moved the bag to get to something in the room and accidently tipped it out. He believed me. What she expected to find I dont know.

I moved 200miles away for uni, never moved back and now live almost 300miles away. A huge part of moving away was privacy. She moans now that she doesnt see us.

I never had any reason to think so, they were always where I'd left them. I wrote freely about my parents and everything else, but I didn't lead an exciting or rebellious life, much of my diaries were about feeling lonely and depressed, peppered with bits of embarrassingly awful 'historical fiction' which I used to write from time to time as a serial amongst the other entries.

Yup. Over 20 years ago now but I still haven’t quite forgiven the loss of privacy. She also read love letters and would steam other letters open as well - things like bank statements, Drs letters and then re-seal. Literally no privacy and outrageous behaviour.

Left home as soon as possible. Sibling stayed - despite the same happening to them - and they are still far too enmeshed. Very weird dynamic.

I kept a diary once and my mum found it and followed me around the house reading it out. She quizzed my siblings on people mentioned in it. I never kept another diary.

She would open and read letters and go through my stuff as well.

No. I suppose one of the (vanishingly few) advantages of having illiterate parents.

Sometimes is it a good thing? If a young teen/child you think very unhappy or in serious trouble?

Anyone old enough to remember the Grange Hill episode where the mother reads girl’s diary about an imagined teacher affair & things escalate?

Yes my mum read mine, the nosey cow. I've never forgotten how violated i felt.

If she'd ever bothered asking me how I felt I might have told her.

Yes. When I was 12, she told the father of the boy I fancied in front of me, the boy and half the swimming club that I fancied him. I never forgave her for that and was very choosy about what news I told her afterwards, as she couldn't be trusted to keep secrets or use things against us.

41 years later, I still write a diary, and I'm still in touch with the boy I fancied, though he now lives overseas. He was my first kiss when I was 16.

I can understand wanting to read your child's diary. If you give in to curiosity, never tell them you did, and never, ever tell anyone else mentioned in it.

Yep, and rooted through my stuff too. Also tried to listen into phone calls.

My dad would go on and on and on until I told him what my post or phone calls were about.

Yes, she denied it but she used a turn of phrase I'd written in the diary and had this smug tone like she knew I knew but couldn't prove it. Decades later, we have a better relationship now, but I can never completely trust her.

Ah yes the click of the extension…

No. It was a principle of hers and how she demonstrated that she trusted me.

My parents immediately asked if they could read my diary when they saw me writing in it aged about 8. So that was the end of the diary!
My mother also went through my collection of photos of me with friends but also with boys (not sexy ones, just hugging!!) , where I kept sweet little poems from a teenage boyfriend etc while "looking for photos to display for my 21st birthday". So I had to throw everything away.
She also opened my bank statements while I was travelling for a year at the age of 31 because she "thought I wanted her to ". Never once mentioned what was in the bank statements so why did I allegedly want her to open them?
This was in a time of internet banking by the way.

It all makes me feel a bit sick to be honest.

No, and nothing would make me do that to my child without their permission

If I’d had one, my mum would definitely have read it and wouldn’t have seen anything wrong with that. She didn’t think children’s privacy from their parents was a thing. She was very “I’m your mother and therefore I have a right to everything”

I don't think so, but at one point I suspected she or my older brother might have, and I started writing in a kind of vague code. (I was an older teenager having sex with my bf at that point, and the shit would have hit the fan!) She definitely would have read it if she'd found it. I know she went through my things.

One of many reasons we had such a complicated, difficult relationship...

I remember that - I was about eight years old and mesmerised by it! Writing about snogging Mr Hopwood in the cinema during 'Gregory's Girl' when she'd actually been to see it with a girl friend 😆

I bought the early series of Grange Hill on DVD a few years ago, and when I rewatched that one, it struck me that, after Claire had finally admitted she'd made the diary entries up, she just went back to Mr Hopwood's class as if nothing had happened. How embarrassing that would be for both of them.

Yes! They discovered I had been given love bites by my boyfriend and were furious. I was 15 and he was 17. My dad was furious and called me all sorts of things. That is the only time he had been angry with me. I was mortified because I was talking about wanting to have sex with him etc!

I didn’t keep a diary, but DM would’ve absolutely read it if I had. Later on, if post went to her house for me, she would open and check the contents “in case it was something important”.

For myriad reasons, we’re not in contact anymore.

This is one occasion where I would read a diary. Where I had a specific concern and was worried about my child’s safety. Not “they seem a bit upset, I’ll find out whether they’ve had a falling out at school” but serious concerns around wellbeing.

My mum did. We had a very difficult relationship due to her messed up relationship with my stepdad. I wrote about it in my diary and she was so offended after reading it that she made comments to me for weeks about what she read. Once I'd figured it out we had a massive row and I ran away to my best friends house for the night. I hate her for it whenever I remember and I will never ever do that to my daughter even if the diary was laid out open in front of me.

My mum didn't see my right to privacy and still to some degree doesn't. Like she'll turn up unannounced and answered questions that my midwives has asked me after birth. She sees us as one person. As a result I keep her as far away as possible

Is it really any different than going through their phones? Children shouldn’t have secrets

My mum read mine and corrected my spellings and wrote feedback ( she was a teacher )

I went nuts and she laughed it off because she thought I’d left it open in my desk on purpose for her to read it. I was livid

I recently looked though my 12 year olds notebook but in my defence she is anxious and depressed and i was concerned about self harm and suicidal feelings ( none found thank god)

the fact that she went through your adult bags and your sons is a massive violation and I would be talking to her about it

how old is your son and why did you cover for your mum ? Your relationship with your mum seems v distant is that why she is snoooping in a desperate attempt to get intimate ?

Yes my mum did. I used to keep diaries and write a lot, I loved writing stories as well. She read everything. So I stopped writing. I can't bear writing anything too personal now and I really, really miss writing stories. Such a huge, life-changing invasion for me, and I would never do the same to my daughter. She's had 'secret books' since she could write and she's always wanted to show me them and it's so innocent. As she gets older I hope she keeps writing in them, even if she no longer shows me them!

Glad not only me that remembers :) Yes, a bit unrealistic. Some used to copy bits the humming (?) in unison & the writing ‘I love you’ on face or similar to unsettle young, supply teacher.