Did your parents read your childhood diaries?

[Oollliivviiaa]

My mum used to go through my things. She'd deny it of course. I still wonder what on earth she used to find so intetesting in a boring (generally good) teens bedroom.

She used to read my diary. I caught her once. She denied it even stood there with it in her hands. My Dad said she was just picking it up off the floor (I'd hidden it, she hadn't just found it). After that I kept writing in it but knowing she'd read it, I wrote boring stuff but also peppered with how much I hated her. I sort of feel bad now but equally I dont. If she had given me some privacy, I wouldnt have done it.

My son and I stayed the night recently. She went through our bags when when we out. My son accused me when his stuff had all been moved! I didnt see the point in making a fuss over it so I said that nana must have moved the bag to get to something in the room and accidently tipped it out. He believed me. What she expected to find I dont know.

I moved 200miles away for uni, never moved back and now live almost 300miles away. A huge part of moving away was privacy. She moans now that she doesnt see us.

Yes my mother read everything and even steamed open my mail when I was at Uni. Unlike yours she didn’t deny it and her excuse was always that I wouldn’t tell her anything and she wanted to know. Her view was that as my mother it was her right to read my stuff despite with the mail thing I was actually an adult and even as a child you have a certain right to privacy.

And no we’re not at all close and she wonders why.

Oh that's awful, people can be so terrible and cruel and your sister would maybe feel bad about that how? The things done to us as kids can really stick with us. I genuinely had a stack of stories up to my knee at all times, discovering typewriters was a game changer for me. I miss getting so absorbed in writing stories - they were probably rubbish and were mainly what I now know is fan fiction but I got so much joy and calmness from it, from when I could write right up until the age of about 16. Reading and writing was my teenage life. They were only for myself and I loved reading them back 😅 I was basically writing what I wanted to read. After discovering my mum was reading my stories and my diary I just found that my own writing has started to make me cringe. I hadn't been ready for anyone to read my stories and I would never have been ready for anyone to read my diaries. I was so mortified knowing that she'd probably been invading my privacy all along.

I seem to recall reading that the original version of her diary that was published was edited further, e.g. taking out her thoughts about sex, periods, etc. Her father, pretty understandably for the era, wanted to keep those things private.

My daughter writes many stories. Im desperate to read them but she doesnt want me to so I don't. It makes me so sad that she doesnt want to share something so important to her with me but I really hope she sees that I acknowledge that.

She is so private though and I dont know how to encourage her to open up to me. She shares her music with me. Im really not that into music but I try to be enthusiastic and take an interest and learn about her bands. I even took her to a gig of one of her favourite bands and learned all the words to sing along. I hope she sees that too.

Yes my Mum used to go through my room. I had lots of penpals and she would read this letters and sometimes leave them out. She left my pills on the pillow (I think to let me know she had found them) a few weeks before I got married

I've also seen her rifling through my brother's desk when he lived with me

For this reason she is never left alone in my home

She also has firm for reading our calendar and notice board

So we 'planted' as list

Oh yes I'd also forgotten opening my mail (from my father) when I was younger

It infuriated me her reading my penpals letters, felt like a huge invasion of privacy and like I couldn't have anything for myself

Anyway here is our planted list

Yes and I have snooped on my kids mostly to check they are ok (as teens) I wouldn’t do it now they are adults.

My Penguin edition has quite detailed notes and says that in the first edition, some parts were cut that referred to menstruation and Anne's speculation about sex - because at the time of publication that wouldn't have been seen as appropriate content for a book that would be read by young girls. They have been restored in later editions.

Otto Frank was a very brave man - I can't imagine what it must have felt like to go through the process of publishing and talking about the book knowing that most of the people in it, the family he loved, and even the others who lived with them, had died in horrific conditions.

Yes, it's one of the reasons I don't trust her at all and we have a very strained relationship. She 'let it be known' that she'd read them but never tried to actually have a conversation about any of the things I was writing about that were concerning (shoplifting & self harm), just shamed me for them. Which is probably why I was doing them in the first place.

My daughter is too young at this point for diaries but I like to think I wouldn't on principle. Agree that phones are different. And if you're reading your kid's stuff & find things that worry empathise and try to understand what's going on for them - don't make it all about how badly it reflects on you the parent!

Oh yeah my mum 100% read my diary - she was one of those parents who just saw her child as an extension of herself, and therefore didn’t believe in privacy. So I used to write a diary full of soppy entries about how much I admired her, what an amazing mum she was, how hard I was trying at school because I wanted her to be proud of me etc. She used to eat it up, I could always tell when she’d been reading it because she’d use turns of phrase that I used, praise me for things I’d mentioned, and generally spoil me and be super nice to me. I’ve never felt guilty for it.

My mum read mine - she read about my two suicide attempts and the fact I had been sexually assaulted at 15 by one of their customers. She asked me if I wanted them to ban him, but asked in such a way that I felt to say yes was the wrong answer iyswim - so I said no. He went on to rape me 2 years later.

It’s terrible to betray the trust and privacy of your child like that - but to then not be the adult and take the appropriate action when you read something very serious is unforgivable and says you weren’t doing it because you were worried, you were doing it because you are nosy.

My dad did when I was about 12 and then he told me off about the language I’d used about a family member who I didn’t like. I honestly do not know what he was thinking and I’ve never forgiven the invasion of privacy. It wasn’t like I was a particularly naughty or troubled child either. The audacity to read it and then tell me off about my own private thoughts still stings to this day!

I am so sorry your mum let you down. X

Thank you. It’s only as a parent myself I truly realise just how badly she let me down - that should never, ever have been my decision to make.

Yes my mum did.

Yes. It’s a huge violation. I would never do that to my own children.

Wasn’t really a diary kind of person but on the odd occasion I did, no of course not to my knowledge, to me that is a huge violation of your child’s privacy which they are entitled to.

One of my sisters says that when she was in her mid-teens she walked into her bedroom to find our dad sitting reading her diary with a big grin on his face. I assume he just found it and picked it up out of curiosity, for he's not the sort of person who'd go looking for a diary.

I never persevered with a diary for long. It wasn't necessary, I had other outlets for creative writing. Whenever I tried to keep one (a short-lived New Year resolution, usually) I didn't trust my mum, my gran or my little sisters not to read it and wrote in a code based on a non-Latin alphabet. I'm not sure my mum would have bothered, for she had no concept of anyone apart from herself having a private inner life.

I didn't read my own children's diaries.

I am very shocked reading about all these invasions of privacy.

My parents, especially my Dad, very very big on trust and privacy.

I would feel very uneasy invading my own children's privacy.

If my mother could have read mine she would have. I wrote it in a random mix of Latin, French and German to foil any attempts. It was good for my vocabulary.....

Mum and Dad read my diary. Mum would also open letters. I still feel upset about it quarter of a century later.

My mother did for years. When I was 18 GP put me on the pill because of awful periods. I hid them inside a teddy on top of the wardrobe. Of course she found them, marches down to the GP threatening him with the police. He threw her out but told me when I went for a check up. I was mortified.

When we were married I bought a big filing cabinet with a key. Came home to find it bent, she'd tried to get in it.

My mum did and I hated it. So it’s partly why I’m such a private person now. She was doing this in my mid 20s too as I lived with her briefly while doing my postgrad study. She loved rifling through my stuff.

I didn’t have a great childhood and my diary was my way to get my feelings out. However, when I started writing it I was required to bring it to my mother every day for her to read through. So I just wrote about what I ate and did, and not my feelings.

I also had a daily school bag check, a daily desk check, and all my post was first opened by her and checked before she passed it on to me.

she would barge into my room without knocking and claimed it was her right to do so.

when I moved out, she went to the bank with a previous bank statement and asked for the latest copy, which they gave her. She then phoned me and asked me questions about it. She was open about it and felt it was her right.

when she visited my house she would go through my drawers and things while I was away eg if I had to tend to the baby. Or she would tell me she’s going to the loo but I would find her in another room.

We are NC.

I'm not sure. She told me not to leave it lying around (ie on the shelf be to my bed, as I trusted my family) as my sister might not be able to resist. I'm pretty sure she was talking about herself. I just stopped writing in it.

When I got my first mobile she liked to see the texts fly on to the screen. She then expected me to tell her what they all said and was unimpressed when I pointed out why my bf said to me would remain between us. Then again this was the person who refused to put a lock on the bathroom door and would just barge in when I was in the shower (with a clear glass screen). She'd then comment negatively on my body. Didn't even put a lock on when my sister's boyfriend walked in on me. I resorted to moving the furniture every time and then she'd complain she couldn't come in.