Did your parents read your childhood diaries?

[Oollliivviiaa]

My mum used to go through my things. She'd deny it of course. I still wonder what on earth she used to find so intetesting in a boring (generally good) teens bedroom.

She used to read my diary. I caught her once. She denied it even stood there with it in her hands. My Dad said she was just picking it up off the floor (I'd hidden it, she hadn't just found it). After that I kept writing in it but knowing she'd read it, I wrote boring stuff but also peppered with how much I hated her. I sort of feel bad now but equally I dont. If she had given me some privacy, I wouldnt have done it.

My son and I stayed the night recently. She went through our bags when when we out. My son accused me when his stuff had all been moved! I didnt see the point in making a fuss over it so I said that nana must have moved the bag to get to something in the room and accidently tipped it out. He believed me. What she expected to find I dont know.

I moved 200miles away for uni, never moved back and now live almost 300miles away. A huge part of moving away was privacy. She moans now that she doesnt see us.

Hi mum 👋

Seriously though, a diary is a person's private thoughts. Phone is their interaction with the world and how people are interacting with them.

Why?

I like to look at my sons' social media. I mean things like letterboxd and one of them has a music page. They aren't private but equally they haven't invited me on. I never comment on it.
I do it for a sense of connection. I like seeing what my boys are doing and enjoying.

All people are entitled to degree of privacy.

Some children can weaponise ‘privacy’ if something dangerous going on & in over head. Thinking of Jamie in Adolescence too..

If you do have serious concerns and read a diary etc you are then left with problem of how to broach with child without destroying trust.

Yes my mum did. I was very upset. It’s such an invasion of privacy. I have lots of my adult daughter’s things still here even though she’s left home. I would dream of invading her privacy in that way.

I’m not sure, they did go through some of my things but I don’t think so far as to read my diaries as I wrote a lot about self-harming/ suicidal thoughts/ my eating disorder etc and I think they would have said something even if it meant admitting to having read them.

I read my siblings diaries when we were teens which I do feel bad about now but didn’t feel so bad at the time, not as a one off either I checked them at least weekly for updates. I don’t think they read mine but again I suppose I couldn’t say for sure as expect they would say the same about theirs and are clueless I read them. I would never read someone else’s diary now!

It might depend on how old they are when they are given an Iphone.

That was one of the first episodes I ever saw!
In answer to OPs question, probably, my sister and my friend certainly did. I have never been even slightly tempted to read anyone's diary, I know full well that what is written there, if it is true at all, is the truth of what you are feeling in that moment not necessarily always, and like eavesdroppers, and Lucy in Narnia, diary readers are a/ unlikely to hear good about themselves and b/ likely to taint their relationship with the diary writer even if the writer never knows they read it.

Oh yes! Our phone was in the kitchen and whenever I was on the phone, without exception, the kitchen would suddenly need cleaning.

No, never.

In fact, they made a point of telling me they would never ever invade my privacy by reading a diary. I think DM might have had her sister read her diary when she was a teen and it was definitely a line she wasn't going to cross!

I think it is because I think most parents who go through a child’s phone do it with their knowledge (“you can have a phone but the condition is I get to check it”). And also the risk from the phone is higher, because they have access to the internet and it’s irresponsible to not monitor that access.

They have a right to privacy, though, and I think this thread shows that if parents can't be trusted with your privacy, then children are more likely to keep secrets and not share things.

Phones are a bit different in that they are used to communicate with other people and find things out in the wider world. Plus most phones are not given to children unless there is an understanding that they will be seen and checked by the parent. Most people do not start diaries that they expect others to see, unless there's a specific aim, like we once had to keep a holiday diary as homework. That obviously kept to things like, we went to the museum, we went on a walk, rather than, I saw this gorgeous boy - you write to your audience.

My mum never even pretended. She would "accidently" open all the letters. I got a pen pal and had them write to a friend's address (with her parents pernission) because I knew what she would do.

My brother works away and will sometimes get parcels sent to their address. He'll get messages like "you already have a black jumper, why do need another?" Or "you paid how much for this book? Why did you need to buy it from China?".

This has made me think about Anne Frank’s diary, arguably the most famous diary of all time..

A few volumes from teens onwards published. She gave her permission in diary itself I believe. Circumstances very different.

Me and my best friend developed a code so that nobody could read our diaries, we created a symbol for each letter of the alphabet.
Over time it became as natural to write and read the code so it was as quick as writing in English.
I'm now 50 and can still write in it.

No ,my parents would never have been so intrusive and I was never tempted to read my daughter’s diary . We were only laughing about that a few days ago because she was a stressy teenager at times,and I was too scared to look ,incase she was bitching about me !

This really resonates with me. I too loved writing but after having my diaries read out, my sister actively encouraged to find them and laugh at them, and my poetry ridiculed (I'm sure it was awful but I was only about 11!) I just stopped writing. I tell people I have no imagination for that sort of thing, but it's not true.

What strikes me is that all the mums who did this, now have adult children who keep them at arm's length... No surprise.

Those women I know with mothers who were on the controlling, tough side & didn’t mince words even to borderline fat shaming/‘is that a healthy choice’ in hectoring tone have happy, successful daughters…’Push hard when young as no ten year old will make the necessary but difficult choices & they’ll become self motivated teens’ etc.

The (too) soft ones however…I’d put myself in the latter category but sometimes doubt parenting due to what I observe above.

@AnnaBegins do write now, sounds like you have a talent.

Of course they can.

My daughter knows that I will sometimes check her phone. That was the agreement before she got it. Tbh the only time I have checked it was when I had a concern about something and we spoke about it afterwards. I think she now deletes everything so that backfired.

Yes, it was Anne's wish that it be published, sparked by hearing a radio broadcast talking about publishing wartime diaries. She edited the diaries with a view to publication, and also used pseudonyms for this reason. Her family knew this was her wish, so in publishing it her father was honouring her ambition to 'go on living after my death'.

Yes. My mother did, and also opened my post well into adulthood. She would hover by the kitchen door to listen to my conversations. Sad cow. She was like this with my siblings and would also follow them around the streets, hiding behind bushes.
I feel sorry for her as she doesn't understand why my siblings and I keep her at arms length, but it's too late to tell her and apologies can't change the past.
Once I realised she was reading my diary, I used it to my advantage. Would write that I'd stayed at a friend's house when really we'd been drunk in the woods all night.

Yes, absolutely. I wondered if anything was edited even so? Otto Frank’s interview on Blue Peter worth a watch, I have no idea how he maintained such quiet dignity in life & exercised forgiveness.

They have a right to privacy and a diary is somewhere to write personal thoughts and feelings. A phone is not that. A phone has other people with potential access to your child.
I have no issue with the police taking my diaries when I was an abused teen but I have major issue with my mum reading my diaries and opening my post and emails throughout my childhood and early adulthood.