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Original poster

People who are joyful and have it altogether - are you one of them?

82 replies

Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 19:59

Did you ever know anyone in real life who just seemed to really enjoy life and be able to live it fully, in the sense that they worked hard, had ambition but also were able to do things and have fun?

I feel like I'm not articulating this well at all but effectively people who just led fun wholesome lives...

I'm almost 40 and I've always found these people really inspiring. I absolutely can see they have stress in their lives - sometimes the normal like exams or work pressure or family issues and illnesses - but yet they still seem to just 'do' life if you see what I mean? The don't seem to endlessly procrastinate or scroll on social media. They're living their lives but not in a go go go, not stopping to look around type of way - they just seem to be living, like really living!

I think a lot of this has always come from having a mum who used to say life was all about working hard and passing exams, you could celebrate 'after' but after never really came. I remember a girl at university who worked hard, used to get stressed like we all did but would also do things like bake a cake and go out, and buy herself fruit to eat well and it sort of just blew my mind.

I almost obsessively love looking at people who love like that as it gives me some sort of comfort and reassurance and I also feel inspired to create my life in a similar way except I'm never quite sure how.

does this resonate with anyone - and if it is, do you do anything to create the same life? or are you one of those people and how do you do it/have your life together etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 20:43

Bump.

should also be all together in the title, not altogether.

OP posts:
CuddlesKovinsky · 13/06/2025 21:01

I think I know what you mean - the example you give sounds like someone with healthy self-worth - who sees life as manageable, even if it's hard sometimes, and understands the importance of self-care as a foundation... and all this at a sort of instinctive level that comes from having a secure upbringing, I guess? A general belief that life is generally meant to be nice and is within your scope.

I'm interested because I sometimes wonder, 'Now how would I act and react if I'd been brought up with these good qualities?'

Am I understanding you, or have I gone off on a tangent?!

Original poster
Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 22:04

Yes, I think that's right!

I think it's people who just have a good sense of how to live their lives and doing so with purpose and quite joyfully. I find it really interesting because I was very much brought up with the idea that 'joy' and doing fun things is separate - there's a separate space for that. It was really quite eye opening for me that people can have fun alongside doing quite hard things.

I'm also a huge procrastinator and not very organised - although I think on the surface people would think I'm high achieving, but it's all last minute and surrounded by a lot of chaos and anxiety.

OP posts:
Theredjellybean · 13/06/2025 22:23

Yes...I'm.one of those people.
Lots of energy, never see anything negative, cheerful, have full life filled with things I enjoy.
Good healthy self worth, but not self important.
Achieved great career.
Etc etc....probably insufferable to outsiders...😀

Yassnass134 · 13/06/2025 22:39

I resonate with this. It's about being content with life and seeing the good in the bad,.

I work as a resident doctor so I have a stressful job but I don't feel the stress of it. It's okay if I pass exams or not and I just go with the flow. I work 60percent and am currently working on a small voluntary business for mums. I really enjoy life and love spending time caring for people.

I've been on this "zen" as my friends would say for the past 20 year and I hope it stays that way!

MayaPinion · 13/06/2025 22:54

I am joyful, but in no way do I have my shit together. I don’t really care though. Life is for living, not worrying that you don’t have your shit together.

TeenLifeMum · 13/06/2025 22:56

I think this was me in my 30s. Sadly it all changed at 41 and 2 years later I’m battered and bruised.

i have a busy and stressful job but i thrive on that. But some things take the shit we had together and throws it in the fan. Cancer has his my family hard but I’m taking it a day at a time.

CountFucula · 13/06/2025 22:57

I know this is bandwagon stuff … but the way you describe yourself has lots of ADHD traits - not least the procrastination, feeling of being unable to start and life being out of reach. Have you considered that at all?

EggandStress · 13/06/2025 23:03

This is a great thread @Figleavesdown really interesting. I do understand what you mean and I find those sort of people inspiring too , although I can’t replicate that attitude myself.

I used to work with a lovely Danish woman who was like you describe. She had several children and a busy job but always had time to enjoy life, make bread, grow vegetables. She’d certainly had sadness in her life, but had sort of incorporated that to make her who she was.

FineSFine · 13/06/2025 23:03

Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 19:59

Did you ever know anyone in real life who just seemed to really enjoy life and be able to live it fully, in the sense that they worked hard, had ambition but also were able to do things and have fun?

I feel like I'm not articulating this well at all but effectively people who just led fun wholesome lives...

I'm almost 40 and I've always found these people really inspiring. I absolutely can see they have stress in their lives - sometimes the normal like exams or work pressure or family issues and illnesses - but yet they still seem to just 'do' life if you see what I mean? The don't seem to endlessly procrastinate or scroll on social media. They're living their lives but not in a go go go, not stopping to look around type of way - they just seem to be living, like really living!

I think a lot of this has always come from having a mum who used to say life was all about working hard and passing exams, you could celebrate 'after' but after never really came. I remember a girl at university who worked hard, used to get stressed like we all did but would also do things like bake a cake and go out, and buy herself fruit to eat well and it sort of just blew my mind.

I almost obsessively love looking at people who love like that as it gives me some sort of comfort and reassurance and I also feel inspired to create my life in a similar way except I'm never quite sure how.

does this resonate with anyone - and if it is, do you do anything to create the same life? or are you one of those people and how do you do it/have your life together etc?

The person who baked cakes and enjoyed nice fruit, was she form a different culture? I find mediterranean and some Asian culture have more joie de vivre.

.

Fernleigh22 · 13/06/2025 23:07

Once I learnt to "be done" my life was a lot easier and more time for joy.

If I've had a stress at work, a fallout with someone, etc I don't overthink it, wait for apologies, give time to it. I just "be done" and move on.

It's simplified as "not mad, not bothered, just done."

Arealnumber · 13/06/2025 23:07

Personally I’ve recently come upon the realisation that Catholics across my life have fitted this profile. I’m not Catholic myself but Catholics respect for life & all that is life giving seems to imbue them with a deep sense of connectedness and joy, whatever their circumstances. I wouldn’t say career achievement is part of that - much more so positive relationships within their families and friendships.

LettingyougoMovingOn · 13/06/2025 23:11

Im pretty good at finding joy every day. I had a serious long term illness and since then I've been really good at finding joy in the ordinary - a hor cup of tea, walking the dog, speaking to friends. I really enjoy people though so that helps.

Original poster
Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 23:14

FineSFine · 13/06/2025 23:03

The person who baked cakes and enjoyed nice fruit, was she form a different culture? I find mediterranean and some Asian culture have more joie de vivre.

.

Show quote history

Funnily enough she was. She was from Singapore. However there was another girl in our year who was also very similar and she was English.

I remember again one day she decided to make herself a pair of curtains for her student room to make it prettier and her mum helped her and I loved it! I never would have thought to do that and my mum would have just said that’s pointless, it’s just a student room, concentrate on your work etc. that’s the difference in attitudes we were surrounded by. Anyway she inspired me and so I went and made a pair of curtains and it brought me great joy and really changed the feel of the room.

OP posts:
ImagineHarder · 13/06/2025 23:14

Arealnumber · 13/06/2025 23:07

Personally I’ve recently come upon the realisation that Catholics across my life have fitted this profile. I’m not Catholic myself but Catholics respect for life & all that is life giving seems to imbue them with a deep sense of connectedness and joy, whatever their circumstances. I wouldn’t say career achievement is part of that - much more so positive relationships within their families and friendships.

As an Irish cradle Catholic, brought up in a devoutly a Catholic household, in a country that was virtually a Catholic theocracy, I can absolutely assure you that this is not true as any kind of general rule!

Original poster
Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 23:15

EggandStress · 13/06/2025 23:03

This is a great thread @Figleavesdown really interesting. I do understand what you mean and I find those sort of people inspiring too , although I can’t replicate that attitude myself.

I used to work with a lovely Danish woman who was like you describe. She had several children and a busy job but always had time to enjoy life, make bread, grow vegetables. She’d certainly had sadness in her life, but had sort of incorporated that to make her who she was.

This is exactly what I mean!!!

OP posts:
SoftPillow · 13/06/2025 23:17

I think I might appear like this outwardly. I have a beautiful home, lovely life, great job, lots of friends, interesting hobbies, can make jolly small talk to strangers, appear interesting and happy.

Inwardly though, aren’t we all working through our own issues. You can’t judge what someone might be hiding.

in my case I’m filled with self doubt, secretly lonely, have had previous suicide attempts, suffered sexual abuse and difficult mental health. You’d never know, and I am happy with my lovely life, but nothing is perfect is it.

Original poster
Figleavesdown · 13/06/2025 23:19

CountFucula · 13/06/2025 22:57

I know this is bandwagon stuff … but the way you describe yourself has lots of ADHD traits - not least the procrastination, feeling of being unable to start and life being out of reach. Have you considered that at all?

Edited

Ah you know, I see what you’re saying and maybe but at the same time for me personally I just don’t know if I would find it helpful to attach a label to it. I think a lot of it is more to do with environment and nurture and mirroring patterns and attitudes you’ve been imbued with.

I’m very much a doing person so I like to have goals and targets and to achieve but there is also something about merging that attitude to work to one’s home life too. I think it’s really just throwing one’s self into life and really enjoying it and doing it and finding fun things to do.

I did grow up very poor and still am not well off and I think that does probably play a large part in hampering my freedom and motivation to just be who I want to be - but then again isn’t that true of us all, mainly!

OP posts:
buttercupcake · 13/06/2025 23:21

I have a friend like this. She is so positive and always sees the sunny side of every situation, but not in a toxic positivity kind of way. She’s got so much energy and get up and go, and has a real zest for life. Always organising fun things to do, always has a project she’s excited about. She’s had some really shitty things happen to her over the years but never seems to get bogged down by anything. She’s an absolute joy to be around and such an inspiration because I’m basically the opposite 😂

HeddaGarbled · 13/06/2025 23:23

Yes, I’m one. My H was getting himself in a temper this evening because the internet was dropping out, and I was thinking “it’s been a beautiful day, it’s Friday, Gardeners’ World’s on, you’re daft to let something so trivial spoil your evening”. I do roll my eyes at those people who don’t seem to appreciate their mostly rather nice lives.

Silsatrip · 13/06/2025 23:28

I work with someone like that...he's just really positive, great energy. Takes so much in his stride.

I'm working on it. Some days I set an intention in the morning to just enjoy my day. Not let grumpy colleagues drag me down. Not get annoyed when my family leave a mess - just get them to come and tidy. Not go home and complain about 1 bad thing when 10 good things happened.

Haappy · 13/06/2025 23:28

It’s difficult to describe how to do this as it comes naturally to me, but life is going to pass us by no matter what, so I might as well enjoy it and look on the bright side. Maybe it boils down to what you believe is the point of life? I think it’s to have a lovely time and as many experiences and adventures as possible. So I treat myself really well and do stuff!

MagpieCastle · 14/06/2025 06:14

Maybe it's something that comes a bit more naturally as you go through life? I guess I'm more able to do it now than when I was younger because I care much less about other people's approval than I did back then. I also stopped listening to any inner voice whispering that I constantly need to do/achieve more.

It comes down to sense that you, and your efforts, are enough. You do your best and if it works out well then great and if it doesn't you'll have the resilience and capability to deal with what life chucks at you, that somehow all will be well. It doesn't mean you don't experience stress or tough stuff, just a realisation that treating life as one long 'to do' list or focussing on things that haven't yet happened will steal contentment in the present moment. Most of all it comes down to finding joy and pleasure in the smaller things in life and allowing yourself to stop, notice and appreciate those moments. You don't need to have everything in life sorted or defer the good bits till 'after' - it's possible to get into the habit of building them into the fabric of everyday life.

Meadowfinch · 14/06/2025 06:31

Doesn't everyone do that? Buy fruit and bake cakes.

I think a general optimism that everything will be ok is a good place to start. It means I worry about less stuff.

And seeing opportunities. Like a few mornings ago I woke up at 3am, couldn't sleep so at 5am I gave up and went for a run. Don't normally have time before work, but it was lovely. Cool, quiet, loads of wildlife about.

The week before when my car was off the road, I discovered that I can cycle to work without having to cycle in traffic at all. It took about 30 mins via farm tracks and a tow path. I arrived at work positively buzzing. During the summer holidays I shall be able to cycle in on fine days.

@MagpieCastle is right. It's about building nice things in to every day routine rather than focusing totally on work, stressing about every tiny detail, getting home exhausted and having nothing left for yourself.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 14/06/2025 07:12

Isn't it just finding something good in every day?

I popped out the other day as I was struggling to concentrate on work. Went for a walk and saw a deer which made me happy (absolutely love wildlife), he stayed long enough for me to get close enough for a photo.

I was woken up at 3 30 this morning by the cat wanting to go out, went back to bed for an hour, now the other cat is outside and I'm sat enjoying the peace and quiet of the garden before I go for a shower.

I also bake, it's very therapeutic I find.

I don't have much money these days (who does) but there's always something to be grateful of. There's also lots of things that don't cost a thing, a walk, sitting on a bench watching the world go by.

I've had my fair share of shit but as Monty Python once said, always look on the bright side of life.