People who are joyful and have it altogether - are you one of them?

[Figleavesdown]

Did you ever know anyone in real life who just seemed to really enjoy life and be able to live it fully, in the sense that they worked hard, had ambition but also were able to do things and have fun?

I feel like I'm not articulating this well at all but effectively people who just led fun wholesome lives...

I'm almost 40 and I've always found these people really inspiring. I absolutely can see they have stress in their lives - sometimes the normal like exams or work pressure or family issues and illnesses - but yet they still seem to just 'do' life if you see what I mean? The don't seem to endlessly procrastinate or scroll on social media. They're living their lives but not in a go go go, not stopping to look around type of way - they just seem to be living, like really living!

I think a lot of this has always come from having a mum who used to say life was all about working hard and passing exams, you could celebrate 'after' but after never really came. I remember a girl at university who worked hard, used to get stressed like we all did but would also do things like bake a cake and go out, and buy herself fruit to eat well and it sort of just blew my mind.

I almost obsessively love looking at people who love like that as it gives me some sort of comfort and reassurance and I also feel inspired to create my life in a similar way except I'm never quite sure how.

does this resonate with anyone - and if it is, do you do anything to create the same life? or are you one of those people and how do you do it/have your life together etc?

My 30s were absolutely awful, and then I got divorced & I still, on some level, have that sense of amazed delight that things are so much better now.

I can get a sense of joy just from coming into my flat or stretching out in my bed, or waking up on a Saturday morning & deciding to go to the local cafe for brunch & then for a long walk. And I definitely see trying out healthy new recipes & going to the gym as practicing self care.

Hmmm... I have elements of this, I think. I can sometimes have periods of work-related stress or anxiety about specific things, but I'm generally an optimist (about the world, about people and about where my life is going). I've been fairly fortunate in life, which helps, and I have pretty modest expectations (not very driven or ambitious). I also tend to like change, which is a useful attitude I guess!

What was your upbringing like? I suspect it’s to do with parental attitudes. If your own parents knew how to have fun , didnt take things too seriously and were copers, that has a massive effect on the outlook of children. Cheerful, positive and outgoing . If your parents had issues like depression or anxiety or didn’t model good coping mechanisms, it is heard to learn this later in life.

I absolutely do understand you. My mum is like this. She has had hard times in her life, but she is one of life's survivors. She is always ready with a laugh, she feels her emotions and isn't afraid to show them in an appropriate ways. She enjoys what she does. She finds fun in everything. There's an element of childlike fun in her. I love it.

She has had significant health issues but they don't hold her back. I remember when my brother was going through a bad phase with drugs and he left home, leaving only a note (which I found). I was broken and pretty useless tbh honest but I'll never forget her strength when she got home from work and found out.

I wouldnt feel bad you are not like this....I'm not like this either and I had it modelled to me.

I'm working on it though. I do feel my previous career was not the right one for me....prinary school teacher. I absolutely LOVED it but for me, it took far too much from me (and I let it.....for 18 years) and made me rather serious and stressed more of the time than I'd like. In many ways, the job became my identity and it defined me. I think when that starts to happen, it is never going to let tou maintain that carefree element that defines the type of person you are talking about.

I’m having treatment for a health issue at the moment. The receptionist at the place I’m attending is just amazing. I have never met anyone like her. She fills the waiting room with joy and positivity . She talks to all the clients personally, remembers their names , takes a personal interest. She talks about her weekends which are amazing. Each weekend she takes off for an adventure . She clinbs mountains ( alone with her dogs), goes wild swimming, just all sorts of amazing things. She exudes positivity and joy. She looks about ten years younger and really looks after herself. She’s mid fifties . I actually love going there just to talk to her. Everyone just lights up around her. I wish I could be like that.

I think I might be one of those people. I like to think I get it from my dad. He's always out and about, keeping himself entertained and living life to the fullest.

Part of it for me is living somewhere inspiring. I live in a national park and I'm always itching to get out and explore and be in nature. I love exercise and eating really well, so spend a lot of time on meal prep, which I enjoy and don't find a chore.

I have a great career, which I'm trying to take it easy with for a bit now I'm in my early 40s.

I also had a mum who made the entire focus of my upbringing my education. She also was overly careful with money and is still to this day, to the point of livinig a bit miserably unnecessarily. I've 'rebelled' a bit, in the most vanilla way possible, and definitely have more of a 'let's squeeze every ounce of joy out of this day' mentality.

I might be this person. I‘m described as easy and laidback and I’m aware that I don’t really have any problems. Life is not a slog at all. I do look a lot of my friends and wonder why they seem so miserable all the time and why don’t they change things.

I am definitely one of these people and so is my SIL. We get on extremely well as a result!

My enthusiasm for life is my appreciation of the beauty that is life, even in the darkest urban corners it can be seen. I feel lucky to wake up every day, maybe it comes from the fact I nearly died when I was seventeen, so every day feels like a bonus, a gift.

I have some great friends, a rewarding career, and I can make a home out of a cardboard box (although I don’t need to thankfully) I treat people with great respect and mostly receive that back.

I have my difficulties, set backs, disappointments and health issues and I just don’t care really. I am still happy to be here.

The quickest route to finding this yourself op is to spend some time getting to know who you are, what makes your heart sing, how can your days be elevated from ordinary to extraordinary?

I think I am, but it has only come in later life (mid 40s onwards). For me it has come through joining lots of things and interacting with people. I’m always busy and always have more things I want to do than time to do them.

My Mum is like this. It’s inspiring and I know I’m lucky to have grown up around her.
She is always positive, sees the joy in everything and seems to have just one mood!
Even during sad times she’s positive, always laughing etc
She hasn’t had it easy in some ways but you’d never know and she seems to glide through tough times with ease (but always looking after the rest of us!)
We all adore her!

I totally get this OP. I unfortunately am not one of those people. Have gone through phases where I’ve wished I were. In reality I’m way more like you describe yourself. I don’t know how to get into a better mindset. I often feel like I’m not living the life that I should be. My upbringing was tricky. Definitely not a sense of joy. My poor mother had had a really bad time and I think was quite tortured and unhappy. Consequently I think I’m always waiting for the next problem. I want to find some way to train myself out of this. Maybe meditation. Definitely getting out in nature more. I wonder if these joyful , zen people have young children? Probably some. They’re probably being the lovely, kind patient mum that I wish I was! Thanks for the thread; OP, and to all who’ve replied with their joy-filled ways! I shall ponder upon this, seek to be less grumpy and forgive myself when I fail. Hopefully!.

How lovely 😊 I want to be like this for my children. I’m just being curious, but what does she say if you ask her about this attitude. I’d love to know what she’s thinking!

I think I’m more prone to see the positive but I also think it’s related to my faith and general outlook on life. I go through down times (like everyone) but I’m fairly often told that I’m ’always cheerful’. It’s not a fake positivity - I’d just generally prefer to look for hope rather than get stuck in the alternative.

The only downside is that people ring me just so I can ‘cheer them up’. I don’t mind although some weeks, there can be several calls like that and I then have to try to not absorb it.

I also have a busy, stressful job and if I feel under a lot of pressure I usually chat it through with someone more like me and I quickly get my perspective back.

I think I'm like that, although some things have thrown curved balls at me (mostly being widowed which was extremely rough). However I do enjoy life and feel lucky in many ways.
I think it comes down to different factors, and maybe the most important one is how you're wired - probably genetic? Add to that your upbringing. I had a slightly puritan work ethic growing up but my parents were loving and could be good fun.
I think the joyful people (me!) may need to work at it times too, especially if 'stuff happens'. Things like joy in the simple things, fake it until you make it, mindful practice if you feel a bit overwhelmed. Time for friends and family but especially time for you - doing things you enjoy and self care.

I don't think getting a diagnosis is only about attaching a label to ourselves - it's accessing treatment, medication, therapy, a mindset, tools and techniques that make your life so, so much better ❤️

I think this is probably me. I had an ex tell me he found it annoying that I was always happy and positive and never had grumpy, impatient, crappy days (we didn't last very long!).

I wouldn't say I'm an optimist but I'm very much a "when life gives you lemons" person. I frequently (as in most days) think about what I'm grateful for and what I'm most looking forward to. I spend a lot of time thinking about what makes me happy (as in really, deep down) and try to build more of that in my life. I set three goals I want to achieve each year - a work-related one, a fun one and a self-improvement-type one.

However, typing all of this out I think the biggest thing is actually just having a strong sense of self-worth and a belief that your life, your happiness, your day is important. If you're not going to advocate for yourself then who will.

Really interesting topic OP. I am not like that, but as I get older and try and find a more sustainable way to deal with the demands of life I am really interested in how to live more like that. I was brought up to work hard and achieve, always striving for the next goal. Now I am trying to take micro moments to enjoy life every day and to find peace where I am right now. Instead of thinking that I will rest or stop to enjoy life when some future goal is attained I will try to do it every day in some small way. It's a huge mindset shift for me and I am undoing a way of thinking that's been with me my whole life but bit by bit I am changing and it's so refreshing.

Im a joyful person have absolute belief life will always be ok and try to get all the joy laughter and happiness from every situation. Ibdont live with shoulds I am not a wild people pleaser and just enjoy my life. If there's something I dintike or enjoy I change it. I believe I am master of my destiny and my feelings.

Curious re your comment on passing exams (especially as a doctor) do you mean that you don't consider failing to be a disaster just a temporary set back? I'm curious as I spent most of my life thinking successful people ( good jobs, education, relationships etc) never failed or encountered rejection, heartbreak or setbacks. I'm older and wiser now and realise we all do but it's how we deal with setbacks that can shape a life. I find it all fascinating how much attitude matters in life 🙂

I have had periods of life where it's been uninterrupted joy. It's not been continuous though but episodic. I do however seem to have a deep unconscious view that the best is yet to come which means I can pull myself up out of setbacks fairly easily and I genuinely don't worry about anything out of my control. I've known a few people over the years that bound through life like friendly golden retrievers happy with everything. The one thing they have in common is very stable upbringings that have instilled good basic self confidence and self esteem.

I’m like you and things have got worse since perimenopause. I’m actually being assessed for adhd now as things have never been right

@Absolutenonsense she is totally unaware of how she is I’d say? I’ve never really asked her, I suppose I should really!
Her own mum was the same, she died very young but somehow my mum has always been positive.
She just wakes up happy and is always laughing at something (often herself!)
My adult dc would probably say I’m similar but I don’t think I’m quite like my mum!

I think I’m like and know my sister is even more so. She is relentlessly positive. Eg when she had three small kids and say they had a camping holiday and it rained all the time she’d only tell you about the good bits and laugh off the rain. Every holiday she has is the best one yet. She fits a lot of extra curriculars into her life. I’ve begun to do that as my kids have come out of the small age bracket. But I think you have to squeeze in things that make YOU happy and not what you think you should be doing based on everyone else. I like baking so eg one weekend when my mother in law was staying I made a cake, meringues, biscuits and a loaf of bread. She expressed surprise I had the time as a working mother but if it’s something you really want to do as part of your life you make time. If I really enjoyed lying on the sofa and reading I’d trying and squeeze that in instead.

My dh.

I was brought up very much like you op to get the hard stuff out of the way first, and postpone enjoyment.

DH works hard, so that he can afford nice things and live well. Now. It’s not something that comes naturally to me; I have to practice it.

Ha, no, i am very far from being like this myself, although I think I know the type you mean and also find it inspiring, provided it's genuine and not forced.

I wasn't raised this way (very far from it) and can be negative/anxious with a supremely dark sense of humour.

I had a tough childhood, mixed 20s, lovely 30s but everything went tits up in my 40s and has continued. I have things I can feel positive about and many things that I think im entitled to feel negatively about tbf.

Endless negativity is pointless but relentless positivity can also be very tedious (to me).