Ideas of hell (lighthearted)

[lilacao]

Lighthearted thread, prompted by trying to return a dress with no returns form. If there is no returns slip included, it tells you to contact customer care. This puts you on an email/text/whatsapp automated loop where you’re sent a standard response about how to return a dress, which you’ve already explained has stated you need to contact customer care if there wasn’t a return form, who then ask for all the details again, who then send a cut and paste, who then say will contact you as unexpected volumes of people contacting them, who then contact you etc etc. Driving me insane.

Some other things:
— lengthy hold times where you go through endless options, each leading to more hold times and no answers

•as above, but someone answers and gives you another number to call. Process above repeated. Extra points if direct you back to first number

•stuck in a traffic jam, especially if need the toilet

•kids homework / last minute dress up requests from school that involve procuring stuff online or trekking round shops at the last minute

• a loop of icebreaker exercises

•the fight for 8am call to doctors. Bring back some pre-bookables 🙏

•stuck with the person who takes ten hours to tell a five minute story.

What are some things that are your idea of hell?

Coldplay on a loop.

People phoning me to "chat". Two hours later I've lost the will to live and feel deeply resentful
My mother giving me a running commentary when I'm in exactly the same place as She is and can actually see it.
Next door drilling yet again
Social media influencers trying to convince us they really do love Temu bedspreads
People stopping dead in the supermarket

Speaking to anyone at all, before I’ve had my morning coffee.

Public transport filled with people thinking they’re in their own home so playing their devices loudly, feet up on seats, getting drunk, shouting etc.

Work colleagues who keep talking long after you’ve got their point and you want them to move on.
People who call you on teams without messaging first to ask if you’ve got 5 mins in the rare slots between team’s meetings when you actually have some time to get things done.
People who big themselves up constantly and drop into the conversation how x very senior leader thinks they are amazing etc!
People who spend all their time networking and taking on prestigious projects but never respond or engage on things that are actually their job.

Corporate train booking system which makes you choose split tickets so you end up getting kicked out of your seat halfway through your journey and then have to kick someone else out of their seat for the other half. And having to wait for the train that goes through the random split ticket destination despite the next 3 trains going to your destination.

Mine actually happened.

Being taken as a work 'forced fun'/team building exercise to see Coldplay at Wembley. It took me two hours to get there too, from the other side of London.

Thankfully the drinks were all on expenses so I got through with a LOT of prosecco.

@Ofchris I HATE people calling on Teams without messaging first. Especially when they just leave it ringing for ten minutes or more if I don't answer.

Particularly as I WFH and would like the chance to at least brush my hair and put a smartish top on over my pyjamas before facing a video call 🤣

This made me laugh. I used to be a pro singer but I now flatly refuse to do karaoke because the songs are usually in a ridiculous key or the beat is really weird. People will egg me on ‘you can sing…go on…do it’ and I then end up sounding like a strangled cat.

@sunnycurtainsmy rule is always “if you’re drunk enough to do karaoke then you’re too drunk for karaoke” - it’s saved me a lot of times over the years. My current workplace does a Christmas Chinese buffet (lunchtime) and karaoke and oh my, it is indeed hell on earth. A very select group of people actually enjoy it and virtually everyone else despises it. It’s such an odd choice

I've only done karaoke once. It was a work thing when I was a trainee at a law firm and the partner who was my manager (a good thirty years older than me) grabbed me and forced me to sit on his knee (in front of all the other trainees 🙈) and sing Sonny and Cher 'I got you babe' and Tom Jones 'sex bomb' together with his arms around my waist. At the time I was trying to make a good impression as I wanted to be retained on qualification. Plus I had far less confidence at that age.

Would not happen now! God I'd actually blocked that memory 🤣 but yes, that was hell.

The dress thing is still. going. on. This morning I had a question from an advisor about whether it’s still in original packaging. I say yes. I ask to confirm what I’m asking. I then get a message saying it appears I’m asking about packaging etc etc. I then go through the can you tell me what question from customer care you’re asking for so we can assist you better. It feels like some warped online Groundhog Day.

I was trying to package and return several dresses on Tuesday evening to drop off on Wednesday. It is now Friday afternoon. I have no idea if the outer packaging is the same, but haven’t said that. It’s a sodding dress - they all come in plastic delivery bags.

FFS. I’ve now received this in response to me cutting and pasting the question I was asked.
“You’re very welcome! If you have any other questions, feel free to ask.”

I’m going to silently ponder which option will be more hassle and expense to sort

a) sending sodding dress back

b) repairing phone when I throw it against the wall in response to this circular loop of hell

Why didn't you decline? Surely you could find some reason.

‘Unexpected item in bagging area’

Fuck. Off.

Yes!!! Along with no available bags, the opening the exit with your receipt, the too small packing area especially if bought bulky things like multipacks of cans/ bottles or toilet rolls. They should have an option to reset the weight and remove paid/bagged items.

Cruise holidays.

Small talk.

People that talk slowly. Actually, probably people that talk at normal speed too. I wish real life had a 2x button.

Passwords - needing to create an account for everything, my tech never remembering passwords despite me always asking it to.

Queuing. For anything.

Anywhere really hot.

Bowling.

Car parking apps.

Really busy, crowded places with lots of chatter and noise.

Making plans in the short to mid term.

Saturday night TV - BGT, IACGMOOH, Gladiators, the fucking WHEEL. I will accept Strictly, but on catch up so I can fast forward through the flannel.

Anyone else putting their head on my pillow.

Anyone touching my face.

Reform voters/supporters.

The couple/family that latches on to you on the first night of your holiday and never let you eat alone or have a solo drink at night again during your stay.

I could go on, forever...

Really busy car parks, or even worse no car park at all.

Phone calls.

Bare feet in a puddle of someone else's water in the swimming pool changing rooms.

Any sort of designer shopping village.

Liquorice.

Make up, other than mascara.

Creamy shit like moisturiser and hand cream.

Windchimes.

Forgot to say reality TV

Cos I was early 20s, in my first professional job and trying to make a good impression! If it was offered now I'd say no for sure

Oh and talc 🤮

A I recognition. My telephone banking doesn't understand me when.i.say yes😂

Car breaking down on your way to work when you need the loo.

People who have discovered something as in the latest craze weight loss obsession, giving up wine for a month, becoming a vegan anything where they can't stop talking about it

Being on a hot, crowded bus having to listen to other people’s music/conversations/videos because seemingly NOBODY is capable of wearing headphones any more or waiting until they get home. I don’t get it. When did it become acceptable to create so much personal noise pollution?

I think the enforced Coldplay concert wins though. God, the horror.

Anywhere busy and crowded, but especially pop concerts.

Huggers who say "I'm a hugger, me!" and then envelop you with their person without stopping first to see if you want their bosom smooshed up against you.

People who witter on about astrology and homeopathic remedies, especially when combined with the above hugging gene.