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Ideas of hell (lighthearted)

134 replies

lilacao · 12/06/2025 09:21

Lighthearted thread, prompted by trying to return a dress with no returns form. If there is no returns slip included, it tells you to contact customer care. This puts you on an email/text/whatsapp automated loop where you’re sent a standard response about how to return a dress, which you’ve already explained has stated you need to contact customer care if there wasn’t a return form, who then ask for all the details again, who then send a cut and paste, who then say will contact you as unexpected volumes of people contacting them, who then contact you etc etc. Driving me insane.

Some other things:
— lengthy hold times where you go through endless options, each leading to more hold times and no answers

•as above, but someone answers and gives you another number to call. Process above repeated. Extra points if direct you back to first number

•stuck in a traffic jam, especially if need the toilet

•kids homework / last minute dress up requests from school that involve procuring stuff online or trekking round shops at the last minute

• a loop of icebreaker exercises

•the fight for 8am call to doctors. Bring back some pre-bookables 🙏

•stuck with the person who takes ten hours to tell a five minute story.

What are some things that are your idea of hell?

OP posts:
theyoungishman · 12/06/2025 14:53

Crowds
Sci Fi movies
Theme parks
Bottomless brunches
Camping

TheGrimSmile · 12/06/2025 14:54

Dubai

Nowheretobeseen · 12/06/2025 14:57

Camping
Making phone calls
Busy shops
as someone else said - Dubai

BarmyFotheringay · 12/06/2025 15:17

Influencers
Hen/stag dos/gender reveal dos
AI holidays
Spa days
Karaoke

Viviennemary · 12/06/2025 15:23

Camping in a tent

Going on a caravan holiday - madness

Being 99th in a phone queue with music playing

Absolutely team building events and fish eating your toes.

Andoutcomethewolves · 12/06/2025 15:33

Planesmistakenforstars · 12/06/2025 10:43

A fancy dress yoga party at a vegan spa retreat.

My sister (overseas) lives right next to a vegan yoga retreat that also does 'ecstatic dance', 'intimate touch therapy' and laughing therapy complete with gongs. No fancy dress but as it's generally hot there they're all doing their ecstatic dance and performative laughing outside in basically underwear/swimwear. Thankfully they seem to keep the intimate touch therapy (which I can only assume is wanking each other off) inside.

I haven't personally witnessed it (yet... I'm visiting this summer) but that sounds like my idea of hell 🤣

I would agree with ice breakers OP. Soooo painful. I used to have stock answers (lies) for the inevitable 'tell us something interesting about you!' type questions. Thankfully I don't seem to have had them so much as I've progressed in my career!

Also musicals. I went to see the Book of Mormon thinking if anything might change my mind this would be it. Nope. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Oh and I would hate a cruise. In fact @Buxusmortus your entire list!

SillyMillie90 · 12/06/2025 15:37

I just thought of another one!

Looking forward all year to Summer and sitting in your garden relaxing with a book only for every bugger to be out strimming, mowing or hammering nails into some wood. Not that I have that issue today 🤣

Dogs, kids, even low music drifting over doesn’t bother me but there’s something about the sound of a strimmer or someone constantly hammering or drilling that makes me irriationally angry!

Be lovely if we had a day a week where garden DIY is banned 🫢

NeedthatFridayfeeling · 12/06/2025 15:38

Disneyland
Festivals
Any camping
Ice breakers
Small focus groups where it will be noticed if i don't input
Butlins/Haven/Pontins/Center Parcs
Communal changing rooms
Long drizzly grey days
Sport - other than watching my daughters gymnastics class, i like that
Most Kids TV (other than Bluey, love Bluey)
Hosting - my husband likes get togethers at Halloween/Christmas but i don't enjoy checking on all the food/worrying do we have enough food plus the tidying up and washing up afterwards, our friends aren't messy but when the 6 kids are there it can be!

Cillaere · 12/06/2025 15:45
  • Being at a football match
  • being at a musical
  • walking in high heels
  • sitting in a restaurant with a large, uncouth loud group adjacent
  • a lot of things others have already said
  • being near someone with periodontitis
SodOffbacktoaibu · 12/06/2025 15:56

BarmyFotheringay · 12/06/2025 15:17

Influencers
Hen/stag dos/gender reveal dos
AI holidays
Spa days
Karaoke

God yes .. absolutely hen nights. Thank god I'm too old for the gender reveal bollocks.

It's anything influenced by shallow tik Tok and influencer nonsense I cannot abide.

Andoutcomethewolves · 12/06/2025 16:33

SodOffbacktoaibu · 12/06/2025 15:56

God yes .. absolutely hen nights. Thank god I'm too old for the gender reveal bollocks.

It's anything influenced by shallow tik Tok and influencer nonsense I cannot abide.

I've only ever been to one stereotypical hen do (two nights in a crappy hotel in Bournemouth, cocktails drunk through penis straws, male strippers, clubbing etc etc). I did it for the experience but it's never going to be repeated! Thankfully other friends who've had hen dos I've attended have done more unusual things like camping, hiking, festivals - all stuff I'd do anyway! But yeah the whole male stripper/penis straws/clubbing/ karaoke thing is definitely my idea of hell!

Pricelessadvice · 12/06/2025 16:35

Baby showers.
Make up tutorials.

Rogerstreasures · 12/06/2025 16:55

Decoupaged shite
Crafting, or cutting up crap and sticking it together again.
Hen parties.
Shell pictures.
The idea of going on a cruise.

People who stand chatting in the supermarket aisle.
Celebs who’s only claim to fame was auditioning for X Factor or some such drivel pontificating on foreign political situations etc, suddenly they’re experts.

Fusedspur · 12/06/2025 17:06

People who swim in ponds. 🐀

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 12/06/2025 17:07

I'm in a hot conference room with no aircon. I'm itchy, need a wee and can't get to the toilet as I'm sitting at the back on a plastic chair.

The only snacks are seafood, and free form jazz is playing in the background.

The speaker's topic is 'The Olympics and who i think will win next time'.

Allseeingallknowing · 12/06/2025 17:08

Anything to do with football
Noisy places where you have to shout to be heard
Public toilets
Love Island

loveyoutothemoonandtosaturn · 12/06/2025 17:11

Break out rooms.

JohnTheRevelator · 12/06/2025 17:13

Anything where someone says 'It will be FUN!'. Team building exercises. And the words guaranteed to strike fear into my heart - rail replacement bus service.

Gowlett · 12/06/2025 17:21

Andoutcomethewolves · 12/06/2025 15:33

My sister (overseas) lives right next to a vegan yoga retreat that also does 'ecstatic dance', 'intimate touch therapy' and laughing therapy complete with gongs. No fancy dress but as it's generally hot there they're all doing their ecstatic dance and performative laughing outside in basically underwear/swimwear. Thankfully they seem to keep the intimate touch therapy (which I can only assume is wanking each other off) inside.

I haven't personally witnessed it (yet... I'm visiting this summer) but that sounds like my idea of hell 🤣

I would agree with ice breakers OP. Soooo painful. I used to have stock answers (lies) for the inevitable 'tell us something interesting about you!' type questions. Thankfully I don't seem to have had them so much as I've progressed in my career!

Also musicals. I went to see the Book of Mormon thinking if anything might change my mind this would be it. Nope. I couldn't wait to get out of there.

Oh and I would hate a cruise. In fact @Buxusmortus your entire list!

Sign me up! Sounds amazing. Where’s my MC Hammer pants?

Judiezones · 12/06/2025 17:24

My SIL telling me how great she is
My cousin's husband being "funny"
Spending an hour with either is hell.
(They'd probably say me, because I don't listen properly)

Dragonfly97 · 12/06/2025 17:41

Party bus 🥺

HarrietBond · 12/06/2025 17:46

I'm in a windowless function room at 2pm, after a 'working lunch' of dry ham sandwiches.

A presenter at the front, with an annoying voice and a weird habit of saying 'um, yes' every six words is reading their densely written PowerPoint slides out word for word, adding nothing to what is on the page. The subject is internal governance processes.

For a lower level of hell, the PowerPoints have lots of typos and spelling errors, and multiple fonts on each slide.

mybrainpills · 12/06/2025 17:50

My hell would be.

Having a baby in my 40s.
Having to live with a man.
Having to deal with schools.
Having a dog.
Listening to anyone blaming SEN for all there childs behaviour.
And many more.

sunnycurtains · 12/06/2025 17:55
  1. IKEA
  2. People who use the phrase, ‘in no way, shape, fashion or form’. I get the heebie jeebies when people say that!
  3. Also, random whistling. Bloke in supermarket tonight was walking round doing this whistling through his teeth thing, probably thinking he was being all cheerful. Just STOP IT.
lilacao · 12/06/2025 17:56

Sorry, I’ve been guilty of the dream one! My husband put me straight!

OP posts:
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