Do You Friends That Have Never Invited You To Their Home?

[RabbitsRock]

It’s such an odd thing but I realised today that I have quite a few friends where I have either only been to their house once or twice over several years of knowing them or never even stepped into the entrance hall! One friend I go to the cinema with, also out for meals with others & occasionally dog walking, has never even had me just inside her front door. With another good friend who I met when DD16 was at primary school, I haven’t even seen her house!

Why do you care?

Absolutely. People don't invite each other to their homes any more. They meet at cafes or restaurants. I'd say that's changed in the last two or three decades, and I don't really understand it. My childhood home had my parents friends in and out all the time, and when I had my kids in the late 80s my group of mum friends used to take turns to host coffee at our houses, while the children played together.

I find it really odd to see groups of mums meeting in Costa while their kids are confined to their pushchairs and high chairs.

Even my closest friends of my age seem to prefer to meet for a pub lunch, than go to each others houses for a coffee and a chat. The only friends whose houses I regularly see, and that see mine, are those that live far enough away that we visit each other for a couple of days.

I'd say they were acquantances rather than friends.

Oh please

When I was younger it was always the thing to go for coffee or an evening chat round at friends' houses. Now we go to coffee shops. I have 4 very close friends and I'm never in their houses or vice versa, unless it's to pick them up to go somewhere.

Yes. I have a group of 5 friends including me. Of those, three of us will host a get together over a takeaway or similar. One of them, I have been inside but not to sit and chat, just into the hall. The other one doesn't even like you to knock on her door, she prefers to meet at the end of the road.

I too would think that it's odd if a friend doesn't invite me into her house sometimes.

I think it's because, as PP have said, people are much more inclined to meet out now instead, day or evening.

When my DC were little, we rotated meeting at each others' homes, DC were happy but mainly because it was much cheaper!

Yes, but there are all sorts of reasons and none of them is a problem. Sometimes it's because we have known each other for years but moved longer distances from one another so will meet in the middle somewhere. Others it's because their house is small and we tend to meet in groups and just wouldn't fit. Or if we did fit that would take over their living room and leave the rest of the family nowhere to sit. Or that we want to be able to talk about our older DCs without them overhearing. When the DCs were little we did tend to meet at each others houses, but we met during the working day when the DHs were all out at work, now our DCs are grown and everyone works themselves we tend to meet at a pub in the evening or for brunch at the weekend, still normally without the DHs.

Oh behave.

Yes, most of my friends are people I meet up with. Occasionally, couple friends invite us to their house for dinner and we reciprocate. It's not my favourite thing, I would much rather go out with friends.

I think the other thing is that there are fare more options for meeting outside the home than there were even 20 years ago when my DCs were tiny, there was one greasy spoon cafe in our town and the pubs weren't very welcoming. Now there are coffee shops galore, all the local garden centres have nice cafes, pubs are much more places for meeting for coffee and lunch than they used to be and it's a nice thing to do.

Yes. Years ago, when the DCs were at school, we used to regularly invite parent friends to BBQs, cheese-and-wine parties ( remember those?) and stuff like that.
A large number of those people never invited us back, despite being otherwise friendly.
We now have a few friends whose homes we have never been to, but we make exceptions for them because we like them.

I work from home and like to get out of the house to meet people!

That said, I have one set of friends that we do rotate hosting (book club).

I did have a friend like this, and it made feel like second tier friend so I ghosted her.

My bestie and I always meet out for coffee/ lunch. It started because I was sick of being in my house due to WFH, I just wanted to be out where there were other people and this has carried on.
I prefer to meet not in ppl homes I don't want my dog jumping on guests, older kids around etc just to focus on friends.

Yes I have quite a few friends who haven't ever invited me over. One has a very reactivate dog so I assume they keep the home free from strangers for her, the other lives with two house mates who aren't the best so I assume she'd prefer to be elsewhere. Another is very private. We see each other 4 times a week but never at her house and I've not invited her to mine because I don't want her to feel pressure to reciprocate.

How often are they in your house?

I hate being invited to someone’s house, much prefer to meet somewhere else as it’s usually easier logistically. My mum & her friends would meet at each other houses when I was growing up but they all lived close by and most of them didn’t work. My friends are much more spread out but we mostly work in the same city so to meet there is a good compromise.

i have a few friends whose homes I’ve never set foot in. I think it’s weird but then read multiple threads on here of people who won’t open the door to anyone without 30 days notice… so maybe I’m the weird one?

Some people have dogs who are knobheads, antisocial family members or are a bit ashamed of their cat clawed couches / ripped wallpaper.

mi casa is su casa - the dog is an absolute knobhead and I make that clear to anyone who visits us. I prefer to be out than imposing in someone’s home if I’m honest.

Yes, but I think it's subcultural 🤔 I can't think of a better way to put it. It depends on the "subculture" you're part of, by which I don't mean whether you're from a certain ethnicity or country, nor whether you're a goth/ punk/ hippie/ hipster. It depends whether you still live where you grew up or moved away for work, it might depend on age a bit too, it depends whether your friends live within a fairly small geographic area and on the "circles" you move in, for a want of a better way to explain it.

I go into the next city to meet friends mostly, and the friends live scattered around the city and outskirts over quite an area. We meet at cafes, restaurants, theatre, cinema etc. and the houses of a couple of friends because they are easy for us all to get to and have space, but very few have been to my house because it's really awkwardly located and needs a car to get to. Others have small flats and partners working from home/ who don't go out much and kids at home (combining to make them less inclined to host) or are also awkwardly located.

We have lived in our small close for 25 years and have Christmas drinks inviting all the neighbours every 2 to 3 years. One couple always come and I've never set foot in their house

People are very interior design conscious and young children create a lot of mess. Because of this I only allow very close friends to visit. I would feel too nervous to invite any new friends round because my house is far from perfect. I think if people were less judgy of each other it would be better for everyone.

This was my experience when I lived in London but mainly it was due to distance and often we would meet up after work and then go our separate ways. I have since moved back home to Sweden and here me and my friends often go around to each others houses. It was the same when I lived in Paris.

I've found this since lockdown. There are people whose houses I've visited previously that just don't do it anymore and even more sadly people don't seem to want to visit us. Probably because they are worried that they'll be expected to reciprocate, I wouldn't even mind being the only one that hosted.