Do You Friends That Have Never Invited You To Their Home?

[RabbitsRock]

It’s such an odd thing but I realised today that I have quite a few friends where I have either only been to their house once or twice over several years of knowing them or never even stepped into the entrance hall! One friend I go to the cinema with, also out for meals with others & occasionally dog walking, has never even had me just inside her front door. With another good friend who I met when DD16 was at primary school, I haven’t even seen her house!

Yes!

We have one particular couple who we are good friends with. They definitely enjoy seeing us and jump at a chance to get together. Not only is it always me who initiates, but we've had them over dozens of times - for dinner, bbqs, drinks - and we've not ONCE been invited to theirs. We've stopped inviting them altogether now. We still meet up occassionally, but in a bar or restaurant.

The woman of the couple always does this woe-is-me act of "I wish my home was this nice, my home could never be this tidy etc etc". Her home is roughly the same as ours, and is lovely. And I do sometimes want to snap "You do know you could just...tidy up....if it bothers you that much!"

Really interesting range of reasons. It has definitely changed since I had small children - in fact it changed as they grew and as the venues available outside the home became more available.

I think houses are smaller so harder to 'entertain' guests, people are scared by Insta images of perfect houses so feel theirs is not 'up to scratch' and also where people have spent a lot of money on their house, they are not keen on people and their children/animals trashing it (which in my experience they do).

One friend, have known her for 20 years but her partner has quite severe MH issues so her house is just off limits. She always comes to my house.

We tended to be the hosting friends a bit more because I like hosting and the layout of our house is great for hosting. Big kitchen diner through double doors in to a conservatory that’s an extra room then doors and an outside seating area that you can sit about 10 people round.

@Icebreakhell same here lots of hosting when children were small but now it’s more restaurant meet-ups.

All of mine.
No big deal- they’re always there for me

I have friends whose house I’ve never been in, we don’t need to be in each others homes as we meet in town for a catch up.

ive another friend whose rarely in my home as she has dogs and it’s easier for me to visit her.

Thank you for your post. It has made me realise I want to invite people more often. Apart from family in the last year we have only had one couple over for lunch, they invited themselves, and a handful of people for coffee/tea. We used to have people over far more often …

A cousin. Going back over 30 years, they pop in unannounced every so often.
i always manage to put some sort of a meal together.
It’s an hour each way for them.
Not once have we been invited there. I’m not one to pop in.

I think houses are smaller so harder to 'entertain' guests

I doubt that anyone's house is smaller than a Costa table and a tiny area between it and the next table. Yet a bunch of mums, toddlers and prams seem to manage.

I don't think houses are smaller, but I definitely agree the Insta perfect houses is off-putting to most.
I still love to have people at home, it's by far my most comfortable environment, no driving needed, it's cheap to eat and drink & I can hear better!

My problem is that a lot of eating out is really disappointing for how much money you spend. I'd love a small get together where everyone brings some food.

I am that friend. I’ve been living in a semi-renovated wreck since 2020, and the kitchen is a camp kitchen, in a room too small to have a table in, while food has to be carried down two halls to the nearest table which is plonked in the middle of a living room. So the only time I’ve entertained has been in good weather in summer when we can eat in the garden. We’re finally about to knock down a wall and build a kitchen we can eat in, so will make up for lost time.

Most people ghost. You are making a jibe at most people.

Another thing I just thought of - do people who host often tend to get in there first? Or insist that people come to theirs?

Just thinking of one of my groups of friends - when we first met we'd pretty much go to each others houses in rotation, then we ended up going to one or two more often, generally because that person was quite insistent, even though I would offer. It then got to the point when I stopped offering to host.