Most batshit thing you did with your PFB

[Eastie77Returns]

Chatting to friends today about the funniest/craziest/omg what was I thinking things we did with our firstborn DC.

When DD was a few months old she fell out of a small ‘smart’ baby swing that gently rocked her and played music. It was a very small fall onto carpeted floor and she didn’t even cry. I screamed in panic and took her to A&E. But before leaving I took a video of the smart swing so the doctors could see exactly how it rotated and I measured the distance from the floor to the rocker so they had that crucially important information as well. At the hospital I think I asked more than once if she needed a brain scan and huffed and puffed when the nurse gently said no😭 No-one was interested in watching the video either!

😂

Not a baby but in reception DD1 got headlice. I panicked kept her off school washed all the bedding in bleach ,rang the doctor who I told what I had done and he said "Mrs N, I think you're over reacting, it's very common for young children to have headlice from school , just go to the chemist."
I honestly didn't know anyone who had ever had them.🙄

I used to sit in the back of the car on journeys as a family of 3 while my husband drove so she could see my face and know I was there rather than not see me in the passenger seat and I made myself into some seriously mad acrobatic positions so I could breastfeed her in transit rather than her cry and grizzle until the next stop 😂

Whatsapped my husband which boob I was breastfeeding from and how long for months... I don't know why I whatsapped instead of putting it in notes bit I did.

This was during lockdown and he was wfh too, think lockdown made me extra batty. 😅😆

...I also peeled grapes.

@Nextdoormat nits have only started to bother me recently. DD, my not so pfb as she's the youngest. She brings them home regularly and we have all the kit. She deals with them herself now. She's 27 and a secondary school teacher . Makes me itch every time.

You nana. In the nicest possible way!

That was absolutely a good thing to do, not batsh*t at all. Grapes are the third most common cause of death in food-related accidents in under 6's. Huge choking hazard! For little ones or big grapes you want to slice them lengthways into 4 quarters, rather than 2 halves.
I have started choking on a grape before as an adult, it was a bloody awful experience 😭. So I cut them in half now before I eat them.

Refused to allow the blind to be lifted in the hospital room after she was born in case it hurt her eyes. Woke her up to be fed and have her nappy changed … even if she was fast asleep 🤦🏼‍♀️😂 cried buckets when a passing drunk burst the ‘It’s a Girl’ balloon tied to our front gate… oh the list goes on 😂

Sorry @Blibbleflibble but the WhatsApp screenshots have really made me laugh!! I think it’s the apparent endlessness of the thread and the fact that there are no replies. Just thinking what he could have replied- ‘Jolly good, dear.’ ‘Keep it up!’ ‘A little more Right needed, methinks’ 😂😂

Oh and we moved our mattress onto the floor once she was 6 months old and not taking to her cot after a few weeks and banished dad to the spare room and let her sleep with me…… for a long time…..not saying it was wrong but……

Beautiful thread but what a shame we've lost the laughter emojis

This 1 is brilliant 😂😂

yes that’s it! I think it was a male Dick/Dirk something like that?

I would say very sensible.

I didn’t do this with 1st born and he pretty much whacked his head on every corner that I thought he couldn’t reach. Once he dived under a coffee table to grab a balloon, smacked his head in to the corner and ended up with stitches in his forehead.

The whacking his head carried on as he suddenly grew from 5’5 to 6’5 during covid lockdown aged 14!

Mine are 30 and 27 and I'm enjoying this thread so much. Not a PFB thing but I had just settled down to feed dd when DH came home, and bent over to kiss me just as I was getting ready to latch. Milk squirted just missing his eye. We both cracked up.

Grantley Dick-Read comes up when I google but think he was the natural childbirth advocate so maybe it was someone else’s book

Gina Ford!

I did freak out that my dogs would bring in germs so I used to wipe their feet before they could come in the house. my house isn't even a clean house, I don't know what I was freaking out for, but the dogs started waiting at the back door to get their feet checked 😆

I did exactly the same, I even used different colour pens for fruit and vegetable ones 😂

The first time we bathed DD we stripped her off and we had this top and tail bath (massive waste of money) so sort of held her over it and washed her down then heard this noise and she peed all over the carpet.

I rang 111 because her temperature was low and id heard that was a sign of sepsis. The 111 doctor suggested I put another layer of clothing on her and see if she warmed up. She did indeed warm up.

😅😆

My PFB was born with a few health issues. We were told to keep an eye on his fluid intake/output.

They didnt expect me to show up at the next appointment with my laptop and a PowerPoint presentation of all PFB BF, wet nappies, wet nappies with soiling removed and therefore approximate weight. Weight of soiled nappies.
% of wet nappies to mins of BF.
Charts, excel sheets, pivot tables.

I also brought an over inflated number of print outs in beautiful folders incase any other doctors needed to see my breakdown (both definitions) of my childs urinary, bowel and feeding habits.

I had an app that I recorded every feed (which boob and for how long baby fed), every nappy change, every sleep... I did this religiously for about three months, comparing my records to a week by week baby development book to make sure she was doing ok. Totally stressed myself out with it all.

I'm also a nurse. Not ICU but used to work in surgical HDU...

I visited a friend in hospital after one of her births, she was in a bay of 6 beds and quietly told me to watch the young couple opposite, she was trying to encourage him to hold their new born and he looked terrified! My friend said You wouldn't believe he's in bomb disposal, would you?!

If you kept the Power Point, it would be one for his 18th birthday or wedding reception! BTW, that isn't a serious suggestion, in case the anti-humour squadron is still up.