Why do grandparents do this?

[LettingyougoMovingOn]

Constantly talk about their other grandchildren to the grandchildren who have come to visit.

This can include endless stories about the grandchild whose parents have decided to never see us (that one is very uncomfortable) or the grandchildren we're not related to so have never met (grandparents met late in life so too late to 'blend' families) , or the grandchildren we see regularly so get lots of news about..

I don't understand. Does everyone do this?
My dc tells them she's done well at school or met a friend. They reply that grandchild x,y or z has done better, different subject, also got a friend or totally unrelated story about grandchild b..

We all get on and it's a mild amusement and fascination ather than an annoying but why? Is it just both sets of ours?

I think that grandparents, especially in bigger families, become a sort of conduit for all family information. And because the family are important to them, they assume you’ll want to hear all this info.

And no doubt what your DC is telling them will go into another update with other members of the family.

But it would obviously be nicer if they just engaged with your DC when they’re standing there in front of them!

I find the you haven't met them because it's too late in life a bit odd, surely there's always room to meet new people? Maybe the grandparents would like to have everyone together and telling stories is the way they chip away at that boundary, maybe they tell lots of stories about your DC to their other grandchildren.

I really couldn't get het up about this unless it was a constant put down in favour of the other children.

Oh Johnathan has his piano recital next week, oh that's so lovely I bet he's excited, granddaughter Jenny had hers a couple of weeks ago. Susan has just taken up horseriding, oh she's ever so brave must be something with our grandchildren! Grandson Lucas is learning to be a stunt motorcyclist etc etc (all fine chitchat to me)

Is it just both sets of ours?
Neither my parents or PIL do this so I can't say if it's common or not but certainly not my experience.

DH’s dad does this. Literally the first time he met newborn DD he’s like ‘cousin is AMAZING, he’s really clever, he can already do XYZ’….. I literally have no idea why. I can guarantee he doesn’t do it about our kids to them though 😆

They're trying to relate

Ours don't much but we all spend time together, there aren't bits of the family we have no contact with

My dad is usually in transmit. Often talks about the other GC but also his friends and neighbours. It can get boring and repetitive. I say that I think we’ve heard before and move things on.

They're trying to relate.
It's reasonable to think that kids will be interested to hear about other kids.
See it less as comparison and more about finding common ground.
It's a bit like two dog owners coming together and talking about their dogs to each other as common ground.

My grandma when she was alive used to be the fountain of gossip as such. So when ever anyone went to see her, she'd have an update on the whole family (and there's alot of us, 11 children, 30+ grandchildren and upwards of 20 great grandchildren) we'd spend at least 45 minutes having an update over a cuppa and then sharing your own updates to be shared 🤣

Thankfully dad and his siblings are fairly close so keep eachother in the loop in a sibling group chat as well as our annual Christmas get together

My MIL does this a lot. In our case I always thought it was a way of trying to keep me in my place by making it clear that my children are inferior to her own daughter's.(I'm a different nationality and religion.) But I recently discovered that my SIL gets the same messages in reverse and she has always thought it was because my DH is the golden child so obviously his children are superior. So who knows, it's very strange.
When she speaks to the children directly I think it is perhaps just because she doesn't know what to talk to them about and thinks they are probably more interested in their cousins than other things she might talk about.

Is that not just normal chit chat?

Lord i thought it was just us!

MIL drones on endlessly about her DDs 3 sons while never commenting on her other 3 grandkids. I don't know weather she talks about our kids a lot - but i would be surprised as she won't know much. She's too busy talking about the golden grand kids to ask about any one else 🙄

Oh, my DP do this too. They come and tell my DC all the gifts they bought for my DN's and all of the day trips they've taken them on. They tell us how well they're doing and what career aspirations they have. They have never asked my Dc how they are getting on at school or what they want to do when they're older. DC2 told them about a tournament her team had won, DM cut in with something about the neighbours dog. My DC don't usually bother to come to speak to them any more as "there's no point, they don't listen to us anyway."

Tbh though, it's followed a generation down. It was always about how well GoldenChild was doing and what they'd achieved when I was young - nothing has changed!

Perhaps it is just as well that grandparents do tell kids about other relatives, because when they don't, this sort of thing happens...

At a big family gathering I was sitting with one young relative, aged about 6. He pointed to another young lad of much the same age and the conversation with me went like this:
"Who is that boy?"
"He's your cousin"
"What's a cousin?"
"His daddy and your daddy are brothers, so that makes you cousins"
"Oh. What's his name?"

My in-laws do this and it’s really bloody annoying. My mum doesn’t though,

Wish I knew the answer. My daughter is currently sitting her a levels and working really hard. Talking to her grandma and puzzling over one of the questions and grandma replied, "X is just about to sit their SATs, they have been very stressed".

We get this from MIL, first it was charming, then amusing but in the long term absolutely a wedge between the cousins.
So a typical conversation would be
MIL -to Amy aged 12 " what's your favourite Subject"
Amy - Maths
MIL interrupts - "Tess aged 10 is very good at maths, she's on the top table at school, she's had to get special work sheets"
FIL looks up " oh yes, you should talk to Tess, she's very good at maths if you need any help"

Turns out poor Tess isn't particularly good at anything academic but was least bad at maths. These multiple conversations about the other six also distinctly average grand children cover sport, art, charity fund raising, there is not a topic that my kids can raise without a grown up interrupting.
We call it Boast Battle and discuss it on the way home.

My parents don’t do this because my DC only have one cousins on my side and she is an adult and lives with my parents so it’s a bit different but MIL has recently become like this since her other son had a child who is just a baby (so not much news to tell) but it has become all she now talks to my DC about, my 9 year old can pretend to be interested but the 12 year old is just on screensaver mode. They will just get sick of it and stop wanting to visit soon and I won’t force them because my own Grandmother was like this with my cousins and it was really annoying.

I remember being happy mil was taking an interest in DS asking what his favourite show was and discussing his favourite toy I thought she was asking for ideas for Christmas so I told him a few things she later said to ds dad that she was going to get him the item she then showed us said item Christmas day he opens a generic toy not the item she showed us we were puzzled his dad was cross (because we were going to get him this toy if she wasn't and it was something out of stock now) turns out she actually bought the toy for her step grandchild who she had never met born from a stepchild she hadn't raised and had met twice they lived in a different country so she didn't know what he liked (they rarely spoke) but he was important enough to get this toy for...not her own grandchild though

Thing is it wasn't even a popular show and unlikely to be something the other grandchild would have watched!

Had I known I would have googled popular shows in there country and helped her find a gift

The mental gymnastics they went through to not leave this child they never met out was insanity (this happened a lot)

I used to tell PIL about DS1 and 2 and FIL would refer to SIL Dc and say ‘oh ours do that!’ Ours!!?

Golden boy has the most amazing children don’t you know? That’s what it is in my family’s their favourite child who has their favourite grandkids.

My parents never do this. I've got a few complaints about how my parents treated me and sisters but when it comes to the grandkids.. hats of to my parents they have this natural nack of knowing exactly what to say to all the kids and treat all 6 grandkids exactly the same and they all get celebrated the same in contrast to my inlaws who dont celebrate my kids and constantly compare to the grandkids that live with them. Everything the other kids do is bigger and better.. mine can't even get to the end of their sentences... hence (amongst many many other reasons ) we don't like the inlaws.

I presume they just love their family, and are sharing that.

My MIL does this, “our kids” referring to SIL’s kids, it used to drive me potty (now LC with her). She’d constantly give SIL’s kids childcare, gifts, lifts, meals out etc. She never even asks about our kids.

Strange but true my kids grandma didn't keep toys for her grandchildren in her house she DID keep dog treats for her other sons dog and toys for him

One of the ladies on the street (had an alcohol problem and could be feisty) took around a bag of toys and told her she should be ashamed 😂 ex mil spent no end of time gossipy about her issues and what she did to get the police called this time turns out she too was the talk of the streets