Why do grandparents do this?

[LettingyougoMovingOn]

Constantly talk about their other grandchildren to the grandchildren who have come to visit.

This can include endless stories about the grandchild whose parents have decided to never see us (that one is very uncomfortable) or the grandchildren we're not related to so have never met (grandparents met late in life so too late to 'blend' families) , or the grandchildren we see regularly so get lots of news about..

I don't understand. Does everyone do this?
My dc tells them she's done well at school or met a friend. They reply that grandchild x,y or z has done better, different subject, also got a friend or totally unrelated story about grandchild b..

We all get on and it's a mild amusement and fascination ather than an annoying but why? Is it just both sets of ours?

ExMIL never stopped going on about one particular family of grandchildren (well, two out of three of them - she had her clear favourites). The sun shone forth out of these golden children's rear ends; they were gifted at everything they put their hands to, and well ahead of everyone else in their schools academically, as well as far more advanced than any of their cousins, the other grandchildren. Imagine my surprise when I found out my own DCs were all doing more rigorous courses in school, and getting much better grades too. Another cousin ended up doing a branch of engineering that is extremely hard to get into (a cousin exMIL confidently predicted would come to nothing). The ignored third child of the family was mercifully allowed to fly under the radar, her intelligence unacknowledged, and did far better than either of her siblings.

Both my GMs did this.

With one, both my parents and I were well aware that I was not the golden grandchild and it was just a way of putting us in our box. It did not help bonding with my cousins, it actively deterred it.

The other one did it a bit but mainly in a language I didn't understand. She also made a massive effort when we were visiting as she didn't see us often so I never really got jealous except of the cousin who effortlessly looked like a future supermodel

Growing up, our cousins were the golden grandchildren to our maternal grandparents. Everything we did, they had done better, first etc.

We weren't close to our cousins, and hadn't seen them in decades. When my sister had her first baby she invited our mum and grandma over to meet him. Unannounced they also bought along golden grandchild cousin Natalie and her 6month old baby. Well Natalies baby was more advanced, photoed better, looked healthier.

It was so bad Natalie even apologized and said she had no idea that her being there was a surprise.

This.

My children's grandad once said to them 'I am cousin x and y's grandad and I'm your great uncle'. Er no love, you're not.

It was a running joke that my grandma went through the entire family’s names including her dead dog’s before remembering what I was called, and I was there every week. Unlike her other grandchild who she never saw. I’d just answer to Tessa (dead dog).

I really wonder about the reasons behind this. I can relate btw.

theory 1: they kinda can’t always tell the difference between the DGCs (and possibly even DCs) so the topic is just in the right zone

theory 2: lack of other topics of conversation, but they love their family (in theory anyway) so DGC chat prevails

theory 3: they talk indiscriminately about the DGCs to everyone, including friends, strangers, checkout lady, so that includes their own DCS

theory 4: they actually do prefer the other set of DGCs hence the mentionitis

My dad does this and it frustrates me. I’ll say something about my DD and his response is either silence or about my niece - he never responds to what I’ve said about my DD. He’ll visit for 3 days, not engage with my DD and only talk about my niece

I grew up with a grandparent like this and is still like this, our relationship lacks as adults as I know I wasn’t anywhere near as important as the chosen grandchildren

Bit random but I wonder if some have this idealistic image of a big interconnected family that isn't reflected in reality. It could be like that phenomenon where you visit your parents and they talk endlessly about people who you haven't seen in years or maybe don't even know.

They wish that the people that they are close to were closer to each other. Some people prefer people as a group rather than as individuals that don't associate with each other.

My MIL does this, but the funniest part is my DH is an only child, so she tries to brag to us about our own children, who we know infinitely better than her, as she see’s them on average once every 6 weeks and the oldest 2 don’t like her especially! (Teens) the youngest hasn’t yet learned, she’s to be tolerated at best! 😂 I’ve come to the conclusion that’s she’s a very proud grandmother, but not good with children?!

I had two sets of grandparents growing up. One took huge interest in each and every one of their grandchildren’s lives, knew what each was up to (there are 14 of us), and supported us all with childcare, lifts to hobbies, spending quality time. The other were exactly as you describe. I remember as a child telling them things that I had done that I was proud of or whatever, and they would instantly turn it onto another of their grandchildren. It look me a long time to realise that they did this to all of us, and they often spoke proudly about me to my cousins. I don’t think it’s the best way of doing things, but ultimately they loved us all!

You don't know the family circumstances. If you did, you'd get it. 🙂

Maybe she does? But with others about your children 😆

Your short post hits the nail on the head. That’s it, that’s what it’s all about! I can imagine my FIL slipping and saying that one day.

At my Dad’s funeral the other day, a my Mum’s cousin’s wife came over to talk to me/mum/brother and FIL was at the same table. Cousin’s wife started saying how lovely my children are and FIL jumped in straight away, shoehorning in some drivel about his granddaughters. Unbelievable. There wasn’t any natural segue at all, just pure shoehorning.

you will find grandparents will tell the other children all about how wonderful your children are, and they’ll be just as miffed!

Mine are the only grandchildren on both sides but I do remember my grandma doing this. It used to annoy my mum!

My MIL would go on and on about people my DH might have vaguely known at school who were still living in the same small goldfish bowl in the local area. She'd tell us how successful they were, how they'd won some local award, produce cuttings from the local paper etc. etc. She completely disregarded my DH's very successful career, his interesting life and his hard work.

I was staying with one DGM a few years ago, a young cousin and her boyfriend dropped.
My DGM started at length talking about two other cousins long list of achievements at which young cousin said to me ' Boy I really know I come from the stupid side of the family when I come here'
I leant in and said 'everyone is of equal value L**You are of value'

At this point my DGM caught my eye and changed the subject.