One or two hotel rooms for dd when DH's snoring will keep her awake all night

[Noshadelamp]

My DH has surprised my dd (20) with tickets to a musician she's wanted to see for years. DH is driving them to the city and has booked a twin bed hotel room for the night, the same arrangement he has when he takes ds to an event.

However DH snores terribly, like a steam train, ear plugs don't help at all and I sleep in a separate room.

I know dd is grateful for the tickets and trip, but I feel bad for her as I'm sure she won't sleep, even with ear plugs.
She can't afford to pay for a separate room herself.

I'm thinking of paying a separate room for dd but not sure if I'm overreacting.
We don't have loads of money and it will be a push to pay for two rooms but I honestly think it's not fair to dd otherwise.

DH seems to think it's fine for one night but he's not the one who won't sleep!

I can almost guarantee DD won't sleep, I know I wouldn't and me and dh always stay in Airbnbs with two bedrooms.

So what would you do as me or what would you think if you were the dd?

Agreed. I can’t believe you are sleeping in a bathtub. Your DH needs to sort his snoring out and stop impositioning you.

I happily shared with my Dad when we went away (usually skiing) at that age (younger & older. Only stopped when he died)

@Noshadelamp is a push to pay for 2 rooms. Don't do it, it won't kill her to have a rubbish sleep for one night! You might book 2 rooms, & her neighbour be noisy She's young. She'll cope!

I happily shared with my Dad. He was a snorer too!

I have a similar one - snoozeband brand. You can just play white noise (but it's a very short loop so it drives me batty) or connect it via Bluetooth to your phone with a 1, 2 or 3 hour timer to turn it off or if you just connect it the alarm will sound separately but the battery might run out.

It's one thing to be out partying until dawn with your friends.

Quite another to lay in the dark all night listening to your dad snore.

Have you tried sleep apnea pillows?

Out of interest, why have you mentioned a couple of times this room arrangement would be fine for ds? Why do you assume the snoring would bother dd more than ds (I get the gender thing, but your OP seemed focussed more on the snoring being the issue).

You have obviously never shred a room with a loud snorer.

Do you worry about your son sleeping when they share a room? Do you ever book a 2nd room for him?

She’s 20 years old and it’s one night, I really wouldn’t waste money! At that age I bet she’s done plenty of all nighters!

I went to an event with my eldest DS (26) last Saturday, and we stayed in a twin room.

We had a fantastic evening together, lots of fun and chat.

Got back to the Hotel room around 11pm, and I fell asleep before him at around midnight.
I woke up 45 minutes later to the most horrendous snoring I have ever heard! Seriously, I can't describe how awful it was - snoring, snorting, and waiting a few seconds before the next explosion.

I lay awake the entire night, actually worrying that other guests might be hearing it too.

I told him at breakfast the next morning that he needs to see his GP, and soon.

Unfortunately, it overshadowed what was otherwise a lovely time.

DH is a silent sleeper, and I had no idea how bad it was to share a room with a loud snorer.

For one night I'd take ear plugs and a dose of Nytol and hope to sleep through it.

Haha, this is my trick that I’ve been suggesting on here for a few years now. Definitely works!

No. WTF. No one should be sleeping in the bath! Why is that okay with your husband? And why do you accept it?

So many questions.

Well it's that or pay for 2 rooms, which is expensive and also slightly awkward if it's your anniversary celebration!

I do think it's me that can't sleep so it's me that needs to find a solution. However, we do 'share' the bath stint so I usually get him in there from 5ish whilst I get the bed. Can only manage one night like this. I think going forward it will need to be Airbnb 2 bedrooms but I do like a nice, cooked hotel breakfast and spa facilities.

What ??

This is genuinely outrageous.

Well it's that or pay for 2 rooms, which is expensive and also slightly awkward if it's your anniversary celebration!

I suppose. But I can't say I would be in a very celebratory or romantic mood if I'd spent half the night in a hotel bath trying to sleep.

I was waiting for someone else to mention this, as it was my first thought. Why is it ok for your son to put up with the snoring, but totally unacceptable for your DD to do it for one night? The OP wasn't focused on gender issues regarding sharing at all, only about the snoring.

I don't know about anyone else but I never sleep well away from my own bed, so a separate room would be wasted if your daughter is anything like me. I may as well share with a snorer if I'm staying at a hotel for the night, as I'm sure as hell not sleeping anyway.

OP, I'm glad it's resolved now but he sounds utterly selfish. He's not even trying to get help.

As for the poster who sleeps in the bath… That's one of the saddest things I've read on here.

Maybe the DS isn’t bothered by the snoring and sleeps through it. Maybe he’s too young to be in a separate room so there’s no choice but to share a room.

I see that a second room is booked, but for others dealing with snoring, I also endorse the sleep headband. I'm a side sleeper, I'll add an earplug on the non-pillow side if I'm trying to sleep during a particularly loud part of the snoring cycle.

I've been sleeping with these for years. It started because I would prefer sleeping with the TV on, but my husband doesn't like it. The other bonus is it's had rather a Pavlov's dog effect in that I can easily sleep almost anywhere now (as long as the bed isn't too uncomfortable.) It used to take me a night or two to adjust to sleeping somewhere different, but even when I feel wide awake and think I won't sleep, I usually drop right off. I'm stream Frasier into mine, so on the off chance it does take me longer, I'm entertained in the meantime!

As for the poster who sleeps in the bath… That's one of the saddest things I've read on here.

😂
In the immortal words of Mumsnet, "How old are you?" @healthybychristmas. I've been on MN for 20 years and I've probably read sadder things than that in the past day, let alone the past 20 years.

How does your DS sleep and what does he think? Is his sleep less important that your DD? Or is it also about having to share cross gender?

To answer the questions about ds, he isn't bothered by DH's snoring, he also snores but falls asleep very quickly and soundly so isn't woken or affected.

I know I felt a bit uncertain to raise this all with DH and was annoyed about that, because of the difficult conversations we've had about it over the years (as if I'm being dramatic etc) but once I did raise it he booked the second room.

@PrincessOfPreschool I completely understand where you're coming from, but one thing I wish is that I made more of a big deal about how DH's snoring affects me years ago.
I wish I had prioritised myself, and asserted my need for sleep as a basic human right.
And not avoided conversations and instead became ill from lack of sleep just so I didn't "upset" DH because I thought like you, it's my problem.

But it's not fair, they are keeping us awake and need to take responsibility for that.

So now at home I sleep in the spare room which I've made into "my" room, and we pay extra for bigger Airbnbs, and go out for breakfasts. It's the snore tax and they should be paying it!