One or two hotel rooms for dd when DH's snoring will keep her awake all night

[Noshadelamp]

My DH has surprised my dd (20) with tickets to a musician she's wanted to see for years. DH is driving them to the city and has booked a twin bed hotel room for the night, the same arrangement he has when he takes ds to an event.

However DH snores terribly, like a steam train, ear plugs don't help at all and I sleep in a separate room.

I know dd is grateful for the tickets and trip, but I feel bad for her as I'm sure she won't sleep, even with ear plugs.
She can't afford to pay for a separate room herself.

I'm thinking of paying a separate room for dd but not sure if I'm overreacting.
We don't have loads of money and it will be a push to pay for two rooms but I honestly think it's not fair to dd otherwise.

DH seems to think it's fine for one night but he's not the one who won't sleep!

I can almost guarantee DD won't sleep, I know I wouldn't and me and dh always stay in Airbnbs with two bedrooms.

So what would you do as me or what would you think if you were the dd?

The thing is, there’s a difference between staying awake all night because you’re busy doing something you love, and trying to sleep being being forced to stay awake because of someone’s snoring,

I once had to share a hotel room with my ds when he was 16 (delayed flight). It felt really weird. As a result I wouldn't ever ask any of our adult children to share a room with either of us.
I would definitely book the 2nd room.

I had an ex like this and when staying in a hotel room i tried to sleep in the shower. When I told him the next day he got in a mood.

It really pisses me off when partners not only refuse to acknowledge the effect its having on others and try to get help, but they act like everyone is in the wrong!

Its disgusting behaviour. Just because they get their sleep they think everyone else is making a big deal over nothing.

Being unable to sleep is a form of torture. If any partner of mine now got angry with me for trying to ensure I had a good night's sleep I would leave them. How dare they!

DH has a CPAC so I know how disturbing snoring can be.

BUT, it sounds like this is for the night of the concert?

That being the case, I think she can suck it up for that night, she'll be on a high after the concert anyway and it doesn't sound like she's going to need to share driving or do anything important the next day. So in that case, I think suck it up and catch up over the next couple of days.

Why on earth do you allow yourself to be treated like this?

You don't need to mention the snoring (if you know it will cause a row). I have a 20 year old and there is no way she (or her dad) would want to share a twin bed hotel room with each other. Just say DD will feel more comfortable in her own room. Why would you argue with that?

It’s all about him isn’t it? His feelings, his needs, his justifications. Who made him the boss?

Christ. Not a chance I’d be sleeping in the bath. I’d either be in my own room, or not going.

Oh god, book the separate room! My ex snored loudly and I had to move into the spare room permanently. It was like being tortured all night. People who haven't shared a bedroom with a serious snorer all night have no idea.
It isn't just about how she'd feel the next day through lack of sleep. It's about being subjected to a really obnoxious loud noise all night long.
If he's offended, tough. He shouldn't be even thinking of subjecting his daughter to his snoring. And in his shoes there's no way I'd expect my adult child to share a room with me, snoring or not.

Listening to someone else snore when you’re trying to sleep is rage inducing. It’s completely outrageous that your husband is minimising the impact it has on others - I bet it would be different if he was the one being kept awake. He sounds totally selfish.

Your husband is a disgrace.

He snores like a pig with sinusitis but refuses to do anything about it, nor attempt to make life better for those around him because he doesn’t give a shit because his noise doesn’t affect him, but punishes you all by being angry and ‘sensitive’ if anyone who is affected by him dares to raise it?

Why should someone have to put up with a shit night of sleep because of a selfish snorer who can’t be bothered to go and get some help?

Yes this is what I said, she's a grown adult and probably would like her own room.

Dh rolled his eyes initially but then booked a second room himself.

Thank you everyone!

It seems madness to book a 2nd room for one night to me.

She's 20yo, I'm sure she's survived a night without much sleep before!

I don't think you should do it. You are undermining his generous gift. She can use earplugs surely?

Earplugs do not work if the snoring is loud!!

Absolutely. They don't block out the low vibration of bad snoring. Even if they did, not everyone finds them comfortable enough to sleep in.

I know you’ve booked the second room now

But my suggestion was going to be that YOU go with her to the concert instead of DH. Or she takes a mate. Both are frankly much more generous than saying here is your ticket DD but you have to come with your snoring father.

This ^^

What 20 year old daughter wants to share with her dad in the first place? Horses for courses I suppose, but really?

FGS , book the 2nd room.

Earplugs are absolutely pointless when the person snoring is shaking the bed, snorting and doing all kinds of other things. I share a bed with DH, wear earplugs every night and am constantly woken up by him. He’s on the waiting list to be referred for support but the GP says it could be months yet.

There’s a difference between staying awake because you’re out partying or with your mates, and being forced to lie in a dark room while someone is snoring right next to you for hours on end, though.

@Noshadelamp I’m glad that there’s a second room booked. Your DH needs to get over himself. He’s selfish. I say that as a snorer with severe sleep apnoea but unlike him I sought treatment and use a CPAP. Have you ever recorded his snoring and played it back to him? Does he understand just how bad it is? Record him for about 5-10mins, and then play it back to him with no explanation. Maybe in the car where he’s trapped with the noise. Maybe during a favourite tv show so it disrupts him. It worked with my DH. He understood why I’d be in a murderous rage multiple times a night when woken by his snoring multiple times each night. He has a CPAP now too.

@PrincessOfPreschool why are you in the bath not him? That’s absolutely shocking

@Noshadelamp Glad he's booked a 2nd room

some twin rooms have the twin beds so close together they might as well be one bed

hope they both enjoy the trip

I was going to mention this too. He can get a cheap anti snore mouth guard on Amazon that works really well too while waiting for the dentist.