Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Any tips or advice for being a stay at home mum/ trad wife as they call it

87 replies

householddog · 28/05/2025 21:25

I’m currently on maternity leave with a 9 month old my husband is self employed in a very demanding job. We have agreed that I will be a stay at home mum indefinitely to make life easier. my husband won’t be able to do school drop and pick ups maybe occasionally but not on a routine his job has him working too much late nights and early mornings. It does mean he can some flexibility with coming to sports days etc but he is a workaholic and loves to earn money. he’s very hands on when home but isn’t home a lot but does make sure we spend family time with us on the weekends. My job pre baby was stressful and flaring up my chronic illness and we can afford for me not to work with I’m very thankful for. I want to make sure I’m protected if things go wrong. Currently i have my own savings and own my own property which is due to be sold but the money will be left to me to keep in my own account and do with as I wish. Everything I spend is on the joint account and then I earn some small passive income which I use to save or spend on some frivolous things for myself. The house we own together I put half the deposit down on and that is in in our prenup to go back to me the prenup we have is mainly for my savings and property as most of this was gifted to me from grandparents. We’ve also arranged for him to go to nursery one day a week as off July and we already have a cleaner Who comes every other week. I love being a stay at home mum but want to be cautious I don’t get bogged down and resent my husband we have family near by but they don’t help out. I’m not here trying to gloat I know I’m in a fortunate position and very lucky I’m just trying to make sure I’m protected and can manage while chronicling I’ll to be a stay at home mum and wife. When he starts school I would obviously reconsider what’s best for me and our family but I can’t see it changing much.

OP posts:
FabulousPharmacyst · 28/05/2025 21:30

Pension

LadyTable · 28/05/2025 21:33

'Trad wife as they call it'.

No they really don't.

Don't be goady and insulting to SAHMs.

Indicateyourintentions · 28/05/2025 21:35

Make sure the child benefit is paid in your name so you NI stamps are paid. As pp said, keep paying into your pension.
You could also use some of this home time to reconsider your work aspirations/ future career and think about retraining or extending your skills.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

householddog · 28/05/2025 21:36

@LadyTablei wasn’t insulting I just met up with a load of new mum friends last week and that’s what they called it. Then I listened to something on woman’s hour about trad wives and then saw something in the paper. Sorry I thought it was a new thing to call it now.

OP posts:
Springadorable · 28/05/2025 21:39

Should be fine as you have a prenup for the property. As above, sort your pension and NI contributions. I'd see how nursery goes - one day a week often causes a lot of distress and is hard for them to settle so you may be better increasing or not bothering (research shows there's no benefit to the child before the age of about three but you may well need that time).

householddog · 28/05/2025 21:42

there is a course I’m planing to start in September that’s an evening a week. We have considered one day for the moment but will up too 2 days if he’s really enjoying it or needs the extra day. I need a break from him to get some stuff done or rest but also want to spend all my time with him as I know this time together will fly by.

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 28/05/2025 21:43

LadyTable · 28/05/2025 21:33

'Trad wife as they call it'.

No they really don't.

Don't be goady and insulting to SAHMs.

No need to police peoples language.

Lots of people do use that phrase for stay at home mums.

marshmallowpuff · 28/05/2025 21:44

A SAHM is not the same thing as a “tradwife”! That’s an American TikTok term for a far right surrendered wife meets influencer, basically. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen devoting yourself to flowy gingham dresses, canning peaches, cooking for your man, raw milk and Christian MAGA homeschooling 😆

Being a normal mum at home in the U.K. is very different!

CurlewKate · 28/05/2025 21:46

Depends. Happy to talk about being a SAHP. But not being a trad wife. Which do you mean?

EconomyClassRockstar · 28/05/2025 21:48

I was going to say the same things as @marshmallowpuff Trad wife to me is the weird women on Tiktok who get pregnant every other day and allow their menfolk to dictate their lives.

Being a SAHM is just that! A mum who stays at home. I stayed at home for years but still have a pension, savings and full and equal access to our family income.

CombatBarbie · 28/05/2025 21:49

marshmallowpuff · 28/05/2025 21:44

A SAHM is not the same thing as a “tradwife”! That’s an American TikTok term for a far right surrendered wife meets influencer, basically. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen devoting yourself to flowy gingham dresses, canning peaches, cooking for your man, raw milk and Christian MAGA homeschooling 😆

Being a normal mum at home in the U.K. is very different!

That's your opinion. Vocabulary is always changing......it's the new SAHM. Not so long ago we called it housewife.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 28/05/2025 21:53

It's not a good idea to sell your property as soon as you do that money becomes a shared asset to your marriage. Keep the property

LadyTable · 28/05/2025 21:54

soupyspoon · 28/05/2025 21:43

No need to police peoples language.

Lots of people do use that phrase for stay at home mums.

People use goady and insulting language about lots of things/people.

And I'll continue to challenge it whether you see a 'need' or not.

CurlewKate · 28/05/2025 21:55

CombatBarbie · 28/05/2025 21:49

That's your opinion. Vocabulary is always changing......it's the new SAHM. Not so long ago we called it housewife.

It’s only the same thing if you despise SAHPs.

SuperGinger · 28/05/2025 21:56

Just protect yourself and don't think it will be forever so try and learn something new. I took a break for a few years, then went back and I'm very glad I did as my DC don't need me so much and I meet differently people through work.

OhBow · 28/05/2025 21:57

I'd actually go for some proper finanical advice OP, I see things on there that I don't think are always correct. Eg I don't believe prenups are legally binding in the UK, also I don't think it matters whose name proprty is in if you're married, it's still a marital asset that goes into the same pot if you get divorced.Though that, and inheritances, may depend on the length of the marriage. However I'm not really sure!

The point is, there are misconceptions about all these things so take advice from a qualified source.

DancingDucks · 28/05/2025 21:58

soupyspoon · 28/05/2025 21:43

No need to police peoples language.

Lots of people do use that phrase for stay at home mums.

So glad that they didn't when I was a SAHM or it would have pissed me right off. It would have been more like 'childcare is so expensive it's not worth going out to work wife' at that time.

MammaTo · 28/05/2025 21:58

marshmallowpuff · 28/05/2025 21:44

A SAHM is not the same thing as a “tradwife”! That’s an American TikTok term for a far right surrendered wife meets influencer, basically. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen devoting yourself to flowy gingham dresses, canning peaches, cooking for your man, raw milk and Christian MAGA homeschooling 😆

Being a normal mum at home in the U.K. is very different!

This is 100% how I’d imagine a tradwife’s definition! SAHP is completely different to a tradwife.

householddog · 28/05/2025 21:59

I can’t keep the property the mortgage was getting to high as was the costs to the management company I was loosing money on it we have a pre but agreement on the flat or the money from the sold flat being mine only.

OP posts:
Notellinganyone · 28/05/2025 21:59

soupyspoon · 28/05/2025 21:43

No need to police peoples language.

Lots of people do use that phrase for stay at home mums.

Well the connotations are far right/religious/patriarchal/submissive - not the same thing at all so it’s worth picking up on.

Renabrook · 28/05/2025 22:00

LadyTable · 28/05/2025 21:54

People use goady and insulting language about lots of things/people.

And I'll continue to challenge it whether you see a 'need' or not.

No idea if this is the op or not but is it any different to Gold Digger?

Notellinganyone · 28/05/2025 22:01

@CombatBarbie - it really isn’t.

CombatBarbie · 28/05/2025 22:01

CurlewKate · 28/05/2025 21:55

It’s only the same thing if you despise SAHPs.

Ok, I am one? If I started saying "housewife" or 'home maker' there would be an uproar. Just saying.

marshmallowpuff · 28/05/2025 22:03

CombatBarbie · 28/05/2025 21:49

That's your opinion. Vocabulary is always changing......it's the new SAHM. Not so long ago we called it housewife.

Why on earth does being at home to look after children have to be “trad”? As if you’re going to be wringing the mangle and bringing your husband a martini and slippers when he gets in?

My DP stayed at home to look after DD when she was a toddler - was he a “trad husband”?

Most SAHMs will be going to baby classes and groups, and doing baby-led weaning and getting a Sainsbury’s delivery and so on, not raking out the coal fire or taking the baby to the grocer’s like it’s the 1950s. What’s so “trad” about normal modern life? Are you planning to live on a farm churning butter and sewing your own clothes like the influencer videos?

CombatBarbie · 28/05/2025 22:03

Notellinganyone · 28/05/2025 21:59

Well the connotations are far right/religious/patriarchal/submissive - not the same thing at all so it’s worth picking up on.

What???? Most of the younger generation (below 30 anyway) will have no fucking clue what you are on about. Vocabulary and terminology evolves. FML