AIBU....7 year old going to public toilet on their own?

[Eggybreadwithnuts]

Was out with family for a meal in a busy pub and one member let her 7 year old son go to the men's toilet on their own. He was gone for ages.

It made me feel uncomfortable. What if he was assulted, got in harm etc. I just thought he was to young to go alone into the mens toilets. I get if he didnt want to go in female toilets with his mum but there were plenty of other males in the family group who would have gone.

Am I being unreasonable?

Turns out he had then gone to the outside play area.

Perfectly fine for a 7yo to go to the toilet alone.
However he clearly can't be trusted if he's gone outside after without telling someone.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. People seem to forget that boys are at risk from predators too.

I would expect a seven-year-old to go to the toilet on their own - but not coming back afterwards is a problem.

Oh dear! Your world is full of horrors, OP. Assaults do happen in public toilets, but they are not so common that a child's independence in using them in a restaurant should be compromised. Your young relative would have been in trouble for not saying he was going outside if I were his parent.

I have got 7yo twins and they go on their own. The biggest risk is DS not washing his hands.

Obviously you risk assess. I wouldn't e.g. let them go into say London Waterloo toilets at rush hour alone. But for the most part, it's fine. I usually wait outside the door or have it in sight.

Depends on location and child. The child your describing obviously isn't trustworthy and he shouldn't be allowed to go alone

I wouldn't have let my kids go alone at that age unless I was sitting right by it.

No way would I allow this at seven. The risk of them being assaulted is incredibly small but if it was to happen, it would be catastrophic and walking with them to the loo and waiting outside is hardly an arduous task

I'm giving my 7yo independence. I'll let him go in what I deem a "safe" place, a busy pub, probably not. I also hover right outside and call to check if everything is OK ~constantly~

I'm much less worried about younger DD using the ladies' on her own.

Im wondering if there are any stats on abuse in this kind of situation. NSPCC may have something on their page, will look

I would have absolutely no problem with this and would expect them to be perfectly capable of doing so, I would not expect them to sneak off to the outside play area.

Ultimately you have to let boys start going in alone at some point. At our swimming- pool, boys 8+ have to change in the men's changing-room so my DC will have to go in alone soon. The only alternative is stopping his swimming lessons, which really isn't fair. I'm going to buy him a personal alarm to take in with him and show him how to use it if he feels uncomfortable at any point.

YABU. 7 yo DCs should be allowed, indeed encouraged, to have manageable amounts of independence and going alone to the toilet falls well within these boundaries. It is good for children to learn to look after themselves.

Even in the unlikely event that there is some kind of pervert that is willing to take a risk in a pub toilet, children should have learnt coping strategies.

At that age, in the 1970s, I was making dens by myself in a field about a mile from my house. I don't think that is feasible now due to the amount of traffic on the roads but goodness me children these days are missing out on these opportunities.

You can not compare the 1970's to 2025!!!

There were plenty of pervs around in the 1970s though.

No wonder so many kids grow into anxiety-ridden teens

It wasnt a public toilet, it was a toilet in a pub. Yes I would send a 7yo alone if i thought they were sensible enough. The risk of assault is exceptionally small, and still not zero with you outside. Clearly this child wasnt sensible as didn’t come straight back - but he wont ever learn if he’s never given any independence. Children do need to learn to cope in the real world which is never risk free.

At age 8, he will be expected to use the men's toilets, and many MNers would be horrified if an 8 year old boy used the women's toilets. You cannot do right...

At some point, you have to let your child find their independence, scary as that may be for the parents who have to let go.

NSPCC guidelines are...
No age limit however do not advise an under 12 year old being unsupervised.

But you can stand outside, hover outside the door, call through if they're taking ages..

YANBU I would not allow my 7 yo to go to a toilet alone. Not a risk I would take for the sake of 2 minutes. Read and know of horror stories so don’t care if that makes me an over anxious parent.

Why not? You think paedophiles are a recent invention?

Thats the guidelines for being left home alone, not for being in a public place for 2 minutes not in direct line of sight of a parent.

My 7yo ds goes to the loo by himself but I do watch the men's door for him coming out. I don't particularly like it in service stations which can be busy, but he is keen to be independent.

Exactly....perhaps read the post! The person was saying...well in the 1970s I did this did that. I responded today is not like it was then.