What fairly normal things do you not let your DC do?

[Mayflyoff]

I won't let my DC have candles, my 14 yo is not impressed. I also don't let them go on fairground rides, though I'm OK with permanent rides at theme parks. Are there things you don't let your DC do, that their friends seem to do?

My 22y has one. He likes his music on vinyl!

Yes vinyl is making a huge comeback

it is also useful in that it switches itself off at the end of the record so it doesn’t continue overnight

I think finding her tribe at high school may well depend on the school. DD went to grammar so was protected but DS local comp is brutal
also i have to say she does sound as if there could be some SEN girls so mask and some of her immaturity levels sound off for her age (DS is the year above)

@Tiswa she does have some not very well defined needs - we're awaiting some assessments and she had SALT in early primary, and has been in the "additional help by TA" group for maths though her written English and classroom confidence has come on in leaps and bounds (as I know from a lot of other experience, usually the gap would widen for a child with most forms of SEN but for her it's mainly narrowed - so something we/school are doing is working!).

Alexas do this too!

Hilarious. Mine was 5' 10" aged 12.

Not hilarious when it's yours. My DS was still technically required to be in booster seats at the start of secondary school age, it was difficult. He's only 5'5" as an adult.

My DS is 12 and I check his phone daily, some of the things that girls his age have posted on class group chats over the past few years have been quite shocking ( some are wannabe influencers it seems so are half dressed and posing provocatively) so I do think supervision is very much needed. He was instantly removed from these groups as soon as I saw these and parents alerted, the school ended up having to send out emails asking parents to please check what their children are posting). DS now isn’t allowed on group chats at all and only uses his phone to speak to friends when gaming or to contact us when out. DD is 9 and I will watch her like a hawk also when she gets a phone.

Yes that is true DS is 5ft 10 now in year 7 but his best friend started at just 4ft5 and he struggles I think being that height

Apologies - it was not meant to be mean to smaller teens. I still don't see why the poster needed her 14 year old to be on a booster given it's 12 years old or 135cms, whichever comes first.

@Typin what was your childhood like? And relationship with your parents?

Me too! I can’t imagine my own childhood without a constant stream of friends in my house and me popping in and out of friends houses. It’s a bit less free flowing with my own children but just today my 7 and 5 year old had friends over and had a lovely afternoon. I love how social my children are!

I had a mother with petty controlling rules
she tried to carry on the control well into adulthood
I finally went non contact when I hit 40
the damage she has done I'm still trying to work through
suffice to say my children have been brought up very differently

Wow. So many rules. I’ve never really had any with my teen. Never needed to. We just live together. Talk to each other. Sometimes we get grumpy and we might shout. We always apologise. Tell each other we love each other. Hug. Laugh. Help each other. Care for each other. Say what time we’ll be home. Text if we’re running late. Nothing mad has happened yet.

It’s not “whichever comes first”

it’s actually whichever applies ie the manufacturer isn’t recommending a 12 year old child under 135cm stop using

Do you have teens now @JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn ?

I have some rules for my teens @JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn and I can assure you our home is full of love and hugs and talking to one another

It depends maybe on the teen - I don’t with DD (16) just her personality she will always keep me informed as to where she is and what time will be home. Always goes to get ready for bed at 9:30/9:45 (and sometimes we try and persuade her) and does all her work etc. Plant based diet doesn’t drink fizzy drinks (although will have a small glass of fizz or wine)
DS (12) totally different character and needs rules

We’ve always said to ours we will only say no to something if we have a good reason to do so. Has actually served us well.

Honestly my advice coming out the other side is the most important thing is to minimise the rules and authoritarian approach. It can be dangerous because believe me when (if) the really bad thing happens all that matters is the relationship you have with your child and if you have damaged that with pathetic rules about petty shit you won’t be a team when it really matters.

Of course it depends on the teen
why would one impose a rule if completely irrelevant

What was your childhood like in terms of rules? Sorry that’s for @Typin

It can be dangerous because believe me when (if) the really bad thing happens all that matters is the relationship you have with your child and if you have damaged that with pathetic rules about petty shit you won’t be a team when it really matters.

I’m at the start of teenage parenting and very quickly realised the importance of centering a good relationship over most things. I need my two to know they can come to me with absolutely anything, no matter how bad they think it is and know I’ve got their back. That one thing is more protective than any set of rules.

Mine have screen timers and bedtime blockers, and phones charge downstairs overnight. Also no social media until after 16 (I don't count WhatsApp). My 18 year old requested to keep her timer on tiktok and her bedtime blocker!!

It's never been something my kids wanted to do but I wouldn't have allowed them out milling around town/hanging around in a park into the evening. If they're out of an evening it's at someone's house and I know where they are, andI would be picking them up unless it was very very near home.

Sorry to derail, but I think this is exactly what went wrong in 2020, and I think Matt Hancock and co could have followed this advice. Because so many of the roolz were petty and pointless (buying Easter eggs kills grannies, rule of six, and the mythical one-hour rule of exercise), and the government moralised and talked down to the public like children, people lost respect for the government, especially when it became clear the government wasn't following their own rules themselves. And now that the government well and truly severed their relationship with the public, they won't have public co-operation if something else happens.

I was literally quoting from the Government website:

Using a child car seat or booster seat
Children must normally use a child car seat until they’re 12 years old or 135 centimetres tall, whichever comes first.
Children over 12 or more than 135cm tall must wear a seat belt.

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules