Going on holiday - washing left behind?

[Blastandbollocks]

I'll start by saying that I know my expectations are not normal. I had a DM who I loved and I know loved me, but who was a little bit exacting - to say the least.

Holidays are a source of stress for me around cleaning and preparation. Previous family holidays were very much self sufficient - self catering and we took supplies with us; food, clothing for a fortnight, no shopping unless it was for one careful curated souvenir or a post card to send home. The house was cleaned to within an inch of its life, and no clothes left behind to be washed. I have memories of her (and my DF and me) being up at 5am to wash the bedding & PJs, and to tidy, or leaving the night before so we didn't make a mess.

So now, I struggle with "normal". My DH understands why I stress and tries to help, but gets frustrated because I'm putting so much pressure on myself. The issue is that I don't know what is standard to leave behind or what standard to pack, or okay to buy. I still have my DM behind me muttering about being judged if I died and there were PJ's left unclean, or if I forget something that I should just go without and be miserable. Before I could mask as my DS was little so it does tend to be a military operation, but now he's older and self sufficient, it's become really obvious that I'm out of the norm!

Help? What do you do to prepare to go on holidays, what is normal to leave? Calm my panicky brain!

I don’t do anything above and beyond what I’m already doing around the house. It’s all up to date as it were so I never stress before going away

I just pack and go

I make sure the house at least LOOKS decent, as we have people coming in to feed the cat. Bin empty, fridge emptyish for smell and hygiene reasons. If it’s back and straight to work I try to be more organised before we leave so all washing done, bed sheets changed etc so it’s not as stressful when we come back.

If I know I’m off then a full wash basket doesn’t bother me.

If I have time I like to change the seats, or change them the night before. I might plan the washing so we aren’t coming back to a full laundry basket…

I have a friend who mops the floor before she goes anywhere.

Cheers for that. 👍 I’ll look into it.
I’m in Ireland and use the German N26 as my main Euros account so that’s all online and RBS for UK money but my Scottish DH is paranoid about being scammed so less keen on online banking with his accounts.

I like my house to be nice to come back to, ie not piles of washing sat on the side, stuff everywhere, but no way am I up at 5am washing anc changing bedding. The laundry basket also doesn’t need to be empty

i try to remember to pack all I need but at the same time say to myself, if I’ve my passport and bank card, I can buy anything else, as can you I presume. If you forget your toothbrush, pants, shampoo, just buy some where you get there and don’t worry about it

I remember one summer when DH decided that he "just" needed to clean the windows before we could leave. About 30 minutes before our agreed departure time and before we'd finished packing and filling the car. Fortunately for him, he's never done it again.

I normally work until one day prior to going away. So I really don't have the time to start a deep clean.

I try to do as much washing as possible, either because it goes with us or so I don'thave a ton of washing to come back to, there is enough to do with 2 weeks washing after the holiday. But I don't stress if the basket is 1/2 full.

We clean as normal, we do the dishes the night before and just wash one mug each before setting off.

Bins empty, windowns closed and all general tidied.

Bins and tidy
security check
passport ticket check

5 am shenanigans not normal at all, your mum was significantly unwell

I always mean to do a deep clean and leave everything immaculate. Inevitably I am so exhausted and desperate to get away, and overwhelmed with the packing that things are not as I would have wished. I hate coming back to a messy house, washing or a dusty smell.

There is no way I could leave my house dirty. Absolutely have to wash all clothes and dishes, change beds, and clean everything befoee I go.

@Blastandbollocks I hear you, my mother was the same and tbh it made leaving the house stressful.

I have adopted some weird ways, I change the bedding a day before we go and then I cover the bed with a blanket so any dust will go on the blanket!

I seriously do my own head in, I’m slowly learning it’s ok to leave the house how it is as it’s always tidy.

I now just make sure all the basics are done, empty the bins and clean the fridge.

I just do a general tidy up but I don’t stress over my knickers in the laundry basket 😂 they can wait until I’m back xx

Actually yes leaving bins emptied is far more important than the laundry when I leave!

What do you do if you need to leave at 5am?

If I need to leave at 5am I do it all the night before.

I like the house to be clean and the bins emptied. Go through the fridge and leave the cat food out for the sitter. We usually come home at a decent hour so I'll do fresh beds then.

I try to balance the house being okay with getting everything sorted to go away.

I’m not a clean clean person but coming home to a mess you didn’t get to before you left is depressing, horrible to get home and then have to clean, especially if you stayed somewhere very clean!!!

Before holidays I do a deep clean of the house, aim to get all washing and ironing up to date. I put on fresh bedlinen so we have clean bedlinen to come home to.
I understand you wanting to have a prestine home. I love it but it’s rare and never for long!

Thank you all for putting it in to a slightly more rational perspective. I agree that, to paraphrase Philip Larkin, my DM has fucked me up somewhat.

Therapy is helping a lot, but I think part of it is also me. I'm currently (which I hope isn't drip feeding!) on the pathway to am autism/ADHD diagnosis which I suspect may also be having an impact. And I suspect that DM may also have been on the spectrum.

We're currently away, and in a minimalist holiday cottage and I feel so much better.

At home, we have loads of stuff everywhere which also makes cleaning so much more difficult, along with a DH who is a bit of a hoarder (cables, cables and more cables!) and who doesn't see mess, or rather doesn't see clutter as an issue. If he's cleaning, he moves all the knicknacks we've been gifted and puts them back, whereas I get frustrated and wish people would stop buying us stuff!

I've started decluttering my stuff, things like I've moved from books to kindle for the vast majority of my books apart from the real treasures I read and reread - therapy make me see that I didn't need to keep a holiday novel, bought in the airport to read on the plane, just because I'd bought it.

I'm now starting to work on the above mentioned presents - anyine fancy a set of four plastic viking goblets?! And also persuading DH of the decluttering benefits rather than the stick it in a cupboard in case we ever need it routine we have currently.

I’m with your mother, I want to come back to a lovely clean house! I want all my washing done before I go away because I know I’ll be bringing all my holiday clothes back that need a wash. One of my favourite things is putting bleach down the toilet so when I return it’s all sparkly 😂

Reading some of these makes me wonder whether I’m a slut or just normal!

I leave the house more or less clean and tidy. (Usual standard, not ‘operating theatre’ deep clean.)
Empty perishables from the fridge
Empty bins
Water plants
Check several times that I’ve got passport, credit cards, chargers, etc.
Make sure I’ve cancelled the milk

I don’t change the beds unless they’re due anyway.

We have to leave ourselves a note now saying THE BIN as we forgot to empty it once. Strangely there was no smell even after a week away.
Bit obsessive about washing if we going away for more than a couple of weeks, which we do often, and try to leave almost nothing in the wash bag.
Bedding changes done so it's only been slept in once before we go.
Only the two of us so the house is usually in a pretty good state anyway.
Watering plants can be a big thing if the UK forecast looks very good while we're away.

I can honestly say it has never remotely occurred to me to leave no washing. I'm in my 50s and have literally never gone on holiday leaving an empty laundry basket. I'll leave the house tidy-ish and clean-ish!

I still have my DM behind me muttering about being judged if I died and there were PJ's left unclean

How bizarre. Think about it, if you died, do you really think anyone close enough to you to see there were pyjamas unwashed (presumably in your bed!) would be judging you?!

I leave my house pretty clean and tidy when I leave it to go anywhere, I don't do anything special before going on holiday.