Going on holiday - washing left behind?

[Blastandbollocks]

I'll start by saying that I know my expectations are not normal. I had a DM who I loved and I know loved me, but who was a little bit exacting - to say the least.

Holidays are a source of stress for me around cleaning and preparation. Previous family holidays were very much self sufficient - self catering and we took supplies with us; food, clothing for a fortnight, no shopping unless it was for one careful curated souvenir or a post card to send home. The house was cleaned to within an inch of its life, and no clothes left behind to be washed. I have memories of her (and my DF and me) being up at 5am to wash the bedding & PJs, and to tidy, or leaving the night before so we didn't make a mess.

So now, I struggle with "normal". My DH understands why I stress and tries to help, but gets frustrated because I'm putting so much pressure on myself. The issue is that I don't know what is standard to leave behind or what standard to pack, or okay to buy. I still have my DM behind me muttering about being judged if I died and there were PJ's left unclean, or if I forget something that I should just go without and be miserable. Before I could mask as my DS was little so it does tend to be a military operation, but now he's older and self sufficient, it's become really obvious that I'm out of the norm!

Help? What do you do to prepare to go on holidays, what is normal to leave? Calm my panicky brain!

There is something so nice about coming back to a clean and tidy house though.

I'm going on my first holiday abroad in 10 years time at the end of June. Cleaning is the last thing on my mind - just leave an empty bin for the lady looking after the cat, and fill the dishwasher and have it do a wash, then that's it. tbh most of the clothes I'm taking will be washed so there won't be any dirty washing left behind anyway.

Yes I’ve also had it drummed into me that the house needs a good scrub before a holiday, as much washing done as possible and clean beds for our return. Same thing at Christmas, surgical level scrub of the house before decorations can go up and big deep clean around the 23rd/24th.

DP used to be a bit like this, although not to the extent you are I don't think.

What helped her was really thinking through what the consequences of not doing something were.

So, going on holiday, and you've not cleaned the toilet? They're likely to get grimmer while you're away, so yes it's best to clean them the day before you go.

Not changed the bedsheets before you go? It's nice to get in to clean ones when you get back, but you can always change them when you get home. So good to do before you go, but not the end of the world if you don't.

There's a load of washing in the hamper when you leave. Doesn't matter, absolutely nothing bad is going to happen to that load of washing in your absence. It's not getting any dirtier so why does it matter if you do it before you leave or after you get back.

Hoovering before you go? Dust is going to settle while you're away anyway, so no matter whether you do it before you leave or not, you're still going to hoovering the day after you get home. Therefore hoovering now is actively wasting your own time for no benefit.

We came away Saturday, so Friday evening the whole house got hoovered, hard floors mopped, dusted and bathrooms cleaned (basically the weekly ‘big’ clean done early). There is some laundry waiting for when we get back as didn’t get it all done but it’ll get sorted with the holiday laundry. My dog/housesitter will do a bit of cleaning while we are away too. We used to get a cleaner in while we were away and that was brilliant, coming home to an immaculate house!

I try and wash the sheets and towels just before, mainly so when we get home I don't have to think about washing them for a week when I'm trying to get the holiday washing done.

OP, I think you know you are being a bit ridiculous.
Of course you can leave laundry behind. I absolutely pity these (mainly) women who think they need to sterilise the entire house before they go away - how narrow and limited are their lives?
All you need to do is:

1. Make sure you have your passports, paperwork etc
2. Throw some clothes in a bag
3. Lock your front door after leaving, & then concentrate on having a good time.

Otherwise, what is the point of a holiday if it just creates more work and makes you miserable?

I leave as if I was going to work. My house is always quite clean and tidy. I don't leave to a different standard when I go away.

That’s so sad. Who on earth told you such nonsense? 😳

Please don’t pass on such ridiculous notions to your children. Let them be free from such anxieties. The house won’t collapse whilst you’re away if you leave dirty washing in the laundry basket.

I’ve never done a deep clean in my life and I’m still not caring. I’ve got plenty of friends and if anyone has a problem with dust bunnies, that’s their problem. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You don’t need to notify the bank. Change the app to follow your location.

I used to clean everywhere, do all the washing, do an online food order for when we got back but I’ve stopped all of that now as it stressed me out. Now I just make sure all bins and fridge are emptied and washing up done. So much less stressful for me.

Are you American? Banks work differently over here and I have accounts in 3 different countries, so I usually check what’s required with each bank as they set their own rules.

I try to clear the laundry as much as possible before we go, and change the beds and towels in the couple of days before we leave

The day before I’ll whiz the hoover round and sort the fridge. The day that we go I’ll empty the bins and squirt some bleach down the loo.

That seems to do the job without being arduous before we go or once we’re home.

I do the basics really. We are going away on holiday tomorrow so the plan is:

Leave the house tidy so I don't walk back in the door and want to cry!

Catch up on laundry but I don't worry if there are a few things left in washing baskets, they'll get washed alongside anything we bring back from holiday when we return.

Clear out the fridge of anything that will go off.

Empty bins.

Make sure all washing up is done, but I don't mind if it's left on the drying rack.

Make sure that there is a clean set of bedding in the airing cupboard ready to put onto beds when we return as I just prefer getting into a freshly made bed when we come home.

Have some food in the cupboard or freezer so that we have something for dinner and don't have to go to a shop on the day we return home.

Basically just enough so I'm not coming back to a mess or anything smelling bad.

We're self catering too but I'll be damned if I'm carting lots of food there. I've got some milk, cereal, a loaf of bread, pack of apples, cheese, butter and beans plus a bottle of wine 🤣. So we have enough to manage on the first day or so and then we'll pick up things for meals as and when we want. A lot of the time we eat extremely simply on holiday or go out for meals because I don't want to spend my holiday cooking!

I normally throw some toilet gel down the loos before we leave in the morning but wouldn't worry if I forgot.

When we come back we put a wash on and get everything put away before we sit down, have a shower to freshen up, put the clean bedding onto the beds and then chill out.

No I live in Scotland, I’m British. I have a chase card as it’s fee free for travel. I never tell the bank now I just update the app. The Santander customer rep on the phone told me to do that and Chase shows it on their website.

I empty the bins and throw out anything perishable from the fridge. Then pick up my suitcase and go.

I don't clean or tidy or change sheets or have any idea how much is in the laundry basket when I go on holiday. It will all still be there to do when I get home

My mum went one stage further and used to obsess about getting laundry done before we came back from holiday as well - cue last few days of the holiday my mum being po faced about finding a washing machine if we were in a hotel or bemoaning the washing machine in the the self-catering place not being as good as the one at home. She's still like it now and believes she is somehow superior to people who come home with dirty washing. As an act of defiance I get a small thrill coming home with a suitcase full of filthy clothes. Only thing i do at home is do the fridge out and run a hoover round.

Oh I also open all the windows when I get back home as the house always feels like it needs airing.

Side note but you should book travel insurance at the same time as booking a holiday, not just before you leave.

I empty the bins and clean the kitchen so it doesn’t get smelly.
will have done laundry in the days before so we have clean underwear to take but don’t stress about emptying hampers. Don’t usually change bedding.
If you all died on holiday who on earth would come into your house and tut at there being dirty laundry in the laundry basket? Honestly! If you have people in your life who would then get them out of your life!

I’ve tried lots of different approaches and think I’ve found a good balance now. How would you feel about doing nothing, or maybe just not leaving anything g in the fridge that will go off. Maybe make sure there are clean clothes available for the few days until you are further down the washing pile or genius idea factor in the cost of collection delivery laundry service for the clothes that you took away.

I suggest this just for you to observe and see what happens if you ignore DM’s voice. Notice what makes a difference and what doesn’t. In future to only the things that b make a difference that you really really prefer.

then try this across other parts of your life. Thank me later xx

I have been known to leave a load of laundry on the clothes horse to dry, and I try to generally empty the laundry basket before I go, possibly changing sheets/towels in the 1-3 days before we leave. But I don’t worry if I leave some things in the laundry yet to wash, as long as I have 1 day of clothes ready for when I get back, and also don’t sweat if I can’t change sheets/towels beforehand.

I usually take a day off work either side of my holidays (unless it’s a weekend day) to make sure everything is sorted. I just do a really good clean, empty bins, try and get the washing done and change the sheets on the beds so that I can walk back into a clean house after my holiday and tackle the mountain of washing in my suitcase. But I do it because I enjoy walking back into a clean house, but I wouldn’t say I make it a big thing.

@Blastandbollocks
I think your parents have done a number on you, created a monster in your head.
The prep for any holiday is bad enough without all the added stress you're putting yourself through.
I don't change the bed, when I get home, Im just dying to go to bed.
Pretty sure, reading between the lines, that you keep a clean house/ bed, I'd put money on your bedding not being "dirty".
I dont leave the washing basket empty, I do make sure there's nothing wet.
I do empty the fridge of milk, veg etc and take the bin out.
I don't run the hoover round, we're pretty tidy.
I DO make a list on the run up.
*Holiday insurance.
*Airport parking.
*Passports
*Travel docs
*Cash (euros)

• Clothes, who's taking what. *Underwear (dp once arrived with no underpants!!) *Swimwear *Make up *Hairdryer/Straighteners *Washbag, soap, shampoo etc Then I tick my list off as I go. When I get back, I take out what I need to put away, makeup, hairstuff etc then I put the suitcases in the garage (so I'm not constantly looking at the dirty washing) then I work through it load by load.

Sorry, not sure what happened to the formatting of my post 😁