SAHM... Would You?

[MarzipanfromMaidstone]

Quick question...talking to my sister about this and want to run a poll and see what others say. Basically if it was financially possible (not rich, just enough), would you choose to stay home with the kids?

That's exactly our situation. I'll go back to work (I'm self employed anyway) when the youngest is at preschool. But I'll only do school hours.

No, but that's because I studied long and hard for my career, I need my own independence and want a decent pension.
Now I'm older, I'm looking forward to retiring early, probably late 50's but don't regret not being a housewife

Yes. my mum and grandma's all stayed at home as housewives taking care of the family. Actually my mum and her mum also did a bit of voluntary work here and there. would love to do the same, but unfortunately, it's just not possible anymore

I was a SAHM but never a housewife.

As someone who worked the whole time and was proud to do so, I think yes. But! I’d need something else in my life and only until they went to school. Then I’d find a job that meant I could still spend a lot of time with them.

I did for 5 years.
Loved it.
Changed career to fit in with term time only.
Will retire at 58, being a SAHM has had no bearing on that.

I’m a sahm and love it. Will go back to work when our youngest is at school

No. Not for a second. I find the idea it’s something anyone, male or female, would choose completely baffling.

Yes, I did. So glad as, well. Had a gorgeous 9 years at home, 3 kids, just so lovely and you don’t get those tiny years back. I work 3.5 days a week now, term time (not in a school), retrained when my youngest started nursery at 2.

I did it for 16 years but now divorced. I should have kept my career going in hindsight. If I had my time again I’d work part time I think.

I am genuinely curious to know if other mums see this set up as a luxury? Is it a luxury to be able to afford to stay home with your kids and let your partner work?

Yes, I was a SAHM for all 3 of my now adult kids.

For over 10 years I was the Chair of Govs at their school, which meant I could keep my CV up to date with lots of training etc and keep my brain active.

I then got the most amazing job which is very well paid and totally indulges a hobby I've always been passionate about.

It couldn't have worked out better for us all.

No, I'd go mad staying home all day with little or no adult interaction.
I might pursue the creative career I sometimes dream of though.

Only if I was absolutely certain my marriage wouldn’t fail.

Chores and childcare. No thanks.

No, I think having a career and being financially independent is an important role model for parents to demonstrate to children

Of course it’s a luxury because it
means having a choice. Most simply don’t have a choice and need to go back to work. Those who choose to be stay at home parents have a choice and that’s a luxury.

It would be financially possible as in my DH would be able to fund it but that would never be an option for me.

Financial independence is important to me and I've worked so hard for my career and wouldn't want to give it up.

We are in this position. One of us could give up work and stay at home. Neither of us wanted to as we didn’t think it would be of overall benefit to the children or adults. Every day reinforces our opinion that our decision was right for us. We love our life and family, it works well for us, it’s chilled, fun, and loving.

I don't.

Financial independence is a luxury to me.

Well it depends what you mean by “financially possible”, when you caveat it with “not rich”.

i would only give up work if finances meant I had a good pension, significant savings, and effectively a financially secure future.

if I am giving up work to rely on someone else’s income it needs to cover all that. Because things can change in a heartbeat- death, divorce, disability.

so if you mean “not rich” as in one income covers day to day living, no, I wouldn’t give up work. If you mean “financially possible” to cover all bills and provide a secure future for me, then yes, I would.

Mumsnetters are always very black and white about this by the way OP 😄 can never seem to comprehend that things don’t have to be permanent decisions, and sometimes things can just be nice and simple and enjoyable and work out nicely. You either have to work forever and commit to that and do it all and juggle everything and be run ragged, FOREVER, or be a SAHM drowning in drudgery and perpetual toddlers forevermore.

I definitely would if it was financially viable and DH was onboard with it. As it is I work 2 days a week which is a pretty good compromise and I consider myself very fortunate to be in a position to do it. It's so much pressure these days on one person to be the main breadwinner.

If I could easily get back into the workforce once they were school age, yes I would have done it/been a sahp for a few years. I wasn't sure whether I could, or not at the same level anyway so went back to work. I'm not a natural mum though, I can and do play with the kids but struggle to stay genuinely interested if it's too repetitive and I need breaks in play. My MIL manages to play with them for hours without stopping, I'm so impressed with her stamina. She says it's because she doesn't have to do it all the time plus chores like you do when you're a mum so its easier for her than for me, I'm still impressed though!

No never would
Very important to me to earn my own money have an equal relationship with my DH and set a good example to my DC