MIL asking what our purchases cost!

[JDM625]

DH and I are renovating a derelict house.

MIL previously worked in sales, but nothing to do with renovations or household items! Whenever she sees our new lawn mower, curtains, a mat etc- she asks how much!

No, she is not looking to buy similar! DH and I now avoid mentioning we've bought anything and when asked, don't tell her an amount. I've lived in the UK 20yrs, but was born abroad and find her questioning incredibly rude.

Other than F&*k off, any wording you'd use to tell her its rude and irrelevant what we paid?

It’s a matter of opinion really rather than a blanket rule for everyone. I don’t mind being asked how much stuff costs, talking about money or asking other people. I also grew up in England and think the secrecy and prudishness around money is stupid.

myanswer to any question I don’t want to reply to is ‘why do you want to know?’. Often once they answer you can change the subject, usually they’ll realise and not ask again and if they do you give them the brush off ‘I can’t remember’ but it makes them feel less comfortable asking.

I don’t think the question itself is problematic but further comments and judgements are.
Some people make various conclusions about your financial situation based on the price of a few household items and then do comments which is very annoying. So if I know that a person asking to judge (my cousin) I reply: Don’t remember. If it’s a person who is genuinely curious about the item (my friend) I happily share all details.
The same with OP.
MIL asks and then demands expensive presents because OP is so well off and can afford this and that. Not good.
MIL asks because she wants to buy the same thing for herself. Absolutely normal. .

Not being at all funny here, but go take a watch of The Royle Family

Its a hilarious look at boring/normal family life

And a 30 minute programme could be devoted to what someone had for tea

What Im getting at, is that for some people, their lives shrink so much, there's nothing in common to talk about but the most mundane

Could you bore her..."oh maybe expensive, yes it was...oh no that was the cheap one, maybe we had a deal, the rest was expensive...figures eh!"
It's not lying as you aren't giving inaccurate figures, you're just being boringly vague.

I understand that it's rude but I think that's ridiculously antiquated and will readily ask/say how much something cost. I'd never dream of saying something critical upon hearing the answer and I've never experienced it in the reverse scenario. With my own mother in law I'd only ever hear "what a great find," etc.- so I suppose if someone was known for replying rudely I would just not tell them rather than finding them rude for asking.

Yeah my it's and I and Dh discuss things like this but as normal part of conversations there is no big thing behind it i might say to my MIL guess what this cost if I got some great bargain or something

My friend always asks how much things cost. It drives me insane!! Like what does it matter what it cost? I have no I interest in how much other people pay for things. Sometimes I say I can't remember . She even asked a friend how much her wedding dress cost. I thought that really crossed the line. From now on if she asks I'm going to point out that it's rude to ask.

My pils are the same. They question how much everything costs too. Dh is always making everything sound like a bargain to impress them. I think it's ridiculous. They seem to dislike us buying anything nice for ourselves.

As your MIL was born pre-decimalisation, and will be familiar with 'old money', I'd say something like my 88yo mum says. Whenever anyone asks her how much something cost, and she doesn't want to reveal, she just says "ooh, about thruppence ha'penny", or "half a shilling".

I HATE when people ask how much things cost. It's incredibly rude. I'd just be straight up with her, "it's none of your business and I'd like you to stop asking the price of things".

This post has made me think. In our family money is very much a 'secret' - not that we are uber wealthy or anything - but there really is nothing wrong or rude about asking how much something cost is there? It's not exactly asking someone how much they earn.

I also ask people how much they earn and have no problem being asked or disclosing my own earnings 🤷🏻‍♀️

Gosh I wouldn't ever dream of asking someone about their earnings!

My mum does this with literally anything we buy.

In my line of work people are always asking each other about salaries and freelance rates and what we got paid for X job. It helps us to ensure we’re not pricing ourselves too low. It also comes up in conversation with friends in many ways - if any of us are applying for jobs we’ll say what salary we want and ask for opinions on whether we should go for more. We’re also very open about our savings and how much our rent or mortgage is. I don’t see the need for secrecy, how are people going to learn to navigate life and fair pay if no one talks about it?

I thought this was just part of taking an interest TBH.
I think its rude coming from colleagues or friends who arent close but people who you are close with often like to know all the ins and outs of your life!

Kinda like if your mum asked you how your scabby rash was getting on it would be fine but deeply uncomfortable if it was Maureen at work!

Yanbu- mil is like that. And then says you should have said I would have found one for you on marketplace/ much cheaper. Well but late now and actually I wanted this exact brand new one. Don’t get me wrong I like marketplace or wherever as much as the next person but sometimes you just want something shiny and new.

Blimey this is harsh. She’s interested in how much things cost. So what! Cut her some slack.

My MIL tells everyone how much everything she buys cost but I never know what to do with the information because she doesn't give any tone or context to indicate whether she thinks it's cheap or expensive.

It will literally be 'this wine, £8 from Asda' but it's not like 'blimey, it was a fiver not so long ago' or 'bluddy bargain cos it's delicious and you can't even get a glass for that in a pub these days'. Just '£8 from Asda'.

‘Money and fair words’ was a phrase my mum always said when she was alive

I've lived in many different countries so I would be curious to know where it's not considered rude to ask about people's salaries and their weight?

“I do not like being asked how much things cost and I won’t answer that question going forward. If you want to know the price of something use Google”

My sister in law always does this. I find it so annoying and rude.

She's not prying into your private life, she's showing an interest in your purchase.