Baby Shower Advise - Would you pay?

[Rkmmof]

Hello, Im planning on organising my own baby shower in a few months time towards the end of my pregnancy and just wanted to know the opinions of others (both those who have hosted and guests) in regards to food and venues.

Im expecting twins and my shower will be sometime in the first 2 weeks of Aug (perfect timing to be hot, sweaty and the size of a house lol)
Currently torn between hosting a garden party at my house with a buffet and booking a venue with perhaps a set menu (afternoon tea/ lunchtime menu with choices)

My question is, if you hosted/were invited to a baby shower at a venue which provides the catering, would you being the host pick up the tab or is it acceptable to ask those invited to cover the cost of their meals? (happy to buy everyone a welcome drink of their choice)

I will choose whichever option is going to be the cheapest wether thats suppling a small buffet for the amount of guests if hosting at home or having to pay a fee to hire a function room and somehow politely wording for guests to pay for their own food. As we obviously have plenty to buy for the babies arrivals but I would like the opportunity to celebrate our new additions with our nearest and dearest.

TIA 🤍

This

I think you should have a low key baby shower at home if it needs to be cheap.

I personally think that baby showers are grabby nonsense. If I were asked to pay to attend, I’d decline.

I think what’s key here is that you are organising it yourself, which isn’t really the done thing

If friends/family organise it for you- generally a place will be picked that suits all budgets/travel needs and people can opt in and out as they wish.

It’s naff imo to organise a party for yourself where people will also be expected buy you a present AND stick their hands in their pocket for food and drink. It’s just different.

in your boat I would host a small party at home

Here’s an idea

Don’t call it a baby shower

Say you would love to organise a last child free catch up before you are due and you’re looking at booking a table at X restaurant on Y date. Who would like to join so you can book for the right number.

Make it clear it is NOT a baby shower and no gifts are expected.

This way it’s pretty clear everyone is paying for themselves. Bonus, you avoid all the games and other nonsense associated with baby showers and the grabby effect too.

Relaxed tea at home and get in catering. Obviously you pay. I personally am so reluctant to attend a baby shower that there would need to be free food and coffee to entice me. I wouldn’t attend a sit down meal. I just couldn’t bear it.

I am not sure that everyone does have them.

The only baby shower I’ve ever been to, guests were expected to cover the costs of their meals. I have no idea if this is the norm or not (judging by other posts maybe not), but paying did not bother me. I don’t think it even crossed my mind as odd at the time.

Exactly this .
There will be some invited who aren't really fans of a baby shower but will come anyway and they are going to be much happier at a casual relaxed garden party situation that they don't have to fork out for.
Less hassle for you , no awkwardness asking for payments and choices and you could make it really lovely without much effort , on top of this menu suggestion i would add a big fruit platter, perfect season for it -strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, slices of juicy orange, melon etc.
I would ditch the tea/coffee - someone always ends up being a slave to the kettle and do belvoir type cold drinks only .

The cheapest thing to do would be to not have a baby shower. Get an Amazon wish list for baby stuff and if anyone asks if they can buy you something when the babies are born, direct them to the wish list.

If it’s a get together rather than a baby shower, than promote it as that.

eg. ‘ Dear Deidre, planning a last supper and get together before the babes arrive. Would love you to come. Afternoon tea at Riverside cafe. Cost is £15. Please let me know you can attend.

I do think if you invite people to a party then you should cover the costs, but I’ve been to a few baby showers that were a set menu or afternoon tea and I’ve covered the cost of myself. I quite like a baby shower so I don’t mind paying for them and a gift.

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Please buy me presents and also pay for the party
Grabby and very unecessary

There is another ‘baby shower’ thread trending. Might be useful to find it. It’s a guest paying to attend thread.
i think it is perfectly acceptable (and probably preferable for most people) for you to hold it at home and provide a small buffet and soft drinks/coffee/tea. This way guests will be more likely to be generous when spending on gift/s for your LOs.
Hope you have a healthy and enjoyable pregnancy.

OP posted this in May last year. I take it the baby shower has been and gone.

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I’ve had 2 babies & no baby showers as I didn’t want/need to ask for stuff and don’t like being centre of attention. I’ve been to loads & never been asked to pay, especially when we are taking gifts/travelling there. Our last one was 4/5 hours away though!

I'd think one organised by the mum to be was odd in itself, even more so if she then expected me to pay to attend. I could just about accept paying for an afternoon tea at a set price including drinks in a cafe/hotel, if being organised by someone else. Imagine guests trying to work out bills with between a group of strangers.
I've never paid, no matter where it was, nor, despite your protestations, have I ever seen one where guests turn up empty handed. You are expecting your guests to pay to attend and a gift, unless you specify no gifts, charitable donations only, which then doubly makes it clear you won't expect receive gifts.

Thank you. I must learn to look at the dates of posts!

I personally think if you host then you pay. A baby shower is only for you, it’s a chore for others (other than family). Many posts I’ve seen about being invited to a baby shower and told they need to pay for their own afternoon tea, do not go down well. Host at home, do a small buffet, and don’t make your guests pay!