Baby Shower Advise - Would you pay?

[Rkmmof]

Hello, Im planning on organising my own baby shower in a few months time towards the end of my pregnancy and just wanted to know the opinions of others (both those who have hosted and guests) in regards to food and venues.

Im expecting twins and my shower will be sometime in the first 2 weeks of Aug (perfect timing to be hot, sweaty and the size of a house lol)
Currently torn between hosting a garden party at my house with a buffet and booking a venue with perhaps a set menu (afternoon tea/ lunchtime menu with choices)

My question is, if you hosted/were invited to a baby shower at a venue which provides the catering, would you being the host pick up the tab or is it acceptable to ask those invited to cover the cost of their meals? (happy to buy everyone a welcome drink of their choice)

I will choose whichever option is going to be the cheapest wether thats suppling a small buffet for the amount of guests if hosting at home or having to pay a fee to hire a function room and somehow politely wording for guests to pay for their own food. As we obviously have plenty to buy for the babies arrivals but I would like the opportunity to celebrate our new additions with our nearest and dearest.

TIA 🤍

I’ve only ever been to one baby shower , it was for a close friend of mine. I’ve seen some horrible comments on MN about baby showers in general, calling them grabby or saying baby registries are awful. Ironically, some of those commenting admitted they’ve never even been to one, so there’s that.

Anyway, here’s how the one I attended went:

My friend shared a small baby gift registry, nothing over the top. Most people brought practical things like nappies and baby wipes — lots of hampers filled with essentials.

She hosted a low-key gathering at her home. It was September, but I remember the weather being surprisingly warm. The main part of the event was in the garden, with a spread set up indoors by the garden doors — cheeses, fruits, snacks, sausage rolls, hummus, crackers, and so on. Very relaxed.

Her husband fired up a quick BBQ just burgers and sausages served on a big platter, with buns and condiments laid out on the garden table for people to help themselves.

After everyone had eaten, we did the gift exchange, and that was that. It was really simple, thoughtful, and relaxed.

Honestly, I wouldn’t overthink it. If I were organising one myself, I’d probably avoid a restaurant. People can get weird about splitting the bill, and there’s always one person who orders the most expensive thing on the menu and expects everyone else to cover it. A home setting is just easier and more personal.

Just don't have one. Or if you do and organise it yourself don't call it a baby shower and make it clear it isn't a shower so you don't expect presents.

If you then want to invite people out somewhere it's OK to expect to split payment. But having a baby shower at all is tacky. Organising it yourself doubles the tackiness. Expecting people to pay for the shower you've thrown yourself is 10 x the tackiness.

I have been to a baby shower but it was billed as the mother to be wanting to do something with her female friends and family before she gave birth rather than a celebration of the babies as English culture doesn’t usually celebrate the babies until after birth (superstitious) People were asked to bring their favourite children’s book so that the parents could start building a library for the kids which made the gift choosing much easier.

I would personally be too embarrassed to ask people to pay and would prefer to bring a contribution like cake or drinks if the mother to be was cash strapped. If there were men that I’d like to invite then I’d do something a few months after birth tbh.

The mother-to-be never hosts her own shower because a shower is, by definition, a party where gifts are requested from guests. If you are hosting and do not expect gifts, do not call it a shower. Call it a pre-baby get-together or similar and host something simple at home.

My "baby shower" is this weekend. There are about 20 of us going out for Afternoon Tea. We invited about 28 people and advised them of the cost up front. Everyone who was able to make it was happy to pay their share.

I have not said anything about gifts however a few people have asked me so I sent them our Amazon wishlist.

I'd say if you were going put for a meal then people will usually expect to cover their share (or at least tell them up front), but if you were having it at home or hiring a venue then you would cover the cost of the catering.

Mumsnetters are typically very anti baby showers but everyone I know in real life would happily attend a baby shower of someone they love as well as bringing a gift and maybe even covering their share if it's a meal out 😅

Definitely at home- you can't expect people to pay to come to your baby shower. Usually baby showers are not organised by the mum herself but by friends/family- there they often will split the cost between them but it has to be off their own back rather than you organising it and then asking for money towards it.

Baby showers I know of, are arranged by a close friend/female relative of the pregnant woman, usually at somebody's house. They decorate, make games up, eg, mould of bump, sort some food etc, and people bring gifts for the mother. Some don't have a registry, but some do (a list like some people have for a wedding). It is usually a party to give the expectant mother a lot of attention, and celebrate the impending arrival. Some people choose to announce the sex of the baby at them, using a cake or confetti etc.

My work offered to arrange one for me, I politely declined, as it isn't my thing. They are popular in America, and seem to have gained popularity here over the last few years. I find them so grabby, although I'm sure there are some people who just do it for the right reasons, and want a nice get together!

If guests are paying for their own food, they may feel obliged to get a gift also. The latter may put people off going.

This is so weird. You want the cheapest option and expect guests to pay for themselves? Organising your own ‘shower’ isn’t the norm either.

You see, I would call that a meal, not a shower.

I have done both but would much prefer to go to a baby shower at someone's house (with some tea and cakes or a small buffet of some sort provided for guests.)

I have been to a baby shower at a restaurant where the mum to be bought everyone a drink and we paid for our own meals but I did it reluctantly...it was a family member so felt I couldn't really say no. But as guests are also going to turn up with a gift I do find it a bit much if they also have to pay to attend.

Do it at your house.

It sounds as though you cannot afford this baby shower OP so either hold fire and hope one of your friends/sister (if you have one) organises one for you since you are not due for at least three months or wait until people visit after the birth.
We all know baby showers are about receiving gifts so asking people to pay AND bring presents (for two children) is a bit of a mickey take.

Baby showers are out of hand. I wish they stayed in the USA

Host pays for party, guests bring presents!

I wouldn't pay to attend a party!

And, honestly, as long as no-one dies I really don't care about other people's pregnancies so this shower thing feels a bit extra. You're only a star in your own head show 😂celebrate when they're here alive, you can have a glass of something nice and can have others hold the babies and give you a break for an hour.

I wouldn't pay.

With twins OP I absolutely would be waiting until they are here safely before celebrating anything. And I say that as a midwife. If you are aiming for a party in August you must be about 24 ish weeks? A lot can happen in 3 months.

Celebrate after they arrive.

If they need invited to a party at a venue with a buffet I wouldn't expect to have to pay anymore than I would for a birthday party.

For starters, a baby shower is never hosted by the pregnant woman herself. This is a central element of the tradition - female friends and family members of the mother to be clubbing together to support the woman as she enters a new ohase of her life, both materially and with their love and friendship.

Second - no, if you can't afford to pay for the refreshments, you do not ask your guests to pay. They are already bringing gifts for the babies.

You could get around this by having a potluck, with guests bringing a dish and having a buffet. Or have something fairly cheap like a traditional afternoon tea with nice sandwiches, fairy cakes, tea, and lemonade.

If it’s in August, invite friends to a garden party at yours and to bring an item of food or soft drink with them to share.
Use paper plates and cups and you won’t need to wash up afterwards.

I wouldn’t expect to pay for my meal if you’re inviting me out to a restaurant and calling it a Baby Shower.
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Aren't baby showers meant to be thrown for you not something you do for yourself? Seems rather grabby.

I think.. you decide whether you would want to host at home...or go out for afternoon tea.. invite people and either ask them to bring a plate of food or let them know how much the afternoon tea will cost.

I would be wary of getting 20 x something you wouldn't use .. so maybe ask each attendee to share their best piece of advice and worst piece of advise and I LOVE the idea of favourite children's book! Otherwise, maybe say.. I don't want presents but if you do want to buy something for our babies, I think we will be on best friend terms with next / boots / amazon... so vouchers would be gratefully received.

I wouldn’t expect to pay for my meal if you’re inviting me out to a restaurant and calling it a Baby Shower.
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I agree.

If it's to celebrate the babies, why not wait till after they are born and have a Christening party or secular welcoming event. Apparently "Sip and See" is the new thing 🙄

Well I’m sure this comment won’t scare the shit out of the OP.
Might just be me but fucking hell why would you say something like that to an expectant mother who is on here asking for advice about a baby shower

All the baby showers I’ve been too apart from 1 I have had to pay and get a gift 😅